AIBU with MIL over grandchildren

[timelord92]

My MIL minds another grandchild for two days a week and so when we had our child said she would mind our child when I finish my maternity (in sept).

This is going ahead and there is no problems as yet. However, she said the other day that her other son and daughter-in-law, who lives 4 hours away are going away for 2/3 nights in early December and want my MIL to childmind their two children while they are away but for the week. She said they mentioned it ages ago but she forgot all about it. So she was asking what we could arrange so she could go down as she’d already said she’d do it. My DS can’t book December off and I’m not back in work yet to look but fortunately my mum can book that time off to mind her.

She goes down every year too while her son is away for a week with work to mind the children with her daughter-in-law as she can’t dont in her own ( kids are 7 & 8). Her own Mum kinds then in the day and have refused to do any more at any other time. So she has pre-warned us that she will still be doing that as she always has.

AIBU to think there is a little bit of favouritism going on? If it was me I’d be telling my son to bring the children down to me as I have responsibilities at home.

There is other things that I never noticed before having my child that she does. For instance, she’s been up to her son’s house to see the grandkids more frequently than she has been to visit our daughter since she’s been born even though we live a 5 month walk down the road.

Am I being over sensitive now I have a child or is this a bit out of order?

[KatnissMellark]

If I've got this right, your MIL will be providing regular weekly childcare to you but can't do it for one week because she has a pre-existing commitment and you think SIBU You're nuts. And YAdefintelyBU.

[BlueBug45]

You are being over sensitive.

It is up to her how she divides her time between her grandchildren and the oldest one will always be special simply because they were the first.

Also you probably aren't as welcoming to your in-laws as you think. Make it very clear that your MIL can pop in at any time for any time period to see your child, her grandchild.

[elliejjtiny]

Sorry but I think when your family does childcare you have to accept that there will be times when they can't do it and times when they just want to do something else.

[Trinity66]

YABU and ungrateful

[Storm4star]

For instance, she’s been up to her son’s house to see the grandkids more frequently than she has been to visit our daughter since she’s been born even though we live a 5 month walk down the road

Seems MIL's can't win! In other threads someone would be complaining that MIL is always coming round uninvited!

YABU, it's a couple of nights that she's away and you've been given plenty of notice.

[timelord92]

They aren’t her eldest grandchildren, they are some of the youngest. She has grown up grandchildren including my DP who also has two children from a previous relationship.

My DP has said she wouldn’t mind his other children overnight for him but now is minding her other sons children in December.

[TheUnknowner]

Wow just wow

[Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname]

You should have sympathy for sil who can't manage her own 2 dc.
And imo free childcare always comes at a price.

[Arthur2shedsJackson]

I think if you’re a 5 month walk away from her, it’s not surprising she doesn’t come very often.
HTH.

[Returnofthesmileybar]

Sensitive, jealous and ungrateful I would say you are

[Oliversmumsarmy]

She goes down every year too while her son is away for a week with work to mind the children with her daughter-in-law as she can’t dont in her own ( kids are 7 & 8).

[QuizzlyBear]

Sorry but yes, YABU.

My DM and MIL both very kindly had my boys for a day each a week when I went back to work and we had the odd occasion when they let us down (illness, another GC commitment etc) - the only time I considered this to be a PITA is when they didn't give me notice and I couldn't sort out alternative childcare.

You've been given 5 months notice. I think you'll handle it.

As for her spending time and visiting with the other GC, presumably she was doing that before your DD came along so why do you think she should reduce it now that she's born? Plus, no offence (it's natural to find your own child fascinating) but babies are a bit boring. 7 and 8 year olds are far more fun to hang out with!

[QueenB14]

You have plenty of notice to make other arrangements and she doesn't have to look after your child at all if she doesn't want to.

Have you told her you're pissed off?

[QuizzlyBear]

Just read your update, OP. Presumably your MIL was working when your DP's grown up children were small.

Is she retired now? That might well explain why she babysits overnight now and didn't then.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

Sorry phone playing up

Has your sil got disability or have the children got severe disabilities that she needs help to look after 2 school age children.

Why are they going on holiday without the children .

Is the reason her parents don't help because she is taking the piss and wanting everything done for her and they are trying to make them stand on their own two feet

[QuizzlyBear]

@Oliversmumsarmy - I assumed there was a good reason that SIL couldn't cope with the kids alone overnight or the OP would have mentioned her fecklessness. Shift work? Special needs? Odd working hours? Disability? Chronic illness?

There could be a host of reasons.

[Nicknacky]

You are being unreasonable. It doesn’t really matter why she can’t do it that week, you can’t expect her to do it every week of the year.

The poor woman doesn’t get a break from any children!

[Meredith501]

Have I got it right that your MIL is available to mind your child for 50 weeks of the year and needs 2 weeks to mind her other grandchildren and you think the parents of the other grandchildren are favourites?

If so, YABVU.

Are you paying MIL for childcare? Even if your child was in a paid childminder, the childminder would take holidays and you'd need to cover childcare.

[itswinetime]

I'm I'll bite so your main points of contention...

older grandchildren if they are now grown up I'm guessing when your dh was asking for help over night MIL was still working/living her own life! - sounds normal to me. Lots can change in 18-20 years

She will have your child regularly every week for (free I'm guessing). But because she wants to help her other son out on 2 occasions so far and have a holiday you are pissed off??? Yeah your going to have a hard time convincing people on that one.

She visits the other grandchildren more? That could be something or nothing your baby is young and not everyone finds babies easy the older grandchildren maybe asking after her ect there are many reasons I wouldn't jump to her playing favourites!

If I were you I would either arrange paid childcare where you don't need to stress about holidays ect or be greatful that your MIL is willing to comit a large amount of time to helping you and stop looking for faults!

[Fattymcfaterson]

Anyone else feel sorry for the Mil?

[timelord92]

Maybe I am being sensitive then if the consensus is that everything is as it should be.

To answer a few questions, yes she is retired so yes you could be absolutely right about being able to do the overnight minding now.

The daughter in law doesn’t like to help out no, her husband does everything even when he’s I’ll. she can be quite nasty to the children and to her husband (from what I’ve heard from other family members). Possibly my MIL likes to help because she doesn’t want the kids to get treated bad if left on their own.

Im am grateful to my MIL and I want our child to have a relationship with both grandparents. I think maybe my DP has told me too much about scenarios surrounding his ex, his family and the kids that I’m worried over it. For instance, none of his family ever visited the house to see the kids cos they hated the ex.

Thank you for your input I’ll take it on board.

[Juells]

If I were you I would either arrange paid childcare where you don't need to stress about holidays ect or be greatful that your MIL is willing to comit a large amount of time to helping you and stop looking for faults!

I agree with this ^^ Pay for your childcare, leave your MiL to organise her life as she wants, and stop whinging. How many hours does she have in the day to herself?

[KurriKurri]

So your MIl minds your child the majority of the year (for free?) she wants a week off, but your Mum is able to get that time off and mind the child. So there is no problem here about the child care ?
But you resent her going to see her other grandchildren and helping her other DDIL?

No there is no favouritism here - your MIl is very kindly giving up her time for you (and seriously restricting what and when she can do with her time)and you begrudge her a week off even when your own Mum can cover for her ? I seriously have absolutely no idea what your gripe is.

[longwayoff]

Entitled? Moi?

[FatBarry]

I feel sorry for my the mil, she's having your dc two days and another grandchild for two days a week and then doing two separate weeks looking after a third set of gc and you're bitching about favouritism whilst saying your dm is kindly helping out for one week.