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AIBU: Dinner Party Host

(173 Posts)
BeautifulSlang Sat 11-Aug-18 10:28:41

My DH and I invited friend over for dinner last week. My friend is in early stages of pregnancy and her partner was driving so neither were drinking. We provided nibbles, food and dessert along with a few bottles of flavoured sparkling water, whilst we, DH and I, shared a bottle of red. AIBU to be offended that they didn't bring a bottle of wine with them as a thank you? Personally, I'd never go to a dinner party without a bottle (or two) for the host, regardless if I was having a drink or not.

Queenofthestress Sat 11-Aug-18 10:30:25

Erm, yeah you're being a little unreasonable. I didn't take wine when I was pregnant, it didn't even cross my mind tbh.

InspectorIkmen Sat 11-Aug-18 10:30:29

Really? This is all you have to be offended about?

Lollypop701 Sat 11-Aug-18 10:30:30

Or flowers... anything to say thank you at all really!

PlateOfBiscuits Sat 11-Aug-18 10:33:51

They’re your friends. And she’s pregnant. Honestly, I’d be put off the friendship by the fact you were offended if I were her.

NataliaOsipova Sat 11-Aug-18 10:34:28

I wouldn't necessarily have brought wine in those circumstances, but I'd have taken a gift of some sort - e.g. Chocolates.

Melliegrantfirstlady Sat 11-Aug-18 10:34:48

Fgs yabu

Especially as it was over a week ago

HolyMountain Sat 11-Aug-18 10:35:16

Are you bored this fine Saturday morning? grin.

Honestly, don't give this anymore head space, it really isn't worth the time it took you to type this out.

Specky12 Sat 11-Aug-18 10:36:25

I would never go to a dinner party or someone's house for dinner without taking something as a thank you to the host.

CherryPavlova Sat 11-Aug-18 10:37:29

A gift would be nice but should never be expected. You weren’t inviting them for a bottle of Chardonnay, surely? If it’s four of you having nibbles it would’ve generally be considered a dinner party just friends having supper.

irregularegular Sat 11-Aug-18 10:44:39

I do think it is normal to bring something when you are invited to dinner, yes. At least one of wine, chocolate, flowers. I only wouldnt if it was a very last minute, low key, minimal effort kind of thing - where it's made clear that we're just going to make do with whatever is in the fridge and don't expect anything fancy.

But it's not worth dwelling on really. Did they say thank you afterwards?

I actually get more irritated by a few people who insist on bringing a gift even when they are popping round for a cup of tea. Sometimes there is a competitive niceness here which turns everything into a bigger effort than it needs to be.

It's actually quite a relief when people make very little effort either as host or guest as it frees everyone up just to enjoy each other's couldn't over a friozen pizza without apology.

Sorry I went off on one then.

Wine or something is normal.

Newlacesleeves Sat 11-Aug-18 10:55:20

I don’t know if I would be offended but I would certainly judge them for their bad manners. You just don’t go to someone’s house for dinner empty handed - pregnant/ driving or not.

NotTheFordType Sat 11-Aug-18 10:58:17

Christ, threads like this make me even more anxious about my social interactions.

I have literally never invited anyone over for dinner and expected them to bring anything.

Now I apparently need to take something with me if I get invited and have to navigate what's acceptable depending on the host's medical issues/religious beliefs/marital status?

Too much anxiety, will probably just turn down invites from now on or suggest meeting in a restaurant instead.

AlwaysWantedToBeATenenbaum Sat 11-Aug-18 10:58:17

I wouldn't be offended, more surprised? Personally I would never go to someone's house for dinner & not take anything- we normally take a bottle of prosecco and 4-6 beers and maybe a pudding/box of chocolates.

Kismett Sat 11-Aug-18 10:59:06

I would have considered it just friends having dinner together, not a party where I had to bring something. Is that the social norm here? I generally only bring a gift the first time I visit someone's home, and then on any larger social occasions.

Do I need to bring a bottle of wine every time I visit someone?

Peanutbuttercups21 Sat 11-Aug-18 11:00:32

Agree with irregularregular

YeTalkShiteHen Sat 11-Aug-18 11:00:59

I find people who expect gifts very tedious.

You invited friends for dinner, they came and ate dinner. What’s the problem with that?

Why can’t anyone do something nice for their friends without expecting something in return?

Camomila Sat 11-Aug-18 11:02:45

I'm another one who'd never go to anyone's house empty-handed. If I didn't want to bring wine I'd have bought flowers or biscuits or sonething...

That being said I'd let it go, DH never did it until we met as it's not 'a thing' in his culture.

Knittedfairies Sat 11-Aug-18 11:02:56

Entirely reasonable. You should have shown them the door immediately they turned up at your door without a gift. Then you should go NC and post about their rudeness all over social media.


You should get a grip, for God’s sake.

donquixotedelamancha Sat 11-Aug-18 11:04:05

AIBU to be offended that they didn't bring a bottle of wine with them as a thank you?

Yes. If your friendship is so fragile that the presence/absence of a single bottle of wine is worth comment then personally I wouldn't bother.

It's clear from other threads that some people have very specific expectations of 'manners' that they think are absolutely cast in iron, but in fact nobody agrees on them.

Having good manners means making an effort to consider the comfort and feelings of others, anything more is snobbery.

Etymology23 Sat 11-Aug-18 11:05:22

I also agree with irregularirregular.

ravenmum Sat 11-Aug-18 11:07:40

Maybe they forgot?

Grumblepants Sat 11-Aug-18 11:09:55

I would never go empty handed, however all my friends come to mine for dinner and never bring anything. Or if they do bring a couple of beers, they drink my alcohol first then take theirs home with them.
I have cheap friends grin

beachysandy81 Sat 11-Aug-18 11:10:36

If I wasn't drinking I would usually bring something like chocolates, flowers or a contribution to the meal like a pudding - probably not wine. However, if a guest didn't bring anything to me I wouldn't be offended.

AnnieAnoniMoose Sat 11-Aug-18 11:12:00

NotTheFordType. I’d never have had you down for the socially anxious type! I’d rather have you around for dinner than any of the ‘oh how rude’ brigade. I don’t ‘do’ all this pretentious crap, if I’m I invited for dinner, I go for dinner. If I invite others for dinner, they come for dinner. Nice. Uncomplicated. No need for ‘gifts’.

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