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To think my ex is harassing me

(10 Posts)
rightknockered Sat 11-Aug-18 01:33:46

And has been for the entire four years since I saw through the fog, by the power of mumsnet, and realised just how controlling and abusive he was, saw through all the gaslighting.
I left with our 5 children, three of whom are autistic and am proud of myself for rebuilding our lives.
But he has been using contact with the kids to control me ever since.
He started by insisting on only seeing them in my home, until one day I put a stop to it. He then insisted on using my car until I came to my senses. He would then bring them back to the house, when he had them, around every hour to wash their hands or visit the toilet etc. I stopped opening the door. He now sees them for a few hours on a Saturday, which doesn't always happen because he tries to arrange it last minute on a Saturday morning for ridiculous times - usually very late after dinner until even later. So I always refuse because the kids are tired .
Last Saturday he managed to see them from 2pm until 6. I went out, saw a friend, and ran a few errands while he had them, and returned home at 5.30pm. He started texting me at 5pm asking where I was, I told him I would be home soon. He was waiting at my door when I got back, kept asking me where I had been, and saying that I was making him late for a client.
Since then he has been asking me when I go, who am I seeing, etc. almost every day. He has called me immoral, and has taken to just turning up at my door if I don't answer his texts I did text him that I don't want him to just show up at my door, and that I won't answer the door in future. He thinks it is amusing that I find his behaviour difficult to handle, and told me that my 'communication isn't clear', and I should 'learn to communicate'. And that I'm stupid, that I will never win, that I don't know the difference between right and wrong since I'm an atheist, etc.
He has also insulted my appearance, saying I'm too skinny and ugly, that I 'look old' and battered.
Is this harassment? Could I make a complaint to the police? Would they take me seriously?

Skittlesandbeer Sat 11-Aug-18 01:44:09

I think you know that the police will take it seriously. Print out your post, and convert it into diary form. Add every contact you can think of.

Personally, I’d colour-code it green, yellow & red to show the contacts that are justifiable for a Co-parent, those that use Co-parenting as an excuse to track you, and red for those that are out-and-out just him making your life miserable on purpose. Be ready to scroll back through your phone to show a ‘typical’ day of texts from him, one with concerning elements.

This is no way to live, you need to get help.

Thamesis Sat 11-Aug-18 02:07:12

OP that sounds very wearing and worrying. Have you thought of contacting Paladin? They help victims of stalking.

Monty27 Sat 11-Aug-18 02:31:30

Yes he's harassing you. Do you have a court order of any sort. Anyway I wouldn't be having that crap. Aside from the DC's your business is not his. angry

ShumpaLumpa Sat 11-Aug-18 02:57:05

Well done for leaving the twat! This is definitely harrassment.

Does he have a court order for acess to children?

Can you change your mobile number and only communicate with him via email (maybe create a new email address so he doesn't spam your main one?)

Aquamarine1029 Sat 11-Aug-18 03:06:19

This is harassment and stalking. Take your power back and go to the police immediately. They will take this very seriously because it is. Don't stand for this another second.

placebobebo Sat 11-Aug-18 05:46:52

Go to the police and make contact at a contact centre seeing as he has no idea what reasonable is. Then you can start the ball rolling for court ordered contact arrangements. If he doesn't turn up, fine. If he starts messing around then you can just repeat the kids are available from x to x as in the court order and contact the police to let them know he's using contact to harass you again. Unfortunately that does also mean you won't be able to swap arrangements around but by the sounds of it it's better than how he's fucking around now.

crabb Sat 11-Aug-18 05:51:24

@Echt I didn’t know that. Thank you smile

crabb Sat 11-Aug-18 12:06:09

Oops, sorry, wrong thread

SandyY2K Sat 11-Aug-18 12:48:00

Definetly harassment. I'd be looking at a contact centre.

I would also block his number. Don't answer calls from unrecognised numbers and ask him to email regarding his visitation from now on.

Do not answer his questions. Do not respond to his comments. You only need to engage with child related matters.

He does not need to be turning up without prior agreement and it's only going to be regarding visitation.

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