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AIBU?

To be concerned about school mum and my kids

164 replies

upsideup · 17/07/2018 12:23

I'm pregnant and my DH is away so I'm not sure if I'm being excessively paranoid and overprotective of my kids or if I should be thinking this mum is a possible danger to them.

She has two kids in the same primary as mine, one of hers does gymnastics with DS, I've never really spoken to her before and our kids have never been close but a couple of weeks ago she started making a real effort with me and my kids, she seemed really nice at first but quite full on. Even when we've met without the kids its always about them and mostly mine, she doesn't seem to be interested in talking about herself or about me. Lots of questions about their hobbies, their middle names etc, nothing I had any reason not to answer but just questions that friends who have known my kids forever wouldn't know the answer to or care enough to ask.

Then last week she tried to take our kids home from school, no one asked her to do and DD1 was stood just round the corner with our dog to pick them up, her excuse was that she couldn't see us anywhere and didn't want them to be left on their own and that she hoped we would do the same if it was her kids. I let it go and hoped that she was just trying to be nice and that she wouldn't actually have taken them without talking to the school or ringing us but it made me really uncomfortable, our kids don't get on that well and we don't either so I just stopped making any effort with her.

She hasn't stopped though, on sports day she was cheering my kids on more than I was (well I wasn't at all, I was just watching). DD2 asked me to come with her to the toilet, she jumped in and said mum can stay here and I'll take you, weird but maybe she was trying to be helpful, needed to go anyway and didn't want me to have to get up. DD did well in a competition she was at last week which DH posted about on his private instagram and she stole the photos and videos with DH's caption on and did her own public post on facebook about how proud she is of her friends dd, it took about a day of me asking for her to delete it untill she finally did and then she started saying how I should be more proud and dd deserves better.

Today dd1(22) took the kids to school and shes sent me a really long and dramatic message about how she doesnt like the way she acts around the kids (her half siblings), theres been lots of little comments over the last few weeks suggesting that she doesnt like DD1 but today saying she acts like their mum and that even though she doesnt like me anymore, she thinks its disrespectful and that I have a right to know and shes happy to pick them up or start taking them to school if I can't. Shes also saying how she loves my kids and would hate to lose her relationship with them because of our relationship, they dont have a relationship with her.

I know I can prevent her being near them over the summer but but next year she will be at school every morning and evening as well as at every school events, she will be at DS's gymnastics club every week and I'm really scared
So, AIBU to be concerned by all this? I'm really considering talking to the school and the gym and asking that she be kept away from them but that seems so over the top, reading through all the things shes done they do seem weird but also on there own to some one else they could just seem like shes trying to be nice.

OP posts:
Emma765 · 17/07/2018 12:27

She sounds bizarre.

Did she really say "Even though I don't like you anymore.. " about your daughter?

Mookatron · 17/07/2018 12:28

Don't be scared, but it is a bit weird. I'd have a casual word with the school and explain the situation.

Hopefully she'll have moved on to something/ someone else after the holidays.

outofmydepth45 · 17/07/2018 12:30

Mad as a box of frogs. Watching with interest as I've had this happen to me and she isn't taking stay away as an answer.

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 17/07/2018 12:32

Tell your children that under no circumstances are they to go with her even if she says “your Mum asked me to collect you”

She sounds wired to the moon tbh.

Daffodil2018 · 17/07/2018 12:32

God! What a nutter! And you've only been talking to her properly for a couple of weeks. I'd leave it for now and hope it dies down over the holidays. Good luck.

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 17/07/2018 12:33

Definitely speak to the gym and school and make sure they know she does not have permission to collect your DC or discuss them with the staff.

PrettyLovely · 17/07/2018 12:34

I would ignore her and make sure the school know that she isnt to pick your kids up.
Did u know much about her before this through any friends?

NewYearNewMe18 · 17/07/2018 12:34

Are your children quite popular and she's trying to get 'the rub' and make popular by association?

DH posted about on his private instagram and she stole the photos and videos How did she have access to this ? Tighten up your controls.

You aren't paranoid, she sounds stalkerish batshit to me.

AllMimsey · 17/07/2018 12:39

Do you think she might be doing all this to try and make you like her more? scrapes bottom of barrel

upsideup · 17/07/2018 12:39

Thankyou, I don't want to end up looking like the crazy paranoid mum.
The 'Even though I don't like you anymore' was about me not dd.
I'll talk to the gym, if she doesnt stop over the summer I will talk to the school in september.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 17/07/2018 12:42

Is she friends with your husband?

Emma765 · 17/07/2018 12:43

I took that it was about you, sorry I didn't word my question well, that's just such a bizarre thing to say to someone! At first it sounded like she really wanted a friend and close relationship but then it got weird. Maybe she got offended when it didn't pan out how she'd planned?

Tonkerbea · 17/07/2018 12:44

You're not being paranoid, her behaviour is completely inappropriate.

Hope she backs off. I'd block her number too.

matchingpjs · 17/07/2018 12:45

I wonder what you would do if this person was a male?
At the least harmful she appears almost obsessed with your children. It's not healthy and I'm not sure what your best plan of action is. Could you start always doing the school runs and taking to gym club for a while?

dellie84 · 17/07/2018 12:45

So weird! Go by your instincts!!! Absolutely say something, and even if it gets dimissed you did the right thing!
Make sure you talk to your children too as AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale said, and make sure they are clear never to go anywhere with her - people can be weird and you are not crazy to ere on the side of caution!
She's lucky you aren't the type to say f* off!

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 17/07/2018 12:46

Urgh... this happened to me but the kids were still in nursery. One day when I picked both up (mine and hers) to help her out and was doing homework with them, I noticed notes about my son in her son's book.

When I looked properly, she had been writing horrible things about my son to the school and demanding that they always put my son down and praise hers because hers needed it and mine didn't.

Gobsmacked, I approached the school in the morning and was told that I was best friends with this mum. I most definitely wasn't. All sorts of stories and lies came out that she told about me.

Luckily the school were very good and kept my son safe while at the same time preserving the little friendship (her son was really lovely, although very meek and quiet).

Years later, the dad divorced the mum and she lost custody. Could only see him once a week, supervised. That little boy blossomed.

She was a complete nutter (this is only a small bit of what she did).

Make sure the school knows

cameltoeflappyflapflap · 17/07/2018 12:46

That's odd.

Speak to the School regarding pick ups and things xx

Magicpaintbrush · 17/07/2018 12:47

That is bizarre behaviour. So at this point she is saying directly to you that she doesn't like you but she is obsessing over your kids and has claimed she has a special relationship with them when in fact they hardly know her? And she is trying to find excuses to spend time with them? And sticking her nose in when your eldest dd picks your younger children up from school - it's none of her business, why does she think she has a right to an opinion about it? That is crazy and you are right to be concerned. I wouldn't wait until September to talk to the school, talk to them today. If she doesn't stop hassling you then I think you need to be assertive and tell her in no uncertain terms to back off and that your children are none of her business.

BestZebbie · 17/07/2018 12:52

She's not lining herself up to be their stepmum, is she? Your DH definitely doesn't know her?

NeatFreakMama · 17/07/2018 12:53

I think this sounds scary to me. I'd get in touch with the school and anywhere else she might try to get to your children. As a previous poster said I'd also talk to the kids about never going with her, under any circumstances. Odd behaviour and it's better safe than sorry really so you're not BU at all!

InfiniteVariety · 17/07/2018 12:53

I had a weird neighbour who claimed to have a "good relationship" with my children and have them round and do all sorts for them when in fact they hardly knew her and had never been inside her house! It didn't end well - we are no longer on speaking terms

YouCanCallMeNancy · 17/07/2018 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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3GreenBottles · 17/07/2018 12:54

This is very strange behaviour. Does she know your DH? I don't want to make a huge leap here, but her obsessive level of interest in your DC screams Other Woman...

YouDancin · 17/07/2018 12:54

If you are getting warning messages about a person and they are making you feel uncomfortable then DO NOT IGNORE THIS.
(Read The Gift of Fear if you need backup why your subconcious feelings should be trusted more)

Write to the school and the gym today (make sure it is in writing) that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is she to take your children home with her. That she does not and will not have permission to do so.
It is very worrying that she has suddenly become so obsessed with them. Not healthy and not normal. This really is a safeguarding issue and you are not being paranoid.

I am not scaremongering but you have no idea why she is like this but you know it is wrong.
Tell your children they are absolutely NOT ever to go with her (or anyone else) ever.
Tell the school now in case she starts again in September and takes you by surprise. The school will read your notes and should follow this through.

Also tell her yourself that she is not to take or collect your children so you know she knows, and has no excuse to act confused.

RebootYourEngine · 17/07/2018 12:54

She sounds a bit scary. I would warn your dc not to go anywhere with her. I would speak to the school and gym.

Also does she know you dh? I knew a woman who behaved like this when she was having an affair with the dh.

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