Contraception hates me - I'm destined to be single, right?

[ReallyWTF]

I've tried:

Condoms = buzzkill and not sustainable longterm.
Two different types of combined pill = weight gain, anxiety, depression, acne.
Two different types of mini pill = weight gain and hair loss.
Copper IUD = very painful cramps, anemia through 2-week-long blood loss, unbearable anxiety and depression.
"Natural timing" = resulted in two MAP experiences.

AIBU to think I'm totally fucked in terms of maintaining a relationship? Men are used to women taking on the bulk of contraceptive burden, and most women can do so without any issues. So I'm a dud in the woman-stakes.

I'm at the end of my tether after my current experience with the copper IUD (my worst experience yet - literal mental breakdown, anxiety and irritability beyond anything I have experienced before). I'm phoning tomorrow to get the thing removed.

I love sex and have an above average sex drive, but nature is against me. AIBU to think I need to give up the thought of a sexlife outside the procreational realm? I have 4 kids and no desire for more but can't stomach the finality of sterilization. Partner is scared of going under the knife (and tbh why should he have to when, as I said above, most women wouldn't need him to?)

Feeling really, really, sad and fed up :(

[Jfw82]

Is it worth trying either injection or implant? I used both ore DC

[AlpacaLypse]

Umm, if you want to have a baby it's fairly normal to check that the father would quite like a baby too?

[AlpacaLypse]

Sorry had lost will to live about halfway down your rather ranty OP.

[ReallyWTF]

Umm, if you want to have a baby it's fairly normal to check that the father would quite like a baby too?

NO WAY do I want a baby. I've got one thanks!

[Oldaintallthat]

He can have the snip, or you can?
Certainly seems like you want the finality to me

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

If you are very sure you don't want more children, then either you or your DP should consider sterilisation.

[claraschu]

Cervical cap- works brilliantly if you use it right

[bathildab]

You'd rather give up your sex life than use condoms? I'm missing something here...

[NC4Now]

Mirena coil? Much lower hormones than the pill/ mini pill and without the bleeding/cramping of the copper coil.

[Popc0rn]

I thought the copper IUD doesn't have any hormones? So how's it causing you to get irritable and anxious? Maybe you're blaming contraception when it's unrelated?

What about the patch?
Or pull out method if all else fails?
What's a "MAP experience"

[c3pu]

Copper coil doesn't have any hormones in, shouldn't give you those sorts of side effects?

[ReallyWTF]

So you are not allergic to condoms you just don't like them?

YABVU and a bit thick tbh.

What man will use condoms every day for life?

[ReallyWTF]

I thought the copper IUD doesn't have any hormones? So how's it causing you to get irritable and anxious?

Yep that's what I thought, hence why I chose it. But google it. Many women are struggling.

MAP = morning after pill

[PookieDo]

I got sterilised for very similar reasons and it really wasn’t that bad. I had tried everything else and none of them were for me. Very very pleased I did it now no regrets. 5 days off work, stitches were a little yucky at first but a tiny scar

I just felt like it was my body and I wanted to take control of whether it got a baby in it - which I do not want as I have 2 children

[MyCatsRuleTheHouse]

Sounds like your best option is to get your tubes tied if you don’t want more children

[steff13]

"Natural timing" = resulted in two MAP experiences.

Natural family planning relies on you avoiding sex around the time you ovulate. This feels like a user error, not a contraceptive failure.

If you don't want more kids, sterilization seems the way to go. Have you tried a diaphragm?

[Crabbitstick]

So your DH would rather you suffer all the hormonal side effects of contraception than 30 seconds inconvenience getting a condom on. Awesome.

[ButchyRestingFace]

Condoms and/or sterilisation.

Simples.

[PookieDo]

Oh and my experience was:
Not allowed the combined pill due to risks or the depo
Mini pill continuous bleeding for 6 months
Copper coil - 9 months of continuous bleeding
mirena - was great for 18 months until it moved, cut into a fibroid on the way out, expelled itself and half my womb with it

I was like... I’m outta options now

[arethereanyleftatall]

So, you have a partner and four children, and have struggled with every type of contraception you've tried?
I think your partner needs to step here, assuming you're committed to each other.
You keep saying it's up to the female, but it's really not, it's a joint decision when you're in a relationship

[ButchyRestingFace]

Natural family planning relies on you avoiding sex around the time you ovulate. This feels like a user error, not a contraceptive failure.

Yes, I didn't understand that part of her post myself. If she's using the rhythm method, you presumably wouldn't be having sex in your fertile "window" and therefore wouldn't need the MAP?

[NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking]

To be fair, I get the condoms thing, I hate them and my partner does too. They are a proper passion killer.

However OP, you’ve far from exhausted your options... implant, injection, Mirena coil, sterilisation... there’s lots.

[rebbykay]

Two options that have worked for me: the implant (had it for 10 years, no complaints - didn't even have periods) or download a period tracker app. I downloaded Flo and we got pregnant first go when we started TTC. When we weren't TTC we avoided pregnancy every month thanks to the app.

[calzone]

Condoms are fabulous.

What’s wrong with them?