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AIBU?

Naked DH/neighbour complaint

230 replies

How2Support · 16/07/2018 13:50

So - DH spent overnight yesterday alone. (Me and DC away for night). It is very warm where we are and he has no inhibitions about being naked. He spent most of the day either naked or in shorts, had a couple of showers to cool himself off. Slept with windows and curtains open.

A neighbour from across the road has just approached me to say that DH was 'deliberately' walking around naked. I said I wan't surprised he was naked and was she sure it was 'deliberate' (I thought she meant making eye contact with her/touching himself for e.g. but didn't ask for details - I was thrown by the approach). She thought it was deliberate/exhibitionist (can't remember wording). I said I would speak to him.

I asked DH if anything happened. He was confused, insisted he didn't do anything inappropriate and he was just hot and was enjoying the freedom to wander around "free and easy" . He is really upset and embarrassed. I think he was daft to wander around naked at front with curtains open (we have full height floor to ceiling windows) but don't believe he did anything sinister.

AIBU to think he should apologise to neighbour?

Or should he just quietly suffer in his own embarrassment (and draw the fucking curtains next time).

For wider context I have quite bad anxiety (on medication and awaiting CBT for it) so have difficulty gauging when something is a big deal or it is my thoughts spinning out of control (I was upset when I spoke to him and am finding it really difficult that the neighbours are thinking DH is a creep the minute me and DC are away). DH has been struggling with depression over the last couple of years and is very introverted.

OP posts:
Knitjob · 16/07/2018 13:52

I would do nothing, don't make him apologise. But make sure he doesn't wander around naked in front of full length windows with the curtains open in future.

TrudeauGirl · 16/07/2018 13:53

Maybe just draw curtains next time, if he's in his own house He can be nude if he wants. If there's people that may see and it's an issue just draw curtains for privacy.

Don't think an apology is needed. He wasn't in the street.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 16/07/2018 13:55

I'd stay away from the neighbour, an apology is just going to come off as creepy if she thinks he did it on purpose.

It's not a particularly big deal but he should not do it again. (And honestly, if he doesn't know that wandering around naked in front of street-facing floor-to-ceiling uncurtained windows isn't a good idea and won't be looked kindly on by the neighbours, it suggests he lacks the sense he was born with.)

ShapelyBingoWing · 16/07/2018 13:56

I don't necessarily think he needs to apologise but considering he had all the curtains open and you have full length windows, I think it would probably be decent of him to. Especially if he was doing this at such a time that children may have been able to see.

Wolfiefan · 16/07/2018 13:56

Not introverted enough to put a pair of shorts on though. Confused
Draw curtains.
If he doesn't feel he can wander round starkers when you're all home then why should he do it in front of the neighbours?

AlmostAJillSandwich · 16/07/2018 13:56

How come they are able to see in to your house, do you not have some form of nets/voile/blinds, just bare open windows when the curtains are open so everyone can see in?
If there isn't any window coverings besides curtains i can see your neighbours point, floor to ceiling windows and walking around naked in front of them would seem very inappropriate, even if it is in your own home. Yes there's the argument of people shouldn't be looking, but people do absent mindedly look in a direction/at windows etc and there was a significant risk he'd be seen.
That being said, i don't think an apology would help, it will embarrass him further which isn't necessary, and give her the sense of "i was right".
She's aired her grievance, you've had a word, he is regretful, and i'm sure it won't be repeated. Look in to some kind of window covering also.

DramaLamasunited18 · 16/07/2018 13:57

It’s his house if he wants to be naked that’s his choice.
As long as he wasn’t out the front naked putting bins out etc your neighbour is a prude!

TrudeauGirl · 16/07/2018 13:58

it will embarrass him further which isn't necessary, and give her the sense of "i was right"

That's a good point actually.

Littleredboat · 16/07/2018 13:58

WTF??
If you can be seen from the street then I’d have thought not walking round starkers in broad daylight was fairly common sense.

Would you mind if your kids walked past next door and saw your male neighbour naked?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 16/07/2018 13:58

Not sure I'd want to see him starkey bollocky from across the street to be honest! Why doesn't he close the curtains!

LIZS · 16/07/2018 13:59

You have full length windows and he thought it fine to lounge around in the buff, with total disregard for any neighbours Hmm Tell him to at least wear shorts!

Silverstreaks · 16/07/2018 14:00

If the man wants to wander around and sleep in the nuddy that is his choice. Your neighbour has the choice of seeing it once and choosing not to look again.

BlankTimes · 16/07/2018 14:01

we have full height floor to ceiling windows

That's the reason neighbour has complained because anyone even glancing across at any time your curtains are open (and especially if there are any lights on or light from an adjoining room) gets a full view of whatever you are doing.

Just be aware that you don't have any privacy in those rooms.

How2Support · 16/07/2018 14:03

Thank you all for the perspective. That is really helpful.

QueenAravisOfArchenland he is pretty oblivious in general. Common sense is not his strong point. The bedroom curtains bit is the reason I am finding it hard to shrug off. I mean why would you not just draw the curtains?! The neighbour who approached me isn't an obvious one - she is not dead opposite (which also means the others in the terrace probably also saw him Blush)

OP posts:
ifeelsoextraordinary · 16/07/2018 14:04

Does sound quite exhibitionist to me.

Janus · 16/07/2018 14:04

Dramalama, I don’t agree with you here, of course people can be naked in their own house but not in full view of anyone walking by. If my 10 year old girl and I were walking by I’d be pretty upset that she could see him, a total stranger, totally naked, wouldn’t you?
Honestly, do whatever you want behind closed curtains but not in full view of the street. I wouldn’t apologise again as neighbour is probably pretty embarrassed too.

BackToTheFuschia7 · 16/07/2018 14:04

If he was wandering around naked with the curtains open and (presumably) the lights on it would seem a deliberate act and creepy. Maybe it wasn’t, but can totally see where your neighbour is coming from.

Wolfiefan · 16/07/2018 14:04

Poo crumbs on the sofa. Torch the house and move. Far far away. Blush

duckfuckduck · 16/07/2018 14:05

He needs to draw the curtains.

lottiegarbanzo · 16/07/2018 14:06

He should either have put shorts on or closed the curtains. You don't just stride around naked, in front of full length windows, when your house is overlooked!. Doing so shows enough disregard for the neighbours' sensibilities to count as 'deliberate' exposure, to me.

If you're a 'do what I like in my own home' person, you make sure you're not overlooked IMO.

NotTakenUsername · 16/07/2018 14:09

Why exactly was she looking?
Or
Why was he at the front windows so often that she seen him?

Either it was deliberate or she was the one in the wrong for peeping.

I sometimes slip from bathroom to bedroom starkers, and if someone really wanted to they could cop an eyeful. I trust no one is watching through my windows and if they did catch a glimpse they’d be decent enough to look away and not stare.

She could actually be in trouble over this. Throw it back on her and see how she likes it.

Kingsclerelass · 16/07/2018 14:10

I don’t understand why he didn’t close the curtains or blinds. I understand wanting to be cool and naked if that’s his thing but if a neighbour could see him in detail from across the street, she’s either got eyes like a hawk or your windows must be very close to the road.
No need to apologise, just pull the curtains!

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starfishmummy · 16/07/2018 14:12

We had a relative who was a naturist. Not my cup of tea but in his own home then why not.

If he was indoors and she lives diagonally opposite I'd be asking why she was staring into my house!!

Benandhollysmum · 16/07/2018 14:13

Why was she looking in your house anyway? If she wasn’t gawking she wouldn’t seeanything, the cheek of some people
Different matter if he was standing at his window touching himself but walking about his house naked, she’s at fault for perving

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 16/07/2018 14:13

I sometimes slip from bathroom to bedroom starkers, and if someone really wanted to they could cop an eyeful.

Well sure, everyone does that, but it sounds like OPs DH spent quite a bit of time wandering/ standing clearly visible behind these windows in full view of a whole row of houses. Which takes it over the line from "someone might have caught a glimpse of me if they really tried" into "you WILL all see my cock whether you want to or not".

I probably wouldnt have said anything to the OP, but I would definitely have been thinking "fucksake, put some pants on, weirdo!"

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