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AIBU?

Going Back To Work

35 replies

WhatToDoForBest · 22/07/2018 16:23

Ok, so this has been playing on my mind for sometime now, and I still can't make up my mind. So some advice would be helpful. I have one DD, I'm currently on maternity leave. I only plan on having DD, because I never thought about having kids just decided they weren't in my plan. DD wasn't planned, but she is very much loved and wanted.
Me and her father are now separated because he's a gigantic piece of shit man child, but that's not something I'll go into here!
After having a meeting with my employer, who I have worked with for nearly 11 years, full time 40-50 hour weeks, it was agreed I could go back to work part time. 5 days at 4 hours a day. I've agreed to this, it's fine, I would rather work 3 full days and have 2 days off, but I'm happy with this outcome too.
They have told me the hours I will be working and will absolutely not budge on them. Not at all. The hours are slap bang in the middle of the day, late morning start to mid-afternoon finishing. My problem is that nurseries and child care in my area won't allow this "split shift" pattern. They have morning and afternoon slots, and no option of a crossover, like the situation I am in. I have chased down every nursery and begged for a little bit of leeway, but to no avail. Local child minders seem to give the same answers too, due to activities they plan with other children in their care. I'm at a loss.
AIBU to think Would it be so bad if I just quit my job and stayed at home with my DD til she reaches school age, and then go back to work? I'm frustrated that this seems to be the only option I have, but also would love to be able to spend that time with her considering she will most likely be my only child. I have enough savings to keep us going for a while, but I do worry about that money running out!
Anyone else ever found themselves in this situation and managed to find another option that works? I'm open to suggestions!

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Dolphinswimmingupsidedown · 22/07/2018 16:34

Sounds to me as though they’re making it as difficult as possible for you - either so you quit or agree to full days.

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VladmirsPoutine · 22/07/2018 16:40

Do you have savings for the next 5 years?

This sort of thing really gives me the rage. Once a woman becomes a mother it seems all bets are off.

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AssassinatedBeauty · 22/07/2018 16:41

Can you afford to pay for a full day at nursery even though you only need part of the day?

Did they give a business rationale for those hours?

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user139328237 · 22/07/2018 16:44

Depending on the job they may have chosen them hours as they are busier at them times (and can therefore cope with one fewer member of staff at other times) and so the employer isn't inherently being unreasonable.
The reason child care providers aren't interested in providing those hours is that another child couldn't make use of the remaining hours in the day unlike with morning or afternoon only hours.
You are single so would be completely unreasonable to give up all work for 3+years if you are expecting the taxpayer to fund you.
Those hours are clearly no use if you don't have family childcare so it looks like your realistic options are full time or finding another job.

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Lalaisloopsy · 22/07/2018 16:49

I gave up my job after having ds1 due to them giving me unmanageable hours I returnes for 5 months but I was walking away with £20 after childcare and travel . It was great after ds2 I found a great job who are amazing with hours.

It was hard not working financially and socially for me hence finding a job after ds2 but there are good jobs out there our entire team is made up of PT working mums or grans.

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Dreamingofkfc · 22/07/2018 16:52

Who has said about these hours? Why does the hours need to be these exact ones? I'd take it to HR and discuss it further, esp if you were willing to do full days. I think they have to at least look into flexible working for parents, and I'd go to them with your proposal

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Bambamber · 22/07/2018 16:59

Could you not look for another job with better hours? I know it's not as easy as that and jobs with suitable hours don't just magically appear exactly when you need them to, I just think it's another option rather than just working unsuitable hours or not working at all

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WhatToDoForBest · 22/07/2018 17:11

I agree and I'm currently on the look out for another job. I'm just finding it difficult looking because I still have 5 months of maternity left and I don't particularly want to cut that time with my daughter short, considering I'll be apart from her more when I return to work! In my current job, it was decided before my maternity began I would step down from my original role to a demoted one, due to my original role requiring a full time worker and it was my intention on returning part time. I'm ok to be in a new role, childcare just seems to be impossible with the hours though. The only reason they won't budge on the hours is because they suit. The earlier hours would be too early for child care (6.30am start) or the later ones too late 8.00pm finish time). I want to return to work, I'm just finding the options unsuitable at this moment, and I have a headache thinking of the best thing to do! I can't pay for full days at nursery and only use some of the hours because the whole day is £62, which over 5 days would be all of my wages gone!

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iheartmichellemallon · 22/07/2018 17:15

Your ex should be paying his fair share of childcare too though so would that not help with having to pay for full days?

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WhatToDoForBest · 22/07/2018 17:24

He's court ordered to pay me £204 a month.

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BackforGood · 22/07/2018 17:25

It is such as shame, as so many parents would love to have hours in the middle of the day, when (older) dc are at school, and can't get them!

However I can see that the middle of the day hours can't work with paid childcare. If your work really won't shift, then you can only apply for different jobs.

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AssassinatedBeauty · 22/07/2018 17:47

£204 a month. Wow, that's nothing at all.

Is it impossible to ask to go back full time, and then look for another job that would be more flexible?

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AssassinatedBeauty · 22/07/2018 17:48

And of course the ex gets to keep doing whatever he's doing without having to worry his little head about childcare, presumably.

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ASilhouetteAndNothingMore · 22/07/2018 17:55

I worked 11 to 5 when my Ds1 was small. My private nursery used to charge me for a full day even though he was onky tgere from 10.30. It was handy though on the odd occasion I needed to be in work early; I just dropped him off at 8.30.
That cost me 600 a month 10 years ago. I was earning around 800 a month. Luckily tax credits paid most of the childcare. Unfortunately I think the childcare providers were able to inflate their prices because of this.

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WhatToDoForBest · 22/07/2018 17:58

@AssassinatedBeauty yes thats absolutely right, he doesn't have a single worry except missing out on £204 a month. Nothing changes for him. I don't really want to go back full time, I just feel like I would have no time at all with my daughter and I would miss so much. I don't have family that can help out, she's with me all the time, we have never been apart. So a very literal single parent! I'm looking into a new job, but I obviously can't apply for a job and tell them I'm still in maternity leave until the end of the year! It does seem to be really tricky to go back to work, childcare wise, if the hours are really generic.

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Flicketyflack · 22/07/2018 18:09

Have you thought if using a childminder fir these hours?

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Flicketyflack · 22/07/2018 18:10

Once your child is older these hours would fit around school timesWink

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Wellthisunexpected · 22/07/2018 18:14

Do not nurseries near you have a "school hours" option? A couple of ours do. It's basically 9-3.30 and you pay about 80% of a full day.

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rainingcats · 22/07/2018 18:14

Would a nanny share work? I'm thinking if another child the nanny looks after is in school then that might be workable? Family friend / stay at home mum you could pay to help out? It's a shame that nurseries are not that flexible - not everyone has a 9 To 5 job

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Poptart4 · 22/07/2018 18:14

I had to give up work when my children were small as i had no childcare and paying for childcare just wasn't financially viable. It cost more than i earned. If you think you can afford to take a work break for afew years then absolutely do it. They are only young once and trust me it goes so quickly. Im back at work now but am glad i had those years with my children.

Dont let judgemental people lecture you on costing the taxpayer money. You've worked full time and paid tax up until now and will eventually go back to work and pay more tax. Theres nothing wrong with getting some help for a couple of years. You will be paying tax for most of your life, why shouldn't you get some help when you need it.

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goodbyeeee · 22/07/2018 18:15

Do you think your employer would even consider you doing 3 full days instead? If so I would try and re-negotiate. I'm sorry - it's crap. My previous employer refused to let me go back part time after DC1 . The only child care I could get was 3 days a week so me and DP had to take a days annual leave each per week for 6 months until I was able to move to a part-time role.

Could you try a nanny share?

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user139328237 · 22/07/2018 18:23

No one is going to agree to work a couple of hours at each end of the day so it is likely that the quite reasonably have little flexibility in the hours.
The state doesn't owe you a living so resigning without another job to go to is not an option and realistically neither are the hours they are proposing so it looks like you will have to compromise somewhere either in applying for jobs that might require you to start earlier than you'd ideally like or by working full time (or possibly investigating whether any local childminders could provide childcare for either of the other shift times at a lower cost than paying all day).

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heatwaveisnofunwhenpregnant · 22/07/2018 18:23

If you have savings and you are contemplating getting another job, I would quit (but not yet) and look for one with better hours. Surely the savings will take off the immediate pressure and as you say, 5 months to looks for a new job is quite some time for a lot of job roles. It might be worth agreeing for now and start actively looking in say 3 months time. Keep your options as open as possible!

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nordicwannabe · 22/07/2018 18:24

A child minder definitely seems like the best option, since your hours are whilst other children are at school, so they could fit your DC in without needing to charge the whole day (assuming you can be back for 3pm). Holidays would be tricky though.

It's crap that work doesn't always pay in the early years Sad. It is worth considering the long-term impact of stopping work though, ie your ability to get similar work after 4 years not working. Once your DD is at school (which will happen quicker than you think!) those hours will be perfect.

Make sure you take all the benefits/tax credits etc you are eligible for into account when figuring out your 'break-even' point for working... and think about what that continuity is worth to you if you are a bit under break-even, depressing though that is Sad

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BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 22/07/2018 18:31

It sounds like they are trying to be flexible as they don't have to agree to a request at all. Your childcare costs are not their concern.

I'd start looking now for the hours you want elsewhere (assuming you can survive purely on a part time wage) and if it means a little less maternity then so be it. Your daughter won't remember if you took 12 days or 12 months so in reality it doesn't matter.

Unless you have a huge amount in savings, then quitting and living off them for four years is madness. Plus it will be much harder to find work then as employers don't want employees with huge gaps where they haven't worked.

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