AIBU to be tell DH that his MIL is selfish?

[itseasybeingcheesy]

So I’ve just had an argument with DH as we are in the middle of a miscarriage and MIL is causing a whole load of fuss over how she feels.

When DH told her what was happening she literally made him spell it out dispute it being obviously horrible for both of us and then even though I’d said I wasn’t ready to talk and wanted to go home ASAP she said she needed to talk and she needed hugs from us to calm her down.

She now phones DH and tells him she needs to see him after he finishes work on Monday as she needs to spend time with him and needs to make sure he is ok.

I pointed out that I’ll have been at home looking after our other kids all day by that point and will probably still be in a bad state myself and that I’d appreciate him coming straight home from work. He thinks I’m being unreasonable and I think he is a pushover for his DM and she is a selfish bag.

Am I being unreasonable? I recognise my emotional state isn’t great and my judgement is shot.

[Littleshape]

You are not unreasonable at all!!! Completely selfish behaviour from MIL, actually ridiculous. You are the one who needs support

[Disfordarkchocolate]

Honestly I would have completely lost it, how can your MIL need more support than you! Take care.

[Bambamber]

YANBU, I'm sorry you're going through that

[agnurse]

MIL's behaviour is ridiculous. I'm so sorry about the loss of your babe.

[Lipsticktraces]

Your DH is being unreasonable and your MIL is an attention seeking nightmare.

I’m very sorry for your loss op

[HumpHumpWhale]

You are DEFINITELY not being unreasonable, she's being ridiculous and narcissistic, and he's totally enabling that.
I'm really sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is so hard. I had two. It's really really not about anyone else right now.

[CloudCaptain]

Yanbu!

[Angrybird345]

Your dh needs a kick up the arse.

[Strongmummy]

No, you’re not being unreasonable. You’re MIL is being incredibly unthinking and selfish. Is she usually like this? I’d make very clear to your husband that his priority is you and that you’d appreciate his company at this time. He can see his mother later in the week. You also need to take time out for you yourself and as a couple so maybe when she’s pulled herself together your MIL cab make herself useful and babysit !

[GrandPianos]

So sorry to hear this, cheesy. You’re not in the slightest unreasonable. Your miscarriage is not about her. Later on, there will be other ways for her to support your DH, if he needs it, but demanding he takes time away from you at this difficult stage is selfish drama queenery of the highest order. Very best wishes.

[Readyfortheschoolhols]

Sorry you are going through an awful time.
Moving forward you now know to keep your business private.
You dh is a tool btw.

[Returnofthesmileybar]

Wow! Seems he didn't lick his twattish behaviour off a stone, yanbu!

Sorry for your loss op

[Ethylred]

Unusual post. The MIL in your title is your mother.
Oh, aybu? I don't know but I'll bet any money that your DH
has a totally different story.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

I'm sorry you're going through such an awful time OP. I hope your DH will put you first right now.

Is MIL always so needy? I understand as a grandparent myself that it's hard for her but surely she should understand that you're his priority now?

[TorviBrightspear]

Your DH is the unreasonable one here. It's not your MIL who's lost a baby. Agree he needs a huge kick up the arse.......

[TorviBrightspear]

@Ethylred I went back to re-read the OP and nowhere does it mention OP's DM. It's his DM.

[agedknees]

In the title it says his mil.

Yanbu. She’s a selfish cow, end of.

Take care of yourself xxx

[Booboobooboo84]

I would be saying he’s welcome to go see his poor struggling mum on Monday- but that if he does he won’t be fucking welcome to come back the house and he can bloody well stay there.

[Booboobooboo84]

@ethylred I get what your picking up on in the title. You appear to have missed the bit where the OP explained she is going through the trauma of a miscarriage- no need for bullshit grammar trolls. Everyone understands what she means.

[itseasybeingcheesy]

My apologies for the title mess up it is my mother in law (his mother) who is the one in discussion.

She is very needy usually and can be insensitive historically but she kind of stepped up after we had the other kids. Didn’t expect her to go on like this. Also didn’t expect DH to defend her either.

Also ethylred no he doesn’t have a different side as you are strangely suggesting. He is fully aware that what his DM is asking is needy and dependent he is just very compliant with her and goes out of his way. He acknowledges this. He just doesn’t think I’m being fair calling her selfish.

Thanks all who’ve helped me realise I’m not being completely irrational and shitty.

[BlackWatchBelle]

I think we all know what the OP means, she made a mistake in the title, big whoop.

I am so sorry you are going through this, you are the priority and not your MIL. Dhe needs to wind her neck in and seriously not make this about her! Stunningly selfish.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

It's pretty obvious that the OP meant her MIL, so need to pick holes in her title.

Look after yourself OP, have a bath and take some time to calm down. If you feel the time is right talk to your husband and explain again that you need him with you right now.
Don't call MIL, don't even talk about her as this will probably cause DH to have a go at you.

Hopefully things will feel less stressful in the morning ( where MIL is concerned )

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

sorry for your loss. I’d be tempted to message her and say you and the children need him at home this week so please don’t add to the burden.

[MadMags]

Your dh is a prick if this behaviour is anything to go by. And he clearly didn't lick it off the ground.