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AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

(626 Posts)
thefinn Sun 08-Jul-18 00:33:01

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

thefinn Sun 08-Jul-18 00:55:18

You all made me feel soo much better about this all. I have been crying all night after what was said. Mainly it was my own mum who has been complaining about not having grandchildren for years and years... until today when she told me "you are too old anyway". It really felt bad, maybe even more because of multiple miscarriages. I'm sorry for any stupid mistakes I have made as English is my second language.

VimFuego101 Sun 08-Jul-18 00:56:37

I thought you were going to say you were 50! I am 37; it's only over the last 2 years that my school cohort have really started having babies.

KC225 Sun 08-Jul-18 01:00:47

Squeezed out my first - twins a week before my 43rd birthday and I wasn't even the oldest on the ward. Another woman had a second baby at 44. Her eldest son by her previous relationship was at university.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes Sun 08-Jul-18 01:01:36

I barely know anyone who started having children before 34!

I had my first baby at 35 ish and I've got loads of them now grin.

PurpleFlower1983 Sun 08-Jul-18 01:01:43

I’m 34 and pregnant with DC1.

French2019 Sun 08-Jul-18 01:04:15

Your mum was incredibly young when she had you, so I guess this is colouring her perceptions of what's normal, but she is way off the mark on this one.

Many people would consider 18 far too young to have a baby. Presumably, though it worked for her. 34 might sound too old to your mum, but if it works for you, that's what matters.

triplets Sun 08-Jul-18 01:12:45

I had triplets when I was 45, my first child sadly died three years previously. We had ivf and needed up with three! They are now turned twenty and just a miracle. Go for it! x

Shmithecat Sun 08-Jul-18 01:16:39

I had my one and only dc at 40. Dh was 46. Your friends and family are batshit.

Ohyesiam Sun 08-Jul-18 01:19:01

Had my first at 38, my second at 41.
You really don’t need to listen to the sh*te that falls out of people’s mouths, just do what’s right for you.

BlueManakin Sun 08-Jul-18 01:19:03

My mum gave birth to me at 36 and my bother at 41, so at only 34 you haven't automatically left if too late. So much of it depends on your own situation and perspective.

Do what feels right for you!

IamtheDevilsAvocado Sun 08-Jul-18 01:23:42

Op... Honestly these people re judgemental cocks....

Just a complete empathy failure...

'I had my first at 16,therefore anyone older than this is just' too old'.....

These sort of people and their judgemental attitudes wreck others' lives....

I knew someone in a similar position... She convinced herself - as a result of other people's comments having a baby over 30 was a sure fire way to having a baby with 3 heads... ...(all her family and friends had finished having kids by they always helpfully reminded her...)...

She didn't have kids... She would have loved to be a mum... She is so fucking angry 20 years on... .

Please please don't listen these utter arses.

novichok Sun 08-Jul-18 01:24:43

YANBU, no women in my circle had children before their mid-30s. I had my DC at 40.

Oh, and if your mum comes out with that "too old" malarkey again, say: "Glad you think so, if that means you'll get off my case".

Sorry about your miscarriages. thanks

Chasingcars123 Sun 08-Jul-18 01:25:05

That is ridiculous. You are the ideal age to have a baby.

I was reading another thread today in which some mums mentioned that they had several miscarriages until they took aspirin and went full term with healthy babies.


I can't locate the thread but maybe other mums can point you in the right direction.

I hope you go on to get your baby. Best wishes to you flowers

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish Sun 08-Jul-18 01:30:36

34 is not too old to have a baby, my mother had me when she was 43 (I'm in my 30's nowgrin)

MsFrizzle Sun 08-Jul-18 01:31:23

Mum had me at 41.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 08-Jul-18 01:37:31

Ffs, I thought you were going to say you are 55! Your family is being totally ridiculous and daft. Go for it!

CitrusFruit9 Sun 08-Jul-18 01:39:00

God I had not even started considering having a family at 34! I had DC3 at 42, no IVF or anything. I think your mum is at least 10 years out.

Merryoldgoat Sun 08-Jul-18 01:42:50

I was one of the younger in my NCT group at 34 having my first. I had my second a few weeks before turning 40. I’m up cuddling him now and I’ve been up since 7 and energy is no issue.

Your mum is talking utter arse.

Merryoldgoat Sun 08-Jul-18 01:43:56

Plus I got pregnant first and second try respectively - being older doesn’t always mean fertility issues.

sandgrown Sun 08-Jul-18 01:44:00

I had my last baby at 45 with no problems. You are only young . Go for it!

My mum, who is 63, has just fallen pregnant through IVF. You definitely aren't too old. smile

Nat6999 Sun 08-Jul-18 01:48:11

I was six weeks off being 38 when I had my DS, no way did I feel like an old mum, I know someone who found she was pregnant at 49, had teenage children getting ready to leave school & off to uni, thought it was the menopause, after getting over the shock, she sailed through her pregnancy & Labour, was out shopping within a couple of days, it's given her a new lease of life, she looks ten years younger & runs rings round some of the younger mums. 34 is no age to worry about, if you want to try to conceive, go for it & good luck.

MooseBeTimeForSummer Sun 08-Jul-18 01:48:29


I was married for 16 years before DS1 was born. And I was 2 weeks off my 38th Birthday.

Italiangreyhound Sun 08-Jul-18 02:12:32

My first baby was born when I was 39 and we adopted a child born when I was 45.

You are not too old.

WHY would any one else even have an opinion on how old was too old let alone feel it was OK to share it with you ?? Just tell them it is none of their business, because it is not.

Italiangreyhound Sun 08-Jul-18 02:15:12

Are you getting assessments and help with regard to the miscarriages? Are you in the UK?

Good luck.

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