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Naked MIL

(387 Posts)
Wrongintherightway Sun 29-Jul-18 23:51:22

MIL had ds1 & ds2 for a few hours recently to help out with childcare in school holidays (not a regular arrangement). Ds1 came home and said gran was walking round naked! It turns out she had gone for a mid morning shower and was walking about naked (indoors obvs)

AIBU to think this is not acceptable, ds1 is 12 and ds2 is 7?

boydoggies Sun 29-Jul-18 23:54:27

What is your concern?? On the face of it I'd say YABU.

IsTheRainEverComingBack Sun 29-Jul-18 23:55:50

Why is it not acceptable?

CherryPavlova Sun 29-Jul-18 23:57:20

I can’t see a huge issue, to be honest.

Whackytaco Sun 29-Jul-18 23:57:26

Was she scooting quickly from bathroom to laundry cupboard to grab a towel?
Or jiggling her norks and twerking like an enthusiastic pole dancer for hours on end?
More info required...

PatrickTheStarfish Sun 29-Jul-18 23:57:47

Not appropriate imo, not at those ages.
How hard is it to wrap a towel around yourself?

LolaTheDarkdestroyer Sun 29-Jul-18 23:58:03

I don't think it's on especially for the 12 year old a bit embarrassing that she would do that.

Stopitjuststopit2018 Sun 29-Jul-18 23:58:54

Oh come off it guys, “what’s the OP’s concern?” / how about it’s just plain weird! Especially a 12 year old, I wouldn’t be naked in front of my 12 year old so definitely wouldn’t be comfortable for my mother in law to be!

Beingthere Sun 29-Jul-18 23:59:43

Ewww not appropriate and I can’t believe the first few posters think it is!

AimlesslyPurposeful Sun 29-Jul-18 23:59:48

As it’s not a regular arrangement she may have forgotten he would be arriving at that time. She may have forgotten to take a towel into the bathroom and was on the way to get one when your DS walked in.

There could be a whole host of reasons but it’s highly unlikely she did it deliberately and she probably felt as embarrassed, if not more so, than your son.

UpstartCrow Mon 30-Jul-18 00:00:48

The kids found it weird enough to comment, so its weird.
Why did she need a mid morning shower while sitting 3 kids?

Emma765 Mon 30-Jul-18 00:01:07

I think she should have anticipated that 12 yr old may have been uncomfortable if thats not the done thing in your family but fully depends on whether she got caught short without a towel and didn't think they'd see her or was wandering around as to whether I'd think she was out of order or not.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking Mon 30-Jul-18 00:01:15

Im naked in front of my 12 year old sometimes.. I don’t flaunt anything but neither do I hide away like natural nudity is shameful.

I’m sure if he was uncomfortable with it I’d know, he’s quite vocal about what he has a problem with!

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 30-Jul-18 00:02:04

Walking around naked? As in making a cup of tea and a bite to eat or walking from the bathroom to the bedroom?

The former would be extraordinarily weird the latter not as much.

AimlesslyPurposeful Mon 30-Jul-18 00:02:26

Sorry, when you said your DS came home and said she was naked I thought you meant he walked into her home!

Wrongintherightway Mon 30-Jul-18 00:02:36

So, she was more just wandering round between bedroom, bathroom and back to her bedroom, it's a bungalow so she knew kids were in full view

Mil does not see regularly and it's the first time in years she has had them during school hols, just seemed a weird thing to do and DS1 rather embarrassed

cocacolaaaclassic Mon 30-Jul-18 00:02:38

It’s definitely not appropriate. If this was a male with his bits out infront of his 12yo GD you’d all be mortified.

DarklyDreamingDexter Mon 30-Jul-18 00:02:45

"Why is it not acceptable?"

Errrr, because the kids might feel embarrassed to see their gran walking around starkers!

Some families may be comfortable with it and used to nudity, but others won't be. The OP clearly isn't. YANBU!

Rebecca36 Mon 30-Jul-18 00:02:49

You are not being unreasonable, it was unacceptable behaviour but if you mention it to your MIL she might well tell you she often nips quickly to the bedroom from the bathroom and just didn't think at that time. She will be embarrassed. If that is the case I think I'd let her off on this one occasion unless you have other concerns.

2up2manydown Mon 30-Jul-18 00:04:15

Ah, I thought you’d seen your Mil naked OP.

I saw my Mil naked once. She dashed out of the bathroom as I was coming out of the guest room, full frontal the whole package. We both sort of pretended it hadn’t happened. I went back into the guest room, waited an appropriate amount of time for her to get herself sorted and went back out onto the landing and there she bloody was again - starkers! She’d run back into the bathroom, waited an appropriate amount of time and tried again too.

Some things you just can’t unsee.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking Mon 30-Jul-18 00:06:39

It’s definitely not appropriate. If this was a male with his bits out infront of his 12yo GD you’d all be mortified

I wouldn’t. Again... if he was windmilling then I’d have a problem, but general nudity, it’s fine.

I remember seeing my paps willy when I was a kid, if he had a wee whilst I was in the bath or whatever... there was nothing untoward or inappropriate.

HellFreezes Mon 30-Jul-18 00:06:43

Weird. Weird. Weird.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 Mon 30-Jul-18 00:09:08

Bit weird yup.
And that is speaking as a totally uninhibited, zero-shame, 100% body confident Scandi.

SandyY2K Mon 30-Jul-18 00:09:58

YANBU

I wouldn't let her have them alone again.

Or I'd tell DH to tell his mum not to do it again as it embarrassed DS.

Some people don't know what is appropriate.

If the genders were reversed... there'd be an outrage.

Grandad walking around naked with his granddaughters.

Crazy woman.

It's shocking behaviour.

Peakypolly Mon 30-Jul-18 00:11:04

Or jiggling her norks and twerking like an enthusiastic pole dancer for hours on end?
grin

So this is your partners DM? If so, this is presumably normal behaviour in your DP’s eyes and what they grew up with.
Have your different attitudes to nudity never been raised before?
Get your DP to explain your opinion on nudity to their DM.

IceCreamFace Mon 30-Jul-18 00:11:57

Bit weird with the older child, fine with the 7 year old around but hardly going to give him PTSD - probably just embarrass him surely?

coolncalm Mon 30-Jul-18 00:20:42

Shocked at people that think it's reasonable. It's massively inappropriate to walk round naked in front of your 12 year old grandson.Why the hell should they have to see that. Makes you wonder why she'd do it.

Powerless Mon 30-Jul-18 00:23:55

You'd all have something very different if the children were female and the grandparent male! Dick on show!

Powerless Mon 30-Jul-18 00:24:05

*to say

skunkatanka Mon 30-Jul-18 00:27:03

Bloody weird OP. Really embarrassing for the kids too.

Magicpaintbrush Mon 30-Jul-18 00:29:11

Powerless - exactly! If grandpa was walking around with his cock out in front of his twelve year old grand daughter that would be different would it?

Totally inappropriate and unnecessary. The boys must have felt so embarrassed. Nobody wants to see naked grandma (except grandpa). Honestly.

locochat Mon 30-Jul-18 00:29:44

Perfectly normal under my bridge OP

Sabina21 Mon 30-Jul-18 06:35:52

I think the kids had an "eew" moment..I wish my MIL had helped me with back up childcare. Maybe give a
clothes voucher to her as a thank you gift.

TheShapeOfEwe Mon 30-Jul-18 06:47:22

Some people are just very relaxed about nudity but I agree in this context it's not appropriate

Kpo58 Mon 30-Jul-18 06:52:05

It's very different thing seeing your grandmother who you very rarely see naked to seeing your parents walking around naked.

kaytee87 Mon 30-Jul-18 07:07:39

It is a bit strange, any 12yo I know would have been embarrassed. If she only had them for a few hours I find it strange that she went for a shower at all tbh, why not before they arrive or after they leave?

OliviaStabler Mon 30-Jul-18 07:19:56

Highly inappropriate.

BertrandRussell Mon 30-Jul-18 07:25:37

“Wandering around” could have just meant nipping from bathroom to bedroom not thinking they would see her, or it could mean actually wandering around making cups of tea. One is acceptable, the other, obviously, isn’t, because hugely embarrassing for the boys.

“Mil- we’ve stopped being naked in front of the boys because they’ve started being embarrassed- it’s their age! Could you remember to put a dressing gown on too, please?”

AnnieAnoniMoose Mon 30-Jul-18 07:26:30

I grew up in a household where seeing my parents naked was normal, ditto with grandparents, my aunts, uncles & cousins when staying with them. We are a perfectly average english family, not even Scandi 😂

It’s a little unusual that she felt that comfortable given she doesn’t spend that much time with them, but if that’s how she was when DH was growing up, then I can see why she didn’t give it a second thought.

I think it GOOD for children to see bodies of all kinds of shapes, sizes and ages, it’s far better for them than only ever seeing airbrushed models. I grew up knowing that whilst we all have much the same bits and bobs, there’s a wide range of ‘normal’.

Slartybartfast Mon 30-Jul-18 07:26:57

Embarrassing for DS blush
but what would you do? Nothing.
i would hope you would have a good relationship with her to let it go

Mammalamb Mon 30-Jul-18 07:29:27

Yanbu. That would make me very uncomfortable too. Can you imagine the comments if it was a FIL and a 12 year old girl?

Mummyoflittledragon Mon 30-Jul-18 07:29:51

Unless you, your children and your dh go around nude all the time, of course they’re going to be embarrassed and most of the population don’t do this so your ds’s reaction could have been anticipated. Very inappropriate, especially at 12! Personally I would have a word with your mil. Tough if she’s embarrassed or makes it out it to be a mistake. Your only goal is that she doesn’t do this again.

Did she used to walk around in the buff when your dh was this age?

Lethaldrizzle Mon 30-Jul-18 07:30:16

Bodies don't have to be naked to see there are all different shapes and sizes! Cant say I ever saw my gran in the buff.

Jeippinghmip Mon 30-Jul-18 07:30:30

Some people are more relaxed about this sort of thing and I guess your MIL is just behaving like she usually does in her own house. I think making a fuss about it is weird, quite honestly.

rushhourtraffic Mon 30-Jul-18 07:33:41

It's inappropriate obviously.

Why anyone think otherwise is beyond me. The dc are not toddlers anymore!

HoppingPavlova Mon 30-Jul-18 07:34:52

I think this is really interesting.

In our house it would not be weird for myself, DH it my mother. But the in-laws, yep weird so it’s obviously an in law bias thing for us.

DH and I both do the nudie walk from main bathroom to bedroom, opposite ends of the house, I generally get distracted along the way, duck into kitchen and put kettle on, whack some toast in etc so it’s ready for when I’m dressed. If kids (teens/young adult) don’t like it they can shut their eyes. My complete don’t give a shit factor is also exacerbated by the fact that the kids do it as well but have a more direct nudie run from bath to bedroom than I do.

My mother visits rarely due to distance but if hubby is not home she does the undue run as well, doesn’t care if grandkids see. The kids have never mentioned they think it’s odd. However I guarantee if I’m-laws came and did it we would all be wtf.

BinkyandBunty Mon 30-Jul-18 07:37:05

My 12yo son would be mortified. I find it hard to believe that your MIL didn't at least consider that most 12yos would be.

strawberrisc Mon 30-Jul-18 07:47:16

Some people grow up in “naked houses” some don’t.

You are definitely NBU. My daughter would be mortified.

WilburIsSomePig Mon 30-Jul-18 07:47:42

I can’t believe the first few posters think it is!

They very probably don't @Beingthere, but like everyone to think they're the cool kids.

We're not a 'cover up' kind of family in the sense that we wander from bathroom to bedroom to get dressed, but that is within the confines of our own home and in front each other - not extended family. I don't fancy my uncle wandering about with his meat and two veg on show in front of my DCs when he stays, and I wouldn't expect my PILs to do this either.

If it embarrasses your children, it's not fair to them and no, it's not acceptable.

BertrandRussell Mon 30-Jul-18 07:48:42

“ I find it hard to believe that your MIL didn't at least consider that most 12yos would be.”

It depends on whether she thought she’d be seen or not.

Bluelady Mon 30-Jul-18 07:59:03

Was it a quick flit between bedroom and bathroom? If they live alone I bet they do this all the time (we do) and she forgot they were there.

nellieellie Mon 30-Jul-18 08:04:22

I think the thing is, this is totally fine if both DCs have been brought up with nudity not being a problem and naked adults walking round the house. There is nothing wrong with being naked, of course not. But it IS unreasonable if the two DCs are NOT used to it. Then it could be enormously embarrassing for them, especially at the age of 12, when they become quite self conscious of their own bodies.
I would feel awkward mentioning it though as the MIL is entitled to do what she wants in her own house. BUT, I think I would, in a tactful way.

Laiste Mon 30-Jul-18 08:09:07

wandering round between bedroom, bathroom and back to her bedroom, it's a bungalow so she knew kids were in full view

Not flitting anywhere. Kids could see her.

I don't think it's right. Would she do this in front of all her house guests? Or just one's who happen to be related to her?

BertrandRussell Mon 30-Jul-18 08:14:10

Just use something like the form of words I suggested earlier.

And it might be a good idea if people stopped the veiled suggestions of paedophilia too.

Tinkobell Mon 30-Jul-18 08:20:39

It's not too nice is it. Kids do have very visual minds ..,..you might want to let her know that you do know about it, that kids tongues wag, and if that's what she wants her grandkids enduring memory to be of her, then fine.

SaucyJack Mon 30-Jul-18 08:21:25

You say she doesn't babysit that often for you. Was she willing to do it this time?

It reads to me like she's making some PA dig about carrying on with her "busy" day in her own home. Most normal GPs try to make their GC feel comfortable and welcome when they come to visit.

Piffle11 Mon 30-Jul-18 08:25:08

I think it's a bit weird. If my DS saw MIL naked, he'd be so embarrassed he'd never want to see her again! Although I'm more hmm about the fact your MIL decided to pop off for a shower when she's supposed to be looking after your DC: I know a 12 yr old and a 7 year old are capable of monitoring themselves for a while, but surely she could have showered either before they arrived or after they left?

Tinkobell Mon 30-Jul-18 08:25:23

Can your OH explain his mums behaviour? Was this the norm as he was growing up? Once imprinted on a kids mind, it's really hard to erase that image.

BertrandRussell Mon 30-Jul-18 08:26:46

So she's now passive aggressive, neglectful and a possible paedophile. I'd go NC, OP.

Kilpitlees Mon 30-Jul-18 08:30:50

Did she really need to shower when she was only looking after them for a few hours? I would have thought that as she would prefer to spend time with them, especially as she does not provide regular childcare. I think it is a bit weird TBH. My 12 year old ds would hate it and we are quite a naked household.

Pengggwn Mon 30-Jul-18 08:31:12

I wouldn't like this at all.

NynaeveSedai Mon 30-Jul-18 08:32:40

My kid would be utterly mortified if he saw either of his grandparents (or parents) walking around naked. Weird thing to do.

Tinkobell Mon 30-Jul-18 08:35:02

Is this a bullshitting troll post? I am finding it extraordinary that you raise kids for 12 years and then your MIL with no history of stripping off just presents herself starkers to her grandkids?!!! explain it OP or it's just crap.

Beingthere Mon 30-Jul-18 08:39:26

For those that are saying she may have forgotten they were there, if her memory is that bad she should not be looking after children.

sonjadog Mon 30-Jul-18 08:44:35

Wouldn't bother me at all. But we don't have hang ups about nudity here.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed Mon 30-Jul-18 08:45:22

While I don’t think it’s awful I think it depends on the relationship she has with her grandchildren

If they had stayed there often and nudity was the norm fine but as they don’t and if more than just a nip from the bathroom to bedroom yes would find it odd

My mum before she put on a lot of weight could be at times quite the exhibitionist she did this when I had friends round I was about 13 at the time. Some people especially if they are proud of their body do like to show it off

BertrandRussell Mon 30-Jul-18 08:45:48

OK. Passive aggressive, neglectful, a possible paedophile and suffering memory loss. Any more for any more? grin

diddl Mon 30-Jul-18 08:47:10

I think if she was wandering between bedroo & bathroom that's not so odd.

Where were the kids-how could they see?

rainforesttreeswinging Mon 30-Jul-18 08:50:51

Totally weird and this would have definitely freaked my kids out completely and permanently damaged their view of gp.

Dp needs to talk to his dm about boundaries and respect.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 30-Jul-18 08:51:32

This isn't something I would do but some people aren't bothered by bring naked and don't see it as inappropriate in any way.

Ask DH if she did this when he a child.

Just say what BertrandRussell suggested earlier.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 30-Jul-18 08:51:58

Being not bring

magimedi Mon 30-Jul-18 08:52:30

grin @Bertrand

Have only skimmed the thread but can't we add in alcoholic for good measure? grin

Bluelady Mon 30-Jul-18 08:53:11

I wasn't suggesting memory loss ffs, just absent mindedly doing what she always does. It's all a bit of a storm in a rea cup anyway. If nothing worse ever happens to the kids, they'll have nothing to complain about.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 30-Jul-18 08:56:58

Those posters who are outraged, apart from it being embarrassing for the dc, especially the 12 year old, what else do you think is going on here?

I'm baffled at some of the reactions.

PositivelyPERF Mon 30-Jul-18 08:59:15

locochat Naughty! 🤨. But very, very funny. 🤣

BertrandRussell Mon 30-Jul-18 09:01:38

"Totally weird and this would have definitely freaked my kids out completely and permanently damaged their view of gp."
What, an accidental glimpse of a naked grandmother between bathroom and bedroom? Seriously?

SoapOnARoap Mon 30-Jul-18 09:03:21

There are some things a 12 year old could never unsee.

9amTrain Mon 30-Jul-18 09:04:13

It's not appropriate at all.

Wrongintherightway Mon 30-Jul-18 09:05:08

To clarify I've never seen MIL naked and she's not had had kids during school holidays before as usually we take them round for visits, helping us with childcare is a new thing.

I thought it was an odd thing to do and just wanted to gage other mums opinions before I have a quiet word with her as don't want to be over sensitive or cause a family row!

Strawberry2017 Mon 30-Jul-18 09:06:12

It's not appropriate, YANBU

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 30-Jul-18 09:09:38

Did she wander around naked when DH was little OP?

misspops Mon 30-Jul-18 09:12:08

The title of this thread made me splutter my tea. Sorry OP.
But YANBU because she shouldn't really be trotting about with her bits on show in front of your kids.

Wrongintherightway Mon 30-Jul-18 09:13:09

DH said would sometimes see her naked when he was little but not exhibitionist type,

It's different seeing your parents naked to seeing your grandparent....

LoveInTokyo Mon 30-Jul-18 09:13:18

If your MIL is providing you with free childcare in her own home then you should probably be mindful of that.

I grew up with both my mum and my gran walking around in the buff and it did gross me out a bit, but they can do what they like in their own house as long as it isn't harming anyone.

Allthewaves Mon 30-Jul-18 09:13:21

It's not a big deal. Just ask dp to asks his mum to.to stick clothes on as ds was a bit embarrassed

Itsnotabingthingisit Mon 30-Jul-18 09:14:55

This is very weird behaviour..why did she feel the need to have a shower whilst she was looking after your kids?

If something happened ( medically? accident?) that meant she needed a shower, does she not own a dressing gown and a towel to cover up with and save your kids from awkwardness and embarrassment?.

Totally echo the comments of if it was grandpa with granddaughters there would be ' call 101' , go NC ' type posts.

You need to find out exactly what happened here, and make sure there were a set of circumstances that means this was a complete one off . If she did just choose to go for a shower and not cover up, then another conversation needs to be had about boundaries and behaviour in front of your kids.

DontCallMeCharlotte Mon 30-Jul-18 09:17:11

I first read it that the children were aged 1 and 2. Perhaps the first few posters didn't read to the end and thought that as well?

But in answer to the actual question, YANBU and I'd get your DH to have a little word.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 30-Jul-18 09:20:54

Sounds like it's just something she's always done in her own home.

Talk to her and explain the dc were really embarrassed. I'm sure she will understand.

bringincrazyback Mon 30-Jul-18 09:21:21

YANBU, it's inappropriate. The kids are old enough to understand that nudity is normally something people keep private, and old enough to be embarrassed.

WaxOnFeckOff Mon 30-Jul-18 09:22:16

I'm not against nudity per se, but what is important here is how the DC felt about it and I don't think they were comfortable and I don't think it's appropriate for her to make that choice for them at their ages.

BertrandRussell Mon 30-Jul-18 09:24:03

OP- just sat something along the lines of my earlier suggestion and move on.

Myimaginarycathasfleas Mon 30-Jul-18 09:32:20

Hmm, if it’s not a regular occurrence I would leave it. Kids weren’t traumatised, just a bit embarrassed as you might expect for their ages. I get your discomfort but she seems to have a healthy attitude to nudity which might actually be a good example for your DS (once he gets over the experience!).

WaxOnFeckOff Mon 30-Jul-18 09:55:41

You could passive-aggressively buy her a bathrobe. grin

PomegranateBun Mon 30-Jul-18 10:01:59

Was it a quick flit between bedroom and bathroom? If they live alone I bet they do this all the time (we do) and she forgot they were there

I've done this before. My daughter and her partner were staying over (obvs not kids, both in their late 20s) and in my hurry to get showered and dressed I completely forgot they were there - went downstairs to make a swift cuppa and walked in on them munching toast.
I don't know who was more surprised. Fortunately her partner had his back to me so no harm done to my dignity. Just saying. . . . it's easy done.

chickedychicked Mon 30-Jul-18 10:08:25

All the posters saying 'well I don't have any hang ups about nudity at all. Good for you!
obviously op doesn't like it and some of us would find it inappropriate.
I'm sure no kid really wants to see their grandmother naked, how awkward.
I think you should tour DH to have a word

Occamsrazorblade Mon 30-Jul-18 10:16:48

I actually think buying a robe is a good idea. She may not have one and if she’s going to be looking after the children and shower while they are there (there may be a good reason why she has to shower straight away) it would be s thoughtful gift.

For those that think it is ok for her to walk around naked in front of her grandchildren (even though the 12 year old obviously thought it was inappropriate) at what age, if any, do you think she should stop?

My FIL used to share a bed with MIL and DN (niece) when she stayed. There was no need for it (other rooms) and the extended family (including her other gps) thought this was inappropriate when she got into double figures, except SIL and the PILs and DN who had never known anything different. When she came to stay with us she thought she would be sharing a bed with us, her uncle and aunt.

You have to be aware of social norms whether you agree with them or not. Compared to the average person her age (now a teenager) DN is very naive and has been taken advantage of.

BertrandRussell Mon 30-Jul-18 10:20:16

"For those that think it is ok for her to walk around naked in front of her grandchildren"
I don't think anyone thinks it's OK for her to "walk around naked" in front of her grandsons.

Occamsrazorblade Mon 30-Jul-18 10:24:36

Bertrand The OP says “Ds1 came home and said gran was walking round naked“ and the first three posters at least said there was no problem, nothing wrong with it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 Mon 30-Jul-18 10:26:04

The OP doesn't need to buy a bloody robe! MIL probably has one. She just needs to talk to her like a grown up person.

WaxOnFeckOff Mon 30-Jul-18 10:35:18

My robe suggestion was a joke but my grin emoji didn't work on my phone.

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