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To have kicked them out?

(262 Posts)
upsideup Tue 07-Aug-18 16:24:41

Friend has gone on holiday for the first time without her 14 and 16 year old dd's, they didn't want to be left home alone overnight so we agreed they could stay here. We were told that they would be no bother, would be out with friends or in their own house all day and we didn't need to provide meals as they had money to get their own (though we said we didn't mind giving them food), basically we were just giving them a bed in our house to sleep in.

They got here Saturday evening and are sharing dd2's room who was away but back tonight and was planning on sharing with DD1 for the rest of the week. They had trashed her room within an few hours of getting here, gone through all of her stuff, chucked her clothes onto the floor and just made a mess. We had to take out all of dd's private/precious stuff out of the room so they couldn't go through it or destroy it anymore. DD has an en suite, I told them to keep and use their makeup in there as the bedroom has white walls and a white carpet. I looked last night and both their makeup bags were on the white carpet surrounded by loads of makeup stains and there's also what I hope is makeup smeared down the wall. The bathroom and bedroom are just an absolute mess.

They didn't got out at all Sunday or Monday day and just stayed in dds room watching TV, they've helped themselves to food and refused any of the meals I've offered to cook them and have just ordered themselves takeaways to eat in dd's bedroom even though I asked them to eat it downstairs. Whenever I have tried to talk to them they've been blunt and rude, when my kids have tried to speak to them they have been rude to them, they swore at my 4 year old because he was annoying them. When physically fighting with each other in front of 3 year they accidentally pushed her over onto the bench and cut her lip.

They went out last night and came back at 11pm with alcohol and several friends , who we didn't let. It would take to long to list all the things they've done wrong but they've just been a nightmare. So when they got up today at half two I told them to go home, they started to apologise but quickly started getting really angry and stormed out without most of their stuff. I'm not planning on letting them back in here but friend has said to please let them back, that I can't take back my offer and leave them home alone.

I'm not being unreasonable to have kicked them out, am I?
They're not small kids and will hopefully fine, although they probably will trash friends house which I do feel bad about.

endofthelinefinally Tue 07-Aug-18 16:27:20

I would have kicked them out earlier.
I hooe you have photos of all the damage.
What awful people.

Feduppluckingmychinhairs Tue 07-Aug-18 16:28:28

I would have sent them home for the half of that.

sirmione16 Tue 07-Aug-18 16:29:00

At 14 and 16 and being deemed "responsible" enough to stay home alone - of course YANBU. It's disgusting behaviour and I hope their mother is ashamed. They disrespected your kindness and your home. I'd be mad.

TemptressofWaikiki Tue 07-Aug-18 16:29:12

Don't let them back. Your friend needs to come home.

femfemlicious Tue 07-Aug-18 16:29:43

Absolutely DO NOT let them back in. They need to come back early and take care of their feral horrible yoofs.

They are totally unacceptable. It's too much to put up with!

IceCreamFace Tue 07-Aug-18 16:30:48

I was all ready to storm in and say you're over reacting and they're just teenagers have some patience but MY GOD they sound awful! ! I wonder if they behave like that at home? I'd be mortified if my teenagers behaved like that in my home let alone someone else's!

purplecorkheart Tue 07-Aug-18 16:31:16

No wonder your friend does not trust them to stay by themselves. No way would I take them back, your friend needs to come home.

itsBritneyBeach Tue 07-Aug-18 16:31:20

That's awful and so disrespectful! At that age I wouldn't have dared act like that when I was a guest. I hope you have photos and your friend at least sees your side of it - how very rude of them!!shock

GreatDuckCookery Tue 07-Aug-18 16:31:46

What a weird set up. You didn't have a clue what these two were going to behave like?

When's their parents back?

IceCreamFace Tue 07-Aug-18 16:32:04

The only bit I find moderately normal behaviour is helping themselves to food (is a bit rude but lots of teenagers do it) the rest is beyond outrageous!

thewayoftheplatypus Tue 07-Aug-18 16:32:23

This is difficult! You are definitely not unreasonable to ask them to leave (their behaviour has been appalling) but equally the youngest at 14 probably shouldn’t be left and you agreed to have a duty of care to her. Could you look after them/pop in on them in their own home so that they can trash that instead? And where is their mum- could you ask her to come home if she doesn’t want them to be left alone?

PixelAteMe Tue 07-Aug-18 16:32:39

Your “friend” shouldn’t have left her daughters alone. They are her responsibility, not yours.

They sound awful, you are right to kick them out as they have shown zero respect for you and your property. Their behaviour is appalling. Your friend should find another solution for them, or curtail her holiday.

StormTreader Tue 07-Aug-18 16:32:45

You've been MORE than reasonable. They'll have to go stay with their grandparents or other friends, whatever your friend can sort out.

Its boggling to think that they thought that kind of behaviour would be acceptable, I wonder if there was an element of "well we can be at home so upside HAS to let us stay whatever we do".

thereareflowersinmygarden Tue 07-Aug-18 16:32:46

I'd expect the parents to pay for any damage at least

upsideup Tue 07-Aug-18 16:32:55

Oh, sorry I was meant to put this in my OP.
The 14 year old has anxiety which is apprently why she didnt want to be left home overnight.

RoseWhiteTips Tue 07-Aug-18 16:33:09

You were quite right. How dare they?

Frogscotch7 Tue 07-Aug-18 16:33:12

You can always point out to your friend that you haven’t taken back your offer. They didn’t meet their end of the agreement. I agree it’s up to your friend to come home and deal with them. The first time they “trashed” your daughters room they would have been on their last warning.

daisyboooo Tue 07-Aug-18 16:33:31

What rude ungrateful little shits.

I would be furious & expect the parents to come home & cut their holiday short.

Absolute little brats.

LittleOwl153 Tue 07-Aug-18 16:34:10

Did your friend arrange this trip, then try to sort the kids or did you offer to have the kids before you book? I think if she booked on the strength of you having the kids it's difficult.
Nspcc says kids "children under 16 shouldn’t be left alone overnight". I'd therefore pirentially have the 14yr old only and make her tow your line. I'd also send the mother a cleaning/replacement bill for all damage.

dinosaurkisses Tue 07-Aug-18 16:34:19


I’d make sure you had those photos close to hand for when your friend inevitably tries to tell you that their behaviour was “just how teenagers get on”- she will definitely be given a very sanitised version by the Tasmanian devils she has for daughters.

I don’t see how the friendship is going to survive this

RoseWhiteTips Tue 07-Aug-18 16:34:20

She has anxiety yet she doesn’t care about the anxiety she causes others? Riiiight. Still
the right call, OP.

Trinity66 Tue 07-Aug-18 16:34:36

Nope don't let them back, if you're friend is that worried she can home early.

Trinity66 Tue 07-Aug-18 16:34:53


thereareflowersinmygarden Tue 07-Aug-18 16:35:16

Anxiety is no excuse

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