To not want sil to move in

[Elderflower78]

Sil works away from home. She has applied for jobs back home. She is hinting at staying with us for 6 months as we have a spare bedroom. Only us and her grandparents have a spare bedroom out of the family.
Dh and I are ttc and I really don't need the stress of trying to shag while his sister is in the house. It makes me uncomfortable.....and even when we aren't ttc I like my own space. I work hard, I have dc and I like time to myself or with dh. I'm an introvert and really value my own space.

The spare room is for the potential baby that's why we bought a house with a spare room but ever since moving in his family have hinted at staying all the time. It stresses me out.
She hasn't actually asked yet but dropping hints and it's coming.
Aibu to say a firm no?

[Confusedbeetle]

I think so. You don't need to make any excuses or reasons, just sorry would rather not. Totally ignore any hints, say nothing unless you are asked directly. as for the rest of the family ignore the hints

[Rocinante1]

Saying no is not unreasonable. She can stay with her granparents.
If she pushes you, and your comfortable explaining then just tell her what you've said here. That the spare room will hopefully soon be a nursery and you don't want to have anything holding you up when the time comes.

[Rocinante1]

*grandparents.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

Why can't she just buy her own home? Or am I missing something.

[Elderflower78]

She says she won't have the money to rent somewhere herself. She wants to move in and build up a bit of money and find somewhere to rent first whilst working at our end of town.

[pigsDOfly]

Why can't she rent somewhere like thousands of other people?

Is she expecting to stay in your house without paying rent?

[pigsDOfly]

X post.

[Elderflower78]

I am guessing it would cost at least 450 a month in rent and she is a single person. She would need to find a housemate first and get money for a deposit which is why she wants to move in. She probably would contribute something to stay and chip in with bills but it's just not my cup of tea. I don't want a lodger.

[Terriblydifficult]

Grandparents it is. Bit cheeky of her to expect to stay in order to build up cash. Would she have even paid rent?

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

She could rent a room she doesn't have to rent a whole house. and no, YANBU - adults need to be responsible for themselves.

[GabriellaMontez]

Lots of adults have to house share when they first move to a new area. Even if it's only briefly.

YANBU.

Is she planning to stay rent free?

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

YANBU, 6 months is insane! A week or two would be a normal, reasonable think to ask.

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

*thing

[Elderflower78]

I never thought about a house share to be honest. She used to do this at uni.
I just can't face getting up in the morning and sil there. Going to bed sil there. Coming in from work sil there. Sharing the tv. Making meals everyone likes. Bringing friends back. I don't know how people do it. I feel guilty but I know it's better to feel guilty than put up with it.

[woollyheart]

Spare room doesn’t have to be a bedroom. You could make it into a workroom or study or something and use it until you need it for baby. Then you don’t have a spare bedroom

[Terriblydifficult]

I had my sister live with me for six months and my niece a year. It was fine, but you know beforehand how you’re going to feel. Don’t do it.

[TrumpsACunt]

I've got a good friend that is in marriage counselling and seriously considering leaving her husband.. The reason?.. SIL moved in with them.

A couple of months have turned into nearly a year. She's lazy and manipulative. The family politics have reached dizzying heights.

Don't do it.

[DarlingNikita]

She wants to move in and build up a bit of money and find somewhere to rent first

Well, everyone wants that but that's often not how real life works.

Ignore the hints. If and when she asks you outright say, with a breezy smile, 'No, that wouldn't work for us.' Don't get dragged into conversations/questions about why, or 'but you've got the room' or anything else. Repeat 'that wouldn't work for us' until she gets bored.

[ravenmum]

I thought "YANBU" just reading the title, but when I read "ttc", well, duh :)

[DarlingNikita]

Oh, and by the way DP and I have a lodger, so I'm not saying that from the point of view of someone with all the privacy in the world. But if you don't want to and know it wouldn't suit you, you've no obligation at all to do it.

[Timeisslippingaway]

Tell her no. Not a chance I would let someone else live with me for that length of time unless there was a very good reason and wanting to save up some money if not one of them.

[Elderflower78]

She is a lovely person and she would be a great housemate just not when I'm already a family of three, trying to make it four. I live in my own little bubble and don't want anyone else in it. I'm happy as I am and I know I would end up unhappy about sharing my space.
I like to hog the bath, fart on the sofa, walk about in the skud, have romantic movie nights with dh and I even like to venture off to a room by myself with a cuppa without feeling like an antisocial weirdo.

[TeeBee]

Omg no! Six months is waaay too long. I would laugh and 'no way pal. I don't want you to listen to us getting jiggy with it or me walking around in the buff. I like our friendship and I don't want it spoiled darling'. Then hold firm, don't be railroaded. I wouldn't have my own family stay for more than a week. Not a hope for anyone for 6 months. It's making me feel a little faint.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

If you are an introvert, as I am, no matter how nice she is, you will still feel like there is a caterpillar in your salad. You could just be honest, if she does ask, tell her you're a little bit special, and it doesn't work for you.😄
Seriously though, she'll be okay, she could rent a room, lodge with a friend, she's an adult, don't worry about it.

[lynzpynz]

Don’t make excuses just say i’m sorry, nothing against you but we value our peace and privacy and don’t really want a lodger for any length of time. Just because you have a spare room does not mean it’s a free-for-all for friends and family despite their expectations!

We used to have loads of distant friends and family suddenly keen to stay with us in August (but not actually spend time with us and never bothered with us the rest of the year)... funny that living in Edinburgh at the time... when the festival was on... think they thought we were born yesterday