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AIBU?

To tell DP to say no to MIL

252 replies

Tulpenblue · 15/07/2018 23:50

My DPs father died some years ago and his sister live with his mother about 20miles away from us. Recently his mother's nephew got in touch, he's her brothers son from a relationship no one knew anything about and her brother died a few years ago. The family have obviously never met him before, he is around 19. He wants to meet the family so my MIL has invited him to her home. This evening she spoke to my DP and asked if he would say with them the night that her nephew is visiting as she and DPs sister don't feel comfortable being alone with a strange man the house. DP said he would speak to me. My issue is that if he stays with them he is leaving me and our 11 month old baby o; our own! We live in a quiet rural area, I don't like being alone here. DP says it's just to reassure his mother and sister but now I have to arrange to stay somewhere else or ask someone else to come stay with me for the night! AIBU to tell DP to say no to is mother and that she should put the nephew up in the local hotel. TBH If the nephew turns out to be a weirdo I don't really like the idea of DP having to deal with the situation either!

OP posts:
ladymariner · 15/07/2018 23:57

Sorry but yabu and also a bit pathetic. Its good that your dp cares enough about his mum to want to go, and enough about you to ask you first.

AjasLipstick · 15/07/2018 23:58

Of course you are being unreasonable! You may be alone but there's no strange man in your house. Millions of women spend every single night alone with babies and children.

It's silly of MIL to have got in this position but perhaps she felt awkward....perhaps the lad can't get home easily.

mimibunz · 15/07/2018 23:59

YABU.

trojanpony · 16/07/2018 00:00

Kindly, Yabu. It’s one night and a valid reason.
what do you think will happen to young you are home alone? loads of people live on their own so are alone every night Confused

FASH84 · 16/07/2018 00:00

Your baby is eleven months not days. YABU it's a nice invitation to the previously unknown relative and a reasonable request for your DH to be there at it is essentially a strange man in the house with two women. It will also be nice for DH to meet his cousin

Osirus · 16/07/2018 00:02

You can’t go through life never being able to spend a night without him. What if he needed to stay in hospital or something? You’ll be fine, and YABU.

Domino20 · 16/07/2018 00:02

You really should be able to spend just one night alone in your own home! YABU.

SequinsOnEverything · 16/07/2018 00:04

You are definitely being unreasonable! You can spend a night home alone with your baby!

Leopoldstotch · 16/07/2018 00:04

Surely you're capable
Of spending one night alone?! Your baby is almost one, hardly a difficult newborn

Shumpalumpa · 16/07/2018 00:04

YABU. Their need is greater in this instance. Please be nice.

MyCatsRuleTheHouse · 16/07/2018 00:05

Yes I’m afraid you are being U. You’re a grown woman, you should be able to spend one night alone in your own home.

GandTthankyou · 16/07/2018 00:05

Get a mate over for a girly night. Yabu

User467 · 16/07/2018 00:06

Em........YABVU. I'm not sure being left alone with your 11month old for one night with your husband just 20 miles away really warrants an "!".

Seriously.....he should go

Puttheknifedown · 16/07/2018 00:07

Or you could go and stay there too? Family trip?

DaisysStew · 16/07/2018 00:08

It’s one night, not like he’s permanently moving in. I could understand it if you had a newborn but surely you can handle one night alone with your nearly one year old.

spudlet7 · 16/07/2018 00:08

Of course you're BU. I do know what it's like to get scared home alone at night but you can't let it dictate your DP helping out his Mum. Sorry.

KC225 · 16/07/2018 00:10

I imagine, the new nephew would want to meet your DH as well as he is also family. Can't you find a little comapssion for a 19 year old having lost his father as a teenager and kept secret from that side of his family. Assuming he could be a weirdo is very unkind. As your DH is keen to go, I think YABU. It's just for one night, it may be a good learning opportunity for you to spend the night alone. If you don't think you can do it - invite over a friend and make a fun night of it.

Bambamber · 16/07/2018 00:10

YABU it's one night

JeNeBaguetteRien · 16/07/2018 00:13

Sorry but YABU.

"now I have to arrange to stay somewhere else or ask someone else to come stay with me for the night!"

You don't have to do either of the above, you just have to stay a night in your own house, with your own child.
If that is something you're genuinely anxious about then you need to seek some help or ways to reduce anxiety around this. Do you or DH ever travel for work?
It would be good to address this now so that if it ever happens at short notice, e.g. if he is admitted to hospital, you won't be dealing with stress and anxiety.

What if one of you fancied a night or weekend away with friends?

For the night in question what would make you feel better about it? Because it would be pretty unreasonable to expect your husband not to go.

Returnofthesmileybar · 16/07/2018 00:13

Do you never stay alone in your own house for a night?? That is very strange!!

C2205 · 16/07/2018 00:13

And if you get him to tell her no and something happened? How would you feel then? - How would your DP feel???

Can you not ask a sister or friend to stay with you if you're that worried?
I think you ABU

adviceonthepox · 16/07/2018 00:14

Omg really? Woman up you will be fine it's only one night!

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Tulpenblue · 16/07/2018 00:17

I should probably explain that I'm not asking him to go at all, just not stay the night at her house. My take on things is that she should just book a hotel and then no one is being put out. His family are demanding on our time. We have just gotten back from staying with his family in their holiday home where for a week he went to the pub with his mother and siblings while I put the baby to bed and stayed in the house. No offer of babysitting so I could go out. The week before he stayed over at his mums house to mind the dog while she went away with friends for the weekend, she forgot to book kennels. This is all within the last month....

OP posts:
MarmaladeIsMyJam · 16/07/2018 00:20

You’re being a massive fanny.

Are you scared to stay in your own home by yourself?

zwellers · 16/07/2018 00:21

So why did you make out you couldn't stay in yor own home with your child.

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