To have raised a gentleman?

[Storm4star]

Off the back of another thread, where people are saying men shouldn’t have to give up their seat for a pregnant lady,

I raised a gentleman. He’s in his 20s and gives up his seat on a train for an elderly person or pregnant woman. We had a lovely moment in Japan where he gave up his seat for an elderly lady (men are notoriously bad there for thinking they take precedence over women) and we saw her rummaging in her bag and, as she got off, she gave him a beautiful handmade gift she had there, to say thank you. It was such a sweet moment. Is this so wrong?

Why does feminism mean that men can’t show manners and decency to other human beings because they are female? Is it really so insulting? My son cooks and cleans and is fully aware that any woman in his life should be treated as an equal. However, he is also kind and caring and was raised to treat women respectfully and with kindness. To help them if they need help.

For the most part, women are not as physically strong as men. Men do not need to go through pregnancy, childbirth, period issues, menopause (which I am certainly currently struggling with) etc etc. Why are we pretending that our bodies are the same? Is equal pay and treatment dependant on proving you are physically as “tough” as a man?

I’m actually not sorry that I have raised him to be the man he is, because I am proud of him. I think feminism is a bit skewed to think that we have to be “just like men” to earn equality.

[BeefyCakes]

[21jumpstreet]

My DS is only 5 but I hope to be able to teach him the things you have taught your son. He sounds like a lovely young man. Any tips?

[ItchyBitchFace]

YANBU

[MyWaterButtIsEmpty]

Why does feminism mean that men can’t show manners and decency to other human beings because they are female?

It doesn't mean anything of the sort, and you haven't raised your son to do anything I wouldn't expect of a well mannered able bodied adult person of either sex.

Also this is a blatant TAAT

[MaggieMeldrum]

I brought up my son to be kind and compassionate to all humans, not just the opposite sex so yes yabu

[MsFrizzle]

So this was just a thread to brag about how amazing your son is?

[Sirzy]

Surely you have just raised him to be nice?

I haven’t seen the other thread but I wouldn’t think twice about offering my seat to someone who appeared to need it. I don’t get how that is “being a gentleman” as I’m pretty sure I’m not one!

[LalaLeona]

Not sure how anyone could find anything wrong with what you have written about your son. He sounds lovely.

[MyWaterButtIsEmpty]

Also, just how tough does a woman need to be to stand up on a train?? I am female with osteoarthritis in one of my joints and I could manage it

[butterflysugarbaby]

Cool story bro.

[P00ka]

Omg, you're confusing common decency with a lack of equality.



Also, another biscuit for moving yourself to tears for what amounts to a tiny act of common decency.

[ChanklyBore]

It is fine to show respect, kindness and manners. Admirable.

But it should not be predicated on him being male (for example, what is considered good manners in men is often just considered normal/expected in women) nor on the subjects of his kindness being female (be kind to everyone, and do not make judgements on their ‘worthiness’ or strength, mental, physical or otherwise, based on their biological sex)

[UneMoonit]

YANBU.

A man who cares for and protects women as a rule will be respected for it by everyone whose respect is worth having.

[pallisers]

Why does feminism mean that men can’t show manners and decency to other human beings because they are female?

it doesn't.

[EatTheChocolateTeapot]

As a woman, I also give up my seat for people less able to stand. It is just common courtesy.
Feminism is about obtaining equality of rights with men not being considered as being identical to men.

[Storminamug]

Raising your child to give up their seat for someone pregnant or elderly is not something that is gender specific. It is part of raising a decent human being.

[notsolittlegrebe]

I'm torn between giving you a biscuit and engaging... But ok I will bite:

You have raised him to be a decent person, which is great! And it would be great if he were male or female. I hope he'd give up his seat for an elderly or disabled man also.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

This is a very weird AIBU.

[crazycatgal]

He's not done anything amazing, he's being a decent person. However, he should move for anyone that needs a seat whether they are male or female.

Moving for those less able bodied than you is not something that feminists have an issue with. Why are you bringing up feminism.

[NewYearNewMe18]

Well said!

I have three boys just like yours, OP. They're just like their father and grand fathers; decent, kind, enlightened men who saw marriage as an equal partnership long before women were burning bras. The 'Ladette' culture did no one any favours, least of all woman.

[Bambamber]

You have kind of missed the point. It's not a case of not showing manners to women, it's showing manners equally to everyone regardless of sex. And women should show the same kind of manners as men, nothing stopping and able bodied woman from holding a door open or offering a seat

[BigPinkBall]

But if your son was a daughter would you not have also expected her to give up her seat for an elderly person?

What people object to is women being treated as inferior, for example holding doors open when the woman is perfectly capable of holding the door herself or giving up a seat when both are perfectly able to stand, it’s patronising.

[LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]

I'm not sure which other thread you are talking about but I don't agree with what you seem to think equates to other people's view of feminism...

[TheNavigator]

This is nonsense - would he stomp all over an elderly man because as a 'gentleman' only weak & feeble women deserve consideration?

How about we raise our kids to treat people with decency regardless of sex - is that too hard?