Husband blaming me for stuff our toddler does AIBU?

[TheDailyMailisTrumpCock]

Our 18 month old DS is a menace. He’s into everything, climbing, switches, buttons, dirt, mud, toothpaste, keys... you get the idea. I’ve had to nail everything down and toddler-proof as much of the house as I can. Turn the oven and the dishwasher off at the mains switch on the wall every time, to stop him fiddling with them, that kind of thing.

I’m a SAHM and have other children at home too. Toddler DS is by no means allowed to just roam freely around the house, but there are small windows of opportunity when I’m in the loo, or making lunch, or hanging out the washing, when I don’t have eyes on him the whole time.

He’s done minor damage to some of our furniture in the past and the other day, he scratched the shiny surface of a particular bit of furniture that DH especially likes and was quite expensive.

DH is blaming me for not being able to ‘control’ DS. DH maintains that the children never misbehave with him and that DS would never do something like that on ‘his watch’ because DS is scared of the bollocking he’d get from DH. I’ve argued with DH in the past about how harsh I think he is with the DCs. Wrenching their arms by frog marching them and smacking hands away too hard imo.

He thinks if I was as much of a disciplinarian as he is then DS wouldn’t fuck up furniture.

I think that the damage wasn’t that bad and that his sort of thing is par for the course when you have a boisterous 18 month old. Everyone knows you don’t have lovely, expensive things when you have small DCs for exactly this reason.

Now DH is all in a huff with me because he thinks I ‘let’ DS damage the furniture. I think he’s being an arse. AIBU?

[Whattheactualfuckmate]

Tell him to piss off. Honestly

My youngest two have ruined our house. Keeping a house tidy when you have more than one small child is like trying to clean your teeth with kit kat.

This isn’t the end it will only get worse. My five year old is worse than my two year old!

[Singlenotsingle]

No you ANBU. He's being an Arse of the first order

[MyWaterButtIsEmpty]

He hurts your kids deliberately. You have bigger problems than some scratched furniture.

[TheDailyMailisTrumpCock]

Thank you. I know he’s being an arse. I just enjoy hearing other people say it too!

What annoys me is the arrogance of saying that nothing like that would happen on his watch. As if he’s the perfect parent and as if he’s ever had them for longer than a weekend on his own —when his mum has popped round to help—

[Glitterandunicorns]

I agree with @MyWaterButtIsEmpty. Trying not to be judgy here, but your DH hurts your kids and frightens them into conforming to what he wants? Fuck that. Please please protect your children, OP. If you don't, you risk damaging your relationship with them when they're older.
I know it's easier said than done, but don't let your kids grow up in a house where they're frightened and one of the people who is supposed to look after them hurts them.

[wellBeehivedWoman]

He sounds pretty horrible - he shouldn't be 'bollocking' a small child (who is likely to find that terribly frightening) and he certainly shouldn't be wrenching them or hitting them hard.

Him blaming you for normal toddler behaviour is an issue but it sounds like his general attitude to the kids is a bigger one.

[Sleepyandtired21]

Go on holiday for a week without anyone else. Wait for him to grovel when you get back.

[Spudlet]

That description of him manhandling your tiny child made me wince. He's a baby, ffs.

We were all scared of my dad growing up too. Now we're all no contact. He wasn't at my wedding. He wasn't at DSis' wedding. He hasn't met his grandchildren. He reaped what he sowed. Your DH had better watch it, because he might well do the same.

[Pressuredrip]

He's being a dick. I have an 18 month old too (my third child) so know exactly what they are like. When ours trashed his tool box, emptied it and snapped the lid the other day, he simply despaired with me and moved it to a different place. I wasn't blamed. Plus you can't discipline a 1 year old, it's a bit concerning to hear he shouts and hits him.

[ProfessorMoody]

Your DH is assaulting your children. You're happy with this to happen!

[ProfessorMoody]

? *

[Fluffypinkpyjamas]

He’s a bully and abusive. Don’t let him ruin your lives.

[SuperMumTum]

Agree with everyone else. My kids are both super well behaved and not difficult to manage at all and they still occasionally scratch something or knock something over. I love that they can have free reign in their own home to just be kids and would hate for them to always be worried about getting told off. YANBU.

[Toddleoo]

What if you agree with your DH, tell him you can't stop DS damaging furniture. Point out you can't even stop your DH - a fully grown educated adult - from acting out towards your DS so what hope have you got with a toddler. Ask DH if he'd be on board with you practicing being more displinarian with him (DH) and if you can get him to stop being violent you'll start trying to train the toddler.

[Racecardriver]

Tell him that if he dies a whole week alone with them and nothing gers wrecked you will replace his shiny furniture. He will realise that he is a dick and you will get at least half a day to yourself.

[gandalf456]

I think this is a common one. Children tend to play up their primary carers no matter how good their parenting skills are .

No doubt when he has ds, he only looks after ds, too. I bet he doesn't expect to do housework.

Also, I agree that what ds does is par for the course and some are more into everything than others. I strongly believe it's nature not nuture.

I also agree he is being overly harsh for the child's age and anyway it's silly to indirectly suggest that you don't mind things being wrecked.

And I also think there are undertones of sexism in his entire attitude to thus issue like you are a silly, twittering woman. Your ds isn't the only one getting a bollocking here

[londonloves]

Maybe he should be a stay at home Dad then and look after them?
Seriously, I think you have to give up on having nice things when you have small people, he's being a dick.

[londonloves]

Sorry I missed th me bit about him smacking them. Yes. You have bigger problems

[endofthelinefinally]

I came on this thread to advise you to leave him with the DC for a couple of days on his own.
But then I read that he physically hurts your toddler and I agree with others that this puts an entirely different slant on it.
He sounds cruel and nasty.
I couldn't live with someone like that.
What on earth is he going to be like when he has to deal with teenagers?

[NeatFreakMama]

DS would never do something like that on ‘his watch’ because DS is scared of the bollocking he’d get from DH

How do you give an 18 month old a bollocking, that's crazy, he's a baby

[BrexitWife]

Does he ever look after all the dcs together doe rhe whole day AND prepare lunches etc..?
I suspect not tbh otherwise he would know that it’s not as easy as that.

As for not doing anything like this with him because ds is ‘scared of the bolloking’, is he REALLY saying he is pround if the fact his son is frightened of him??

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

Not On his watch? Hes a child at home,not a state penitentiary inmate to be corralled.
Children don’t need “control” they need love, consistency and regard
He is a ghastly bully. Bullies you and his kids. Is physically rough with his toddler son
boundaries are age appropriate and fair. He’s not parenting he’s throwing his weight about

[TellsEveryoneRealFacts]

If he can't even look after them on his own without his mummy, then he is hardly in a position to lecture you.

Tell him to shut the fuck up from me.

[3luckystars]

He sounds like a right bully.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Your 18 month old is scared of the bollocking he'd get from his father if he plays up?

You need to worry about the damage to your kids not the furniture.

I would not want him near my kids unsupervised