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AIBU?

AIBU to be upset and hurt over DH comments

88 replies

MamafromOz · 21/07/2018 23:26

My husband has never been one to say nice things to me. He is more likely to tell me all the things I do wrong instead of right. I have gotten used to it though it is hard sometimes. Especially since he doesn’t seem to have problems complimenting others or perming and used to be loving towards me in the beginning.

Well I have been struggling a bit lately with being a SAHM and with my weight since having DS. I’m not over weight but have a belly donut.

It is our 1 st wedding anniversary tomorrow and we went out tonight for it. I got dressed up and put on a dress and heels because I know he likes it when I wear dresses which I don’t normally do.

Didn’t get one remark or compliment on my effort or how I looked however I thought ok nothing new unfortunately. Then throughout the night I felt like all I was getting was insults. At one point he mentions how I am a scatter brain and disorganized. Far from the truth as I run this house hold and everything else. Then as as we were walking we heard a whistle and he said is someone whistling at you and then I said I doubt it I feel like a cow in this dress to which he laughed and said yea a cow. I said so you obviously agree. His response was don’t be that girl who needs reassuring.

I left it. I am never that girl but once and awhile it would be nice to feel loved. He then sat at the bar and then made a comment about how I have shit chat and that I need to learn to walk in heels like other women.

My night just made me feel worthless. I’m upset and wondering if I am being too sensitive and taking things the wrong way. Do you think I am over reacting ?

OP posts:
Purplevicki · 21/07/2018 23:28

He sounds delightful.

Timefortea99 · 21/07/2018 23:30

He is a prick but you know that. Don’t chase his good opinion.

PickAChew · 21/07/2018 23:31

It's an old trope but you're carrying about 12 stone of excess weight.

Absolutely not too sensitive. He's an utter prick.

lmk66 · 21/07/2018 23:31

No, you're not overreacting. He sounds like a douchebag.

I'm sure you looked lovely (& I can't walk in heels either!) xx

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/07/2018 23:31

You’re describing emotional distance and a gulf between you both
You’d understandably like a compliment and he’s no doing it
I don’t understand why you feel like a cow, why’s that
Fundamental questions are is this fixable?do you both want it fixed

Lipsticktraces · 21/07/2018 23:32

I think you’re under reacting if
Anything op.

He sounds like a total dick.

Rocinante1 · 21/07/2018 23:34

Youve only been married a year? So you either married a man who treats you like this or he changed as soon as the honeymoon was over.

If the former then what the he'll where you thinking? If the latter, why did you stay and have a kid?

Why are you choosing to raise a family and spend your life with him, like that, feeling worthless?

Get a grip, wake up and end it.

Singlenotsingle · 21/07/2018 23:35

And you've only been married a year? It's a husband's job to make his dw happy. A happy wife means a happy life. This is not going to last long is it?

Aeroflotgirl · 21/07/2018 23:37

He's a dickhead who has ground you down, you are feeling like this after a year, how will you feel like after 10 years with him. Don't have any kids with him, and think of a future without him in.

Rocinante1 · 21/07/2018 23:38

@Aeroflotgirl

She has a kid with him.

Babdoc · 21/07/2018 23:39

Why do you put up with this shit, OP? Why do you live with a rude critical prick who undermines your self esteem and belittles you? What possible joy or affection or companionship can you be getting from this disgrace of a man?
I’d pull him up sharp on his behaviour. Tell him you expect him to manage at least the basic decencies of common courtesy. And that if he can’t treat you with respect and love, you’re perfectly capable of finding someone else who will.
Don’t be this bastard’s doormat, OP - he will just despise you for giving in to his abuse.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/07/2018 23:40

Oh right, oh god. Oh yes too much wine.

ShovingLeopard · 21/07/2018 23:40

He's absolutely horrible, and takes delight in hurting you. I take it he himself has the looks of David Gandy, and the fascinating conversational skills of David Niven? Thought not. You could try asking him why he's so happy to hurt you, but I expect he'd turn it round to you being 'sensitive' or 'unable to take a joke'. Has he always been this way?

NLBM · 21/07/2018 23:41

You could do so much better Thanks

MamafromOz · 21/07/2018 23:44

Yes married one year but we have been together for 8 years. My DS is 2 year old.

Felt like a cow because I felt fat and stupid in the dress. I am about a stone overweight at the moment.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/07/2018 23:46

You need to stop that self criticism, you’ve got him at it too
As you said you’re organised,you're a good mum. Enough self criticism

Rocinante1 · 21/07/2018 23:48

So why did you marry him? Why are you staying?

Give your kid s happier home. It really is bloody selfish to raise I kid in the kind of home life you are describing.
Seriously, why the hell did you marry him? Why do you put up with this? I don't understand women like you.

Brazenhussy0 · 21/07/2018 23:51

Why are you still with this hideous person?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 21/07/2018 23:52

Do you compliment him?

I ask because we had a role reversal in our house due to circs, and whereas I used to do most of the "wifework", my DH now does it. I always make a point of noticing what he's done (if he does anything) and thanking him for it. He never used to notice or thank me. BUT now that I regularly do it to him, I get it back - whenever I do anything he notices and thanks me.

Worth a try, maybe? The thing about your problem/issue is that it leaves you feeling bad, but it isn't bothering your DH overly much. So he will see no need to change his behaviour or attitude.

mumknowsbest47 · 21/07/2018 23:55

Yeah don’t be that girl..........that lets him talk to you like s**t. I am sorry but he is a knob. Or maybe he feels somehow insecure and needs to put you down to make himself feel better. Either way, you sound perfectly normal to me and probably very lovely. Give him some of his own medicine and tell him he looks ridiculous in whatever he chooses to wear Grin

Eatmycheese · 21/07/2018 23:56

He sounds like a total pig.
If he’s is that unkind and provocative on your first wedding anniversary it doesn’t bode well. I felt heartbroken for you reading what he has said and done.

You are a human being and as such should be treated with dignity and respect.

You gave birth to his child and are his wife: as such you should be cherished and treasured. What he does sound a country mile off that

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/07/2018 23:58

Looking at your user name are you from Oz?is he from UK or Oz,did yiu relocate because of him?
Fundamentally- do you want to be with him?
Was he always a git too you?

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MamaOotie · 21/07/2018 23:58

It's not you it's him.

That comment 'don't be that girl' is designed to make you question yourself rather than his inadequate behaviour in emotionally supporting you. Don't internalise his inadequacies.

usernamefromhell · 22/07/2018 00:01

Sorry to be so blunt, but you are way, way under-reacting. You need to leave him.

That comment about "don't be that girl who needs reassuring" is very telling. It basically says he expects you not to ask anything of him whatsoever. He's gone out of his way to put you down on what should be a special occasion for both of you.

He's a sadistic piece of shit who takes pleasure in undermining you and putting you down. This won't get better.

I understand you have a young baby and it can't be easy, but you need to start taking steps towards getting out of this marriage ASAP. Where are you? Do you have any support?

NordicNobody · 22/07/2018 00:08

My husband has never been one to say nice things to me

once and awhile it would be nice to feel loved

These are 2 of the saddest things I've read in a long while. Your life doesn't have to be like this 😔

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