Are these rules for my lodger too harsh?

[southatsea]

I have a lodger but he has complained that my rules are too strict. So looking to canvas opinion on them!

No loud music or loud TV after 10pm
No smoking
Has to ask my permission before having friends to stay
Use of the bathroom, kitchen and living room but can't use the bathroom between 0645 and 0700 (when I need it to get ready for work)
Plates cutlery etc to be brought downstairs on the day they are used eg no hoarding in bedrooms.

Do these sound too harsh? His room is well furnished with a sofa, double bed, tv etc and I charge below market rent.

[QueenofmyPrinces]

It sounds like a list for a 14 year old teenager....

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

That sounds totally reasonable and is no different to most house-shares.

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

Bit Nineteenth Century boarding house tbh.

[themueslicamel]

Which of those rules specifically is objectionable?

[pullingknots]

They don't sound harsh exactly, but they very much show your lodger who is in charge. I doubt they will feel like they are in their own home.

[Joinourclub]

They don’t sound too harsh to me. Though I think many adults resent being told what to do, no matter how reasonable.

[FriendsDontLie]

Those things all seem like basic common courtesy/house sharing to me!

[icelollycraving]

Is the lodger your son?

[Rednaxela]

Why are you charging below market rent? You will get time wasters and cf that way.

Are the rules on the tenancy agreement? Did you tell him the rules when he came to view?

It's not a question of whether your rules are too strict, it's your home so you can set whatever rules you like! But you must make sure you provide the rules in writing and there is a written agreement in place.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Sounds completely normal.

Lodgers are meant to fit in with house rules, surely? Aside from permission to have friends and the bathroom rule, these are basic things you'd hope anyone living in your house would do. I would think the other two are reasonable to expect from someone who knows about them before they move in (did they?).

Being a lodger isn't like renting a house or a room in a shared rental house.

[Arianagrandestattoo]

its your home

Yeah, but it’s someone else’s as well.

[TeachesOfPeaches]

Sounds like it's 'lights out' at 10pm and telling him he can't go for a wee at 6.45 if he needs it

[ZenNudist]

Most of it is just expected reasonable behaviour. It should be let me know if hes having guests, not ask permission. And bathroom use shoukd be shared equally so if it inconveniences him to forgo the slot in the bathroom you mention then it should be his on set days of the week. Fairs fair.

[TaraCave]

glad I don't live with you!!
Could you not have a chat with the lodger and loosen up on the rules a little?
Sounds a bit like boarding school

[MaisyPops]

Asking permission for friends seems a bit much, as is stiplating 'your' bathroom time. Equally, yes plates and dishes shouldn't be left to fester for days on end, but is the world going to be over if someone happens to forget a cup for a day?

I know most places people fall into a routine that works and what's on your list is largely common sense (if you changed asl permission for friends to let me know someone will be staying), but reading it like that feels like you're speaking to a teenager, not another adult.

[EveningHare]

I think it's the permission for friends to stay, I totally get why you want to know who is in your house- but I can also see the lodger thinking that he is being treated like a child

Surely if you are happy for him to love in your house you should be able to trust his judgement in overnight guests

[EveningHare]

*Live in you house not love

[southatsea]

He knew all of the rules apart from the plates and cutlery - I hadn't realise grown men would hoard all of these in their bedrooms and his room stunk of food - so asked him to bring them down every night.

Also the bathroom timing was added as we were both trying to get in to shower at the same time. Given that it's 15 minutes out of the whole day I was pretty sure he could hang on if he needed a wee!

[Kintan]

Is he a friend - is that why you are charging below market rent? I don’t think any of your rules are particularly harsh. How did you deliver these rules to him? Is he perhaps feeling a bit patronised so is complaining?

[AtSea1979]

Those rules are common curtesy but having ‘rules’ for adults is a bit ridiculous and I can see why your lodger objected.

[SilverHairedCat]

Life is too short. Chuck him out and find a lodger you can get on with.

There's no way he can.be enjoying living with you either.

He's paying to live there, but you get to use the bathroom over him? Strange. I was never treated like that as a lodger. First come first served. One of us just got up earlier, no bans were served!!

[Singlenotsingle]

So he wants to smoke, play loud music late at night, have his mates round and leave dirty cups and plates in his room? Like someone else said, how old is he? 14?

[ShinyShooney]

I think they sound very fair.

It's a lodger in your house not a joint tenancy or shared house. They are very different. I think you are generous to allow friends and to give use of the living room when he has a son and TV.

Does he have to do any share of cleaning in the communal areas?

[TheCountessofFitzdotterel]

The plates and cups one is patronising. Assume they will behave like an adult on that one and have a word if they don't.
The rest is fine.
The visitors rule is one you should start off with and relax it once you know they and their friends are trustworthy, but you do need a say over who comes into your house.

[littlecabbage]

They sound perfectly fair to me.