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talking about money to think if dh wont give up smoking, like i have

(18 Posts)
Slartybartfast Sat 11-Aug-18 09:29:01

i vape
he does both
£20 or £30 a week on bacci!
I should spend £20 to £30 a week on myself?

what would you do?
the same?

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley Sun 12-Aug-18 09:04:30

Why would you make yourself even more skint just to prove a point?

katiefromtheblock Sun 12-Aug-18 09:05:25

I'm not gonna lie ... I don't understand your post OP.

Slartybartfast Sun 12-Aug-18 09:44:54

people mostly dont understand my post.
it was ignored yesterday wink
lets not worry about it

Idontbelieveinthemoon Sun 12-Aug-18 09:46:20

I think if you're genuinely skint your DH needs to quit smoking and you need to quit vaping. Imagine how much fresher you'll both smell.

witchofzog Sun 12-Aug-18 09:47:14

I get what you are saying. £30 a week is a lot to literally go up in smoke. That's over £120 a month! If you can afford it then yes you should have the same amount of money for yourself imo

witchofzog Sun 12-Aug-18 09:50:13

Oops just seen the skint comment. It seems unfair in this case that he is having all the extra money for himself. If he put it away instead it would pay for you both to go on holiday. Is he willing to try to give up or cut down?

LostInShoebiz Sun 12-Aug-18 09:51:31

Sounds very petty. If you’re genuinely interested in saving money then look at ways to help him kick his tobacco addiction, not run up further costs spent on yourself to achieve absolute parity with him.

anotherangel2 Sun 12-Aug-18 09:52:17

You need to separate your money have couple/family account and then both have the same amount of weekly pocket money to spend on stuff for each of you eg clothes, hair cuts, cigarettes, going out etc.

Slartybartfast Sun 12-Aug-18 10:34:02

that's what i thought, he smokes, i go to cinema type of thing ?

Cheby Sun 12-Aug-18 10:39:37

This is an easy one. You both get the same amount of money to spend on yourselves. He can choose to piss his away on cigarettes if he wants to, you spend yours how you like.

My DH and I do this (neither of us smoke, o mean we just have the same amount of money to spend on ourselves). We don’t earn the same, but we are married so this is the fair way to divide money. I can’t imagine having more disposable income than my DH just because I earn more.

longestlurkerever Sun 12-Aug-18 10:42:21

I don't think it's petty. People often use the idea of more disposable income as an incentive to give up. What better illustration than him seeing you able to spend on treats now you've cut back on smoking? And perhaps you could be persuaded to cash in the vaping in favour of more treats?

FATEdestiny Sun 12-Aug-18 10:49:13

DH and I both gave up at the same time (over 5 years should now). We had the discussion about what we will do if one of us starts smoking again and the other doesn't (it turns out this never happened, but the discussion was useful at the time).

What's important to point out here was the primary reason we gave up was being skint. Proper skint. So there was no option to "spend the equivalent amount on me", because that money just wasn't there.

We decided that if one oer son started smoking again, they had to give up something of equivalent value.

If DH started smoking, he had to give up the Sky Sports subscription. I honestly can't remember what I agreed to give up if I started again, but a similar thing. Neither of us did start again, so it never mattered anyway. But the agreement was there.

Oysterbabe Sun 12-Aug-18 10:52:58

How much does vaping cost?
Spending £20-30 a week on yourself isn't a lot IMO. But you should both get the same.

LostInShoebiz Sun 12-Aug-18 10:55:16

Oyster, £20-30 per week isn’t a lot if you have it but the OP has said they are skint.

ImAIdoot Sun 12-Aug-18 10:56:21

You can't compel other people to stop being addicted; they have to do it themselves.

So there's your mission, gentle persuasion. Any actua hardl pressure you (deliberately or not) introduce to the situation will have to go somewhere, probably tension in your relationship.

Mouseville65 Sun 12-Aug-18 11:25:38

I quit smoking 2 weeks ago, I smoked cigarettes tho not bacci so the saving is over £100 per week. The first week I didn't smoke we went to a popular attraction for a family day with the money saved and this week DP bought me a Dune Handbag and out for lunch. This isn't because he's spending more than me on smoking now it's because he's proud iv managed to quit when he's finding it almost impossible and it's his way of encouraging me to keep it up. Rather than coming at this as a 'it's not fair' mentally why not rephrase it too a 'you know how difficult this is, I could use a little incentive' way of thinking smile P.s well done on quitting - this shit is hard!

anotherangel2 Sun 12-Aug-18 11:43:07

Well it would be your pocket money to spend how you like. I spend it on going out with friends, hair cuts and clothes.

It should not be tit for tat. The important bit is to do an overall house budget, include savings for raining day, big spends like holiday and Christmas and then see how much pocket money is left. Then he will need to smoke within his means. If he only has £20 a week pocket money then they may choice to vape so he has more money for other things like going out with friends or he may choose smoking. It will be his choice and you won’t be upset over both of your over spending.

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