Being taken shopping

[MsBagelLady]

My DF has offered several times to take me clothes shopping. I usually buy second hand and am struggling at the moment to find anything to wear. My DF only wants to help me and make my life easier, the thing is that I do not understand what 'take me shopping for clothes' means. Does it mean buy a dress, a whole new wardrobe, something to wear to go out for dinner? I haven't asked DF these questions as I become immediately stressed, overwhelmed and start crying. He says he thinks that I think I don't deserve new clothes but I don't think this is the reason. I haven't bought myself any clothes new [other than undies] for about thirty years. I am getting upset writing this. So, yes I probably am being unreasonable and expect to be slated but here goes...it's advice I need really.

[MsBagelLady]

Oh and he means go shopping for brand new clothes, in shops that I have never been into. I'm nervous of going in them and feeling scruffy and out of place, I think that's part of it.

[lplo]

Just reply what you mean by clothes shopping have you a budget In mind so I'm aware of what sort of clothes I can get etc just be upfront

[justpoppngby]

If you're happy about him buying and you having new stuff just say that it's lovely and did he have a budget in mind so you can decide in advance which shops you think you'd like to look around.

[PitterPatterOfBigFeet]

it sounds like you're having a difficult time. Is DF your father friend? If someone said they would take me clothes shopping I would assume it meant we would both go clothes shopping together and they would pay for what I bought.

What kind of relationship do you have with him? Why does he say you don't deserve new clothes?

[MsBagelLady]

DF is my fiance, have I got the DF thing wrong? The 'D's confuse me sometimes.

[Llanali]

You sound incredibly anxious. Are you anxious in other areas or is this isolated to clothing?

If you think it’s not because of a feeling of not deserving nee clothes, do you have thoughts about what it is about? Is DF your dad or fiancé?

[Storm4star]

When you say DF, do you mean father/fiance/friend? It would usually mean somewhere between one item and a whole new wardrobe, so say a couple of outfits probably. And I would be pretty certain that you're not as "scruffy" as you think you are! Have you seen how people dress to go shopping? No one dresses up! I'm sure whatever you would wear would be fine.

It sounds like this would all be a little overwhelming for you though, so maybe you could agree to a trip to just one place? Maybe a department store?

[eyycarumba]

I can't imagine anyone slating you but I am confused how you are so upset about your dad wanting to gift you some new clothes? Is it a pride thing?
I would presume he just means a few new pieces rather than a whole wardrobe (depending on his finances), but you won't know unless you ask him.

[Storm4star]

ok, cross posted!

[NoProbLlama78]

That sounds really nice of him. Ask him and say you'll look online at the shops online to get an idea of what you might like.

This might save you going round places and not liking anything in there

[eyycarumba]

Just seen you meant fiance - not dad - Oops.

Same advice.

[Llanali]

@PitterPatterOfBigFeet

He doesn’t think that. He thinks OP thinks she doesn’t deserve new clothes.

[pinkhorse]

This seems like a major overreaction tbh. Is there something going on in your life to make you like this?

[Llanali]

I agree with pinkhorse. Crying, overwhelmed and stressed is not a normal reaction to talking about clothes shopping.

[NonaGrey]

It sounds like he wants to do something nice for you but that trawling round the shops might be too much.

There are other options though.

Eg You could make an appointment with a personal at John Lewis. You sit down in a private room with your fiancé and a nice lady and chat about what kinds of things you want/need and then she goes off round the store and picks out stuff for you to try on. There’s no pressure to buy at all.

Alternatively your DF and you could have some fun internet shopping. Order a pile of things together one night having a laugh with a glass of wine and then send back what doesn’t suit.

[44PumpLane]

If you have anxiety about the actual shopping, rather than him getting you new clothes, would you consider trying to get a few pieces online from brands you have second hand clothes in?

Eg if you have a second hand pair of Dorothy Perkins trousers you could try ordering some online from DPs?

[Keeptrudging]

Shop online. I hate clothes shopping, it makes me really anxious. On the other hand, DH loves going clothes shopping with me (usually when I'm returning something too short that he's bought for me), so you could have fun?

[BlancheM]

Online shopping is your friend! I'm sure you'll get many recommendations over in the Style and Beauty board :)
I hope you treat yourself, you deserve it.

[abigailsnan]

Do you feel nervous because you would prefer vintage clothes rather than going into a new clothing store,if this is the problem can you explain to your DF what makes you more comfortable.

[NameChangeUni]

Well you know your fiancé the best - roughly how much does he spend on clothes shopping for himself? What sort of shops does he shop in? Does he have a lot of clothes himself? This might help you estimate his budget and the shops that you’ll go in.

I think it’s better to buy more, cheaper items as it doesn’t seem like you have much of a wardrobe right now. It would be better to have a few different options rather than fewer, more expensive items as then you’ll run into the same problem of wearing out your clothes.

Might be worth creating a list of items you’d like? Eg black trousers for work, coat for winter etc. Whatever that you feel like you’re desperately lacking.

[MsBagelLady]

DF is my fiance.
He recently bought me a car as mine needed too much work on it to make it worth doing and I didn't have a problem with that. The car cost a lot more than any clothes would so my reaction to this nice thing he has offered to do doesn't make sense.
I don't usually suffer with anxiety, it's just this for some reason has me in tears and really tense. I love clothes, especially dresses, I expected myself to jump at the chance of having loads of choice but instead I'm hugely overwhelmed.
Looking online for ideas is a good suggestion and DF has suggested going to a local[ish] shopping centre and having a look around but I can . hardly breathe just thinking about that.

[NameChangeUni]

*so you’re not trying on random things in store which will make you flustered

[Llanali]

Ok, so this is a clothes thing, not a general thing.

What are you concerned about happening in a local shopping centre? Are you able to identify why you can’t breathe and are feeling so worried about it?

[Myotherusernameisbest]

Don't shop online, go to the shopping centre so you can try different things on. Why not go under the assumption he is buying you one oufit and then see where it goes from there. I am sure he will soon say to you to buy more if he has that in mind, I am assuming he is coming with you? Try not to be anxious and don't worry about looking scruffy! Go and enjoy the experience! If you come away with one lovely new dress, brilliant. If you come away with 10, even better!

[cardibach]

I second Nona’s suggestion of a personal shopper - maybe Debenhams rather than John Lewis as the prices are lower on average and you could get more stuff, still of a reasonable quality. You will, as she says, be in a quiet room, with a coffee, and a lovely assistant will discuss what you like, what kind of things you might like, your life style etc then she will bring you lots of lovely things, all in outfits. You can buy all or none or anything in between.