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To think this is really strange?

(12 Posts)
Guardsman18 Fri 10-Aug-18 16:46:57

I don't know where to start really. I just want to know if there's something I'm not seeing/getting.

I will try and give as full a picture as I can without rambling on but I'd really like some help with this.

My cousin is getting married next week. This has been planned for a year (ish). This is my mum's sisters son, that my mum has always adored. Sister (his mum) died suddenly last year. Her husband (his father) has come over to this country for a holiday, we thought.

He has come for their wedding. It was my father's funeral today so I can understand that they didn't want to mention it, but it's a bit cloak and dagger tbh. Apparently because she's been married before, it's just her family and his Dad at the wedding I think. (A neighbour told me this! - it gets more strange by the minute).

This 'favourite' nephew who to be fair has always made an effort with my parents. He's brought all three of his previous girlfriends to stay with them over the years. My parents have always been so hospitable, welcoming them both for however long they intend to stay. He has also brought current one (fiancee) to stay with her son. My mum and dad could have done without it but always thought that it obviously meant a lot to him that we got to know his new family.

Why would someone think that it wasn't ok to not invite my mum? At least? They have spent so long trying to get to know mum and dad, my children.

There must be something I'm not seeing.

Merryoldgoat Fri 10-Aug-18 16:59:16

When you say ‘just her family’ who is that?

Personally, yes, it would have been nice for your mum to have been invited.

However if their having immediate family only (her parents and his) then I can see it’s trick to find the right cut off.

LonelyStranger Fri 10-Aug-18 17:02:46

Think it’s a tricky one. He’s obviously trying to make an effort by having her and son stay over (building bridges I guess), but maybe as she’s only having her immediate family and no one else, he’s decided the same?
It is sad that your mum won’t be invited.

Guardsman18 Fri 10-Aug-18 17:03:24

Thank you Merry. That has given me a bit of insight. However (!) his mum was my mum's little sister. It would have been nice for her to be included.

Allthewaves Fri 10-Aug-18 17:16:19

Perhaps it's just her mum, dad and siblings - keeping it very small

Returnofthesmileybar Fri 10-Aug-18 17:26:13

You can love people and want to get to know them and have them in your life and still want a small wedding, it doesn't mean you think any less of them

Guardsman18 Fri 10-Aug-18 17:33:28

Waves and Return - I'm so glad I posted on here as I honestly didn't see it like that. Maybe 'our lot' are all about inclusion and they aren't?

Merryoldgoat Sat 11-Aug-18 08:46:17

I nearly had a similar issue. I have an insufferable aunt who no one likes and I didn’t want her at my wedding. However my grandmother was making things tricky.

We considered a small wedding with only immediate family, so for my husband his mum, dad, brother and SIL.

However, I have no parents but have two half sisters and I detest their dad. My grandmother looked after me a lot as did one of her other daughters. My sisters wouldn’t have come without their dad, my other aunt (who I’m extremely close to would’ve been excluded along with her family who were my surrogate family and in the end it was too messy.

Thankfully my arsehole aunt pissed off my grandmother at some point early in my engagement and my grandmother realised I was right to exclude her.

It’s just really hard to get the balance right if you don’t have a near family.

Guardsman18 Sat 11-Aug-18 12:09:18

Thanks for the replies, but my mum isn't an insufferable aunt!

I don't know, shall I just ring/message cousin and ask him why it's all so hush-hush?

MyBloodyMaltesersAreMelting Sun 12-Aug-18 10:20:40

I think it’s quite hurtful tbh

longwayoff Sun 12-Aug-18 10:26:46

Yes. Ring him and ask. He knows why. We don't.

Guardsman18 Tue 14-Aug-18 17:39:13

Thanks @longwayoff - genius idea! I hadn't thought of that

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