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Child’s father wants to charge me rent for temporary moving into his bought home

(84 Posts)
TB2013 Tue 17-Jul-18 01:37:39

So basically, me and my partner have been together for 10 years and have a 4 year old child together. During our relationship we’ve always had our own places. He owns his home and the mortgage is fully paid. I rent privately and he has always lived with me and our child and rarely uses his own home (usually when we’ve fell out haha) he never put anything towards my rent when he’s lived with me but he would throw a tenner here and there on gas and electric and put towards the shopping now and then. Recently I’ve been really struggling with my bills while working part time so I asked him if me and our child could move into his property temporarily so I can leave my home and work as much over time as possible for 8-12 weeks to save up a rent and deposit on a cheaper property and the very first thing he said was. Well you can’t live in there for free you know. Now don’t get me wrong I would make sure there’s always gas and light in there and I’d always fill the fridge and cupboards but the fact he wants actual money off us I’m actually in shock considering all the years he’s lived with me rent free. Bare in mind also that his mortgage is fully paid off and all he has to pay is council tax which still I would be happy to contribute to but I fell like he’s sort of demanded it. I also feel like he’s not even bothered that I’m struggling. I tell him all the time and still he does nothing about it. What can I do guys? I really feel like this is going to be the straw that breaks the camels back I really do feel like I’m in shock I just can’t believe it.

7seas Tue 17-Jul-18 01:41:04

What an absolute wanker! He has been at yours for free over the last 10 years and raising his child and he wants to charge you rent? I would LTB

Bitchywaitress Tue 17-Jul-18 01:43:04

YANBU, he sounds like an absolute dick

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed Tue 17-Jul-18 01:43:28

What can you do

Stay at his give him what £20 a week (of course you shouldn’t have to pay him anything) save for a deposit move into your new flat and move on from him

Unless you want to stay with a selfish man child he isn’t going to change and you need to be practical

Amalfimamma Tue 17-Jul-18 01:44:45


Or start charging him rent seeing as you're struggling. What an absolute CF

mysteryfairy Tue 17-Jul-18 01:45:42

Don’t have him living with you any more, claim child support, hopefully you’ll be able to afford your current property once he is contributing his share for the support of your DC.

Rocinante1 Tue 17-Jul-18 01:48:44

Kick him out of yours, get child maintenance and then stay in your place yourself.

Can't believe you didn't do that years ago.

RoboJesus Tue 17-Jul-18 01:51:36

That sounds similar to a friends father when we were little. It turned out he had a second (and was working on a third) family. I'd be very dubious about him if I were you

Kiwiinkits Tue 17-Jul-18 01:51:42

That is so rude and cheap! 10 years, a child together, and he can't put himself out to support you at all? I would be majorly re-assessing this relationship.

HerRoyalNotness Tue 17-Jul-18 01:58:06

Call him out on his BS. “What about all the free living you’ve been doing at mine”

And then do what they all said ^^

Lynnm63 Tue 17-Jul-18 02:00:42

Dump him, get maintenance for your child, move on. Frankly, I’m surprised you hadn’t come to this conclusion yourself.

thegreatbeyond Tue 17-Jul-18 02:06:59

Huh? How much is he paying towards his child, then?

thebewilderness Tue 17-Jul-18 02:10:22

This man is not your friend.
Better to know now than later.

LuvMyBubbles Tue 17-Jul-18 02:11:13

Wow 😮
That’s disgusting
Do you want to be with him?
Why has he been living with you and not contributing evenly?

TB2013 Tue 17-Jul-18 02:22:35

I even said to him that I’m going to tell people what he said and see what they think so I’ll be showing him all these answers on his way out of my door. I asked him if he would consider getting WiFi for our child’s iPad because I pay the sky bill and he was having absolutely none of it. I know WiFi is a luxury but even educational apps and games require internet access these days. This whole argument about the rent and everything happened a few weeks ago but it was brought back up tonight when I asked him if he would go half on a big shop £60-80, as I’ve not done one for months. You know a big shop, fill the fridge, freezer, cupboards, toiletries, cleaning products etc and he became so negative and grumpy so I lashed out and said it’s the least you can do is go half on a £60-80 shop when your looking to charge me and your child rent to move into you home for a couple or months. I think it’s time to part ways now. I grew up in a house where my mum and dad both went to work and my dad would come in on a Friday night and take a small pinch out of his wage pack and hand the entire rest of it to my mum for the house and bills. He didnt grow up with that experience so maybe that’s where it’s stemmed from 🤷🏻‍♀️

Rocinante1 Tue 17-Jul-18 02:25:41

So what does he pay for? What does he contribute towards your joint child?

Get out now. Call child maintenance when they open today, open a case. Give them his home address where he will be living from this morning as you are kicking him out. Start getting him to financially support his kid.

FeckTheMagicDragon Tue 17-Jul-18 02:35:09

How much does he earn? 15% of that from CMS (unless hes self employed and has paid himself a pittance, getting the rest as dividends). He won't be able to rent his house out as he'll be living there, and he'll have to pay for all his own food, household supplies, electricity, AND have to do all his own cooking (or pay more for takeaways - which will also make him fat), cleaning, ironing, washing and housework (with the assumption that you do the bulk of this. and obviously he will probably only get to see his child every other weekend and maybe once or twice during the week as thats pretty standard for the non resident parent.

Hes mean. Borderline financially abusive.

Nancydrawn Tue 17-Jul-18 02:43:07

I'm entirely baffled by this. Do you mean you've had the sole financial burden for your child for the last four years and he hasn't been contributing towards the child's upkeep?

That's completely outrageous.

He is not your partner: partners have a partnership where they share duties, obligations, and expenses between them. They also respect each other by participating fully in that partnership and pulling their respective weights, however they can.

I could not be with a man who had such little esteem or respect for me, or perhaps more importantly for our child, that he would treat us in such a fashion.

Clinicallysilly Tue 17-Jul-18 02:43:14

Kick him out, go to a solicitor and get legal advice for maintenance, contact and reclaiming 10 years of rent. Hit him with a back dated rental bill to be paid asap. The reason he is mortgage free is because you've been subsidising him all these years. You've not had a relationship with him for ten years, you've been taken for a ride and financially exploited.

flumpybear Tue 17-Jul-18 02:49:35

He's a selfish arse! No wonder you don't live with him!

HoppingPavlova Tue 17-Jul-18 03:21:18

I'm struggling to understand this to be honest.

It sounds as though he has not been paying anything towards child support for 4 years? That can't be right? Paying the odd tenner here and there when he is living with you is probably not even covering his own costs. How does he cover his share of the 4 year old's costs which would include the roof over their head, electricity needed for them, food they eat, clothes, entertainment etc?

I'm just confused.

DrinkReprehensibly Tue 17-Jul-18 03:31:03

So for all these years he's just had a rent free empty property on stand by in case you have an argument and he needs somewhere to retreat to? If you've been a couple this long and have a child, why are you pouring money into a private rental as a primary residence and he's living off you?

There has to be more to that. Does he usually let it out and get an income from it hence him not being able to let you have it for free? Although you say he keeps it for times you fall out...

FlourishingMrs Tue 17-Jul-18 03:35:14

The term partner is so over used these days,you don’t have a partner you have a child with a selfish man. Why have under valued yourself? It’s one thing being an independent woman and another thing to be a used woman. please leave this silly man child. love yourself and your child enough to find yourselves a good man or stay single

KC225 Tue 17-Jul-18 04:50:26

He doesn't care for you or for his child - otherwise he would want the best for you both. Any feeling person would struggle, to come back from this. You have been given some excellent advice - please take it on board.

And by the way WiFi is not a luxury, paying for his Skye subscription is. Cut that cocklodger of at the mains.

Eatmycheese Tue 17-Jul-18 05:02:03

What a horrible piece of shit

He doesn’t deserve you or your son. I would show him a clean pair of heels.

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