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to think she's trying to steal my child

(313 Posts)

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Herringb0ne Tue 24-Jul-18 20:31:33

Hiya. Single mum to DS7 here. Have been a single mum from pretty much birth.

Dad has a new partner who he has been with for a number of years. I have gone out of my way to be friendly and inclusive, we have group facebook chat for arrangements, I get her birthday and Christmas presents, etc. In return I am treated like an inconvenience.

They now have a child together, DS7s half sibling.

She has on her Instagram profile that she is a 'Happy mother of two boys!!!' and so help me god I have not been able to rest about it. She is NOT MY SONS MOTHER. But nobody else thinks this is weird. I tried to raise it with Dad and he shrugged it off and said I was being sensitive.

DS7 later told me that she has told him to call her Mummy as it is apparently 'confusing' to his half-sibling (who is not old enough to talk......) if he calls her by name. I am incensed.

AIBU? He's MY SON.

Singlenotsingle Tue 24-Jul-18 20:33:31

He can call her Auntie Jane (or whatever her name is.

ConciseandNice Tue 24-Jul-18 20:33:53

YANBU! This would make me seethe. You need to have it out with her. This is unacceptable to broadcast on Instagram and just plain weird.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking Tue 24-Jul-18 20:34:13

Ooh.... she’s massively crossing some boundaries and so is your ex!!

I’m not anti step parent at all, my kids have a lovely step mum, but she is also respectful to me (and vice versa). I wouldn’t tolerate this.

Allthewaves Tue 24-Jul-18 20:35:13

Wow she is way overstepping boundries. Could u find another name ds can call her (now be nice grin) instead of mum?

FASH84 Tue 24-Jul-18 20:36:27

Meh, it depends my mum had a biological mum and a step mum, she calls them both mum as they've both been a big part of her life since she was young, both got mother's Day cards etc (bio mum has passed away now)

Herringb0ne Tue 24-Jul-18 20:37:11

She is very very very drama llama, which is why I haven't had it out with her, because it will cause so much bloody shit...

user1493413286 Tue 24-Jul-18 20:38:35

The Instagram thing would irritate me but the mum thing is just not on! Surely she would realise how awful that would feel to her if it was the other way round.
When people ask how many children I have I say one DD and one DSD; I dont just say 2 children as that’s not representative of my family.
I’d be having a very clear word with your DDs dad and ask how he’d feel if she called a partner of yours dad.
Also I think it’s more confusing to call her mum for her sister as she will know that they don’t have the same mum.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking Tue 24-Jul-18 20:39:47

I think your son is old enough that you can laugh with him and say ‘silly XXXX she knows you’ve already got the best mummy!!’ and find a nice way to put him off calling her mum?

Herringb0ne Tue 24-Jul-18 20:40:16

I have 'joked' that her DS should call me mum then too.

They were aghast. They call me 'Aunty Herringbone' to their kid. They can't see the hypocrisy.

Herringb0ne Tue 24-Jul-18 20:42:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missyB1 Tue 24-Jul-18 20:42:33

Help your son with how to explain to her that he already has a mum.

LadyRussell Tue 24-Jul-18 20:42:38

Tbh I would explain to your son that it’s up to him what he calls her and he will make his own mind up (which I strongly suspect will be NOT to call her Mum).

Stay strong and be secure that you are his mum and his only mum.

I wish I had loosened up and trusted my relationship with my own children 10 years ago.

I would have saved me and them a lot of grief.

longwayoff Tue 24-Jul-18 20:44:19

She's your stepmother. How is your son a sibling to your half brother? They are cousins

Herringb0ne Tue 24-Jul-18 20:45:50

@longwayoff

she's DS7s stepmum.

Stinkerbelldust Tue 24-Jul-18 20:45:59

My stepkids tried to call me mum when their half sibling game along. DSS was 7. Honestly at 15 he's very clear who is mum is and who I am. I discouraged him and helped them to think of an alternative nickname. I wouldn't push it though. I'd trust your own relationship with him. I'd only fight the fights I can win and this isn't one.

Karigan198 Tue 24-Jul-18 20:48:37

The mum of two boys comments seems pretty common and had that happen to me. I mulled it over and decided it was probably just easier than going into detail so shrugged and carried on.

The telling him to call her mummy though - no just no. Stamp on that hard

MangoApplePear Tue 24-Jul-18 20:49:39

I think you have been amazing at embracing her and remembering her birthday, etc, is very generous.

She sounds insensitive and I get why this has wound you up. I would be fuming.

But- don’t lose sight of the best possible outcome for your little boy, which is good family relations.

Are you feeling threatened by her? No one will ever replace you as his mummy.

longwayoff Tue 24-Jul-18 20:49:45

Ah. Wrong end of stick. Apologies. Not your dad. In which case she's a cow who is doing her best to undermine you. Be firm that he has one mum. You.

Returnofthesmileybar Tue 24-Jul-18 20:51:21

Change your Instagram/social media to "Happily married to <insert ex's name>" and when she freaks out say "meh don't be so sensitive"

Arum51 Tue 24-Jul-18 20:54:09

This is definitely weird. Put your foot down!

Iloveacurry Tue 24-Jul-18 20:54:26

Ask your Ex how would he feel if you had a partner and your son called him dad or daddy?

I’m sure he wouldn’t like it.

Wellthisunexpected Tue 24-Jul-18 20:54:34

I'm a bit on the fence here tbh.

On the one hand, her treating him as her own I think is lovely and shows a commitment to him I hope any step mother of DSs shows.

On the other, asking him to call her mum is off. My dniece calls her stepfather dad, but she asked if she could, it came from her. I'm sure her father is hurt, but it's her choice.

Her inability to treat you with respect is out of order.

bluebeck Tue 24-Jul-18 20:56:34

Sounds like she is deliberately trying to rile you.

I would make up a nickname for her and tell DS that is what we call her now. If it's Ok for them to do it it is OK for you. Kids understand nicknames.

Your ex sounds as bad.

I would take a step back from them, stop being so nice and inclusive.

gillybeanz Tue 24-Jul-18 20:56:47

make sure you post that you have a lovely son called x and he has a lovely half sibling called y.
You are very happy and looking forward to being mum to them both grin

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