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To steal a baby name?

(288 Posts)
Maggie24715 Thu 28-Jun-18 20:50:10

My husbands cousin is TTC and we were chatting about baby names. I'm 6 months pregnant and love the baby name she's chosen.
Would I be the worst in the world to steal it?
They live at the other end of the country so we only see them at family weddings - but they are a close family with lots of FB groups etc.

divadee Thu 28-Jun-18 20:50:55

No one owns a name.... but, I think it's a pretty shitty thing to do. Would you like it done to you?

Boredandtired Thu 28-Jun-18 20:51:14

I'm sorry but that would be really mean.

JessambardKingdomBrunel Thu 28-Jun-18 20:52:03

did you already like it before she mentioned it, or was it her mentioning it to you that made you think of it for the first time?

If the second, it's a bit of a shitty thing to do

Hengine Thu 28-Jun-18 20:52:32

Is it an unusual name?

restingbemusedface Thu 28-Jun-18 20:53:59

Oh please don’t. Yes no one owns a name blah blah blah but it’s shitty of you. You know that otherwise you wouldn’t be asking.

elQuintoConyo Thu 28-Jun-18 20:54:01

It would be a shitty thing to do

Petalflowers Thu 28-Jun-18 20:56:01

No one owns a name. However, normally mn gets posts from people who have said they have loved a name since childhood, disclosed it to a friend/ cousin/ relative, and now that person has used the name.

If you have loved the name for years, then use it. If not, then don’t.

DramaAlpaca Thu 28-Jun-18 20:56:57

I don't think you can 'steal' the name of a baby who hasn't even been conceived yet, and who might be a different sex from yours anyway confused

You don't see them often, they probably have different surnames. It's fine.

user1493413286 Thu 28-Jun-18 20:57:33

Unless you already liked it and had thought of it then I think it’s a bit of a rubbish thing to do

Feilin Thu 28-Jun-18 20:58:07

Id ask her. My cousin wanted to name his son after my dad and did the very polite thing of asking I said yes of course because if I had a boy they would be at different schools different ages etc etc. Some people are precious however .

DrinkReprehensibly Thu 28-Jun-18 20:58:27

Is she definitely going to use it? Perhaps talk to her... Maybe she's gone off it now? If she still definitely wants it, I wouldn't.

ArmySal Thu 28-Jun-18 20:58:34

Shitty shitty.

likeacrow Thu 28-Jun-18 20:58:59

I know someone who called their DS Zander after their best mate called theirs Xander...
I wouldn't do it and wouldn't like it done to me!

Fruitcorner123 Thu 28-Jun-18 20:59:39

don't do that. There is more than one nice name. This would be mean and so unecessary

TroubledLichen Thu 28-Jun-18 20:59:58

No one owns a name but imagine this the other way around; you’re TTC but as of yet no luck, you tell a family member that you’re trying and that you love a particular name for when you do have hopefully have a baby, next thing you know the family member has given her own baby that name. I expect you’d be really upset, as would anyone. So in the interest of being a decent person and not having your DH’s family hate you, you should find another name.

sakura06 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:00:59

I think it would be very insensitive as they're struggling to conceive. Sorry.

BlueBug45 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:01:09

You can't steal a baby name but can cause family resentment for about 3-5 years with your cousin if you named your child her favourite name as its firstnane. Give your child that name as a middle name if you want to use it.

LolaLilo Thu 28-Jun-18 21:03:49

Depends on the name. If it's very common then use it.

ifeelsoextraordinary Thu 28-Jun-18 21:04:50

It’s pretty mean. She is guaranteed to be upset about it even if she doesn’t show it.

Cakepop9 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:05:46

It would be mean of you and I think the whole family would never let you forget it!

MaggieFS Thu 28-Jun-18 21:07:37

Not great, unless it's relatively common anyway. Or ask her.

Amanduh Thu 28-Jun-18 21:07:53

Yes yabu and a twat

flumpybear Thu 28-Jun-18 21:08:23

So they're ttc yet you've got your lovely baby and nicking their name too ... bit mean!

Sheheremard Thu 28-Jun-18 21:08:33

Yeah that would make you a massive arsehole, sorry

GandalfsWrinklyHat Thu 28-Jun-18 21:10:25

There ar gazillions of names. Do you really need that specific one?? Its a bit of a dick move tbh.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry Thu 28-Jun-18 21:11:52

There are so many threads on here about this very thing. It’s not a nice thing to do. Yes, no one owns a name but i’m guessing the cousin wouldn’t be that happy.

Katjolo Thu 28-Jun-18 21:12:23

I wouldn't do it

bettytaghetti Thu 28-Jun-18 21:12:37

Think it's rare for mumsnet responses to be so unanimous. Well done OP!

ps. YABU

LavenderDoll Thu 28-Jun-18 21:12:48

In a world with thousands of names why would you steal a relatives choice

SlimGin Thu 28-Jun-18 21:14:02

Noooo and I don't even think you should ask! She may be too polite to say no.

MyLearnedFriend Thu 28-Jun-18 21:14:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:15:51

Ignore all the indignation.lets be clear no one has dibs on a name.cant steal a name

SpectacularAardvark Thu 28-Jun-18 21:17:05

That's a shitty thing to do and you know it or you wouldn't be on here hoping people would wrongly persuade you that it was fine.

lindyhopy Thu 28-Jun-18 21:17:07

Cant believe you are considering this, yes it would be a shitty thing to do and she will hate you for it

TheGirlWhoLived Thu 28-Jun-18 21:17:13

I would say: “DCousin, I’m in a bit of a predicament after discussing names with you as the one you had chosen was right at the top of our list too, obviously we don’t want to tread on any toes but just wondered if you were set on this too?”
See how they respond to that - eg ideal scenario: we prefer something else now, feel free , worst scenario: yes we’re definitely going to use it regardless of gender....

At least then you’ll know where they are emotionally

ChasedByBees Thu 28-Jun-18 21:17:30

You may be close now but I imagine your relationship will cool if you do this.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:18:01

Tough
If someone is going to lose it about their name they’re somewhat petty

Greekyoghurt83 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:18:09

Yabu and if she tells other family members, it won't make you look very good at all.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=s27NprKWiYw

user1499173618 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:20:46

Why would you want to do that? So mean.

Seafoodeatit Thu 28-Jun-18 21:21:02

YABU, yes you can't steal a name but it's a shitty thing to do none the less.

FatBarry Thu 28-Jun-18 21:21:17

I think it's shitty tbf.

pictish Thu 28-Jun-18 21:21:28

There are people who will tell you you can’t steal a name and it’s fair game...but I’m not one of those and I think you’d be a brazen wanker to do it.
Up to you though.

user1499173618 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:22:09

And you risk the justified anger of family members and losing their trust forever. It’s not worth it!

user1499173618 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:22:45

You can’t steal a name but you can lose goodwill and trust.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:24:44

Someone petty enough to feel aggrieved about name stealing probably isn’t queen of goodwill

GreenTulips Thu 28-Jun-18 21:25:04

Some people are precious however

And some people have their hopes pinned on a baby and that babies name. It's not precious to have a dream - it is however a shorty thing to do to anyone let alone a family member.

pictish Thu 28-Jun-18 21:25:35

And no...don’t ask her for fuck’s sake. That would put her in a complete no-win situation. Of course she’ll fucking mind...are you going to force her to say so or will she be too polite and have to watch you watch you trot off with her chosen name?
God.
No.

Find your own name.

NobodysMot Thu 28-Jun-18 21:27:04

She will forever think of you as that sad article with no imagination and no consideration who was shameless enough to blatantly copy her.

If you're cool with that, go for it!

user1499173618 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:27:17

Do you look out for opportunities to ride roughshod over family members’ feelings, Lipstick? Or just seize opportunities to create hurt when they arise spontaneously?

FrancisUnderwood Thu 28-Jun-18 21:27:55

YABU.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:28:03

Names aren’t owned op doesn’t have to search or ponder.she has a name in mind
Happens to be same name as another baby
Which is no big deal

NobodysMot Thu 28-Jun-18 21:28:03

''You can’t steal a name but you can lose goodwill and trust''

Exactly.

pictish Thu 28-Jun-18 21:28:28

Lipstick - do one.

user1499173618 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:29:30

Lipstick - why take so much pride in showing off your lack of manners and basic human kindness?

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:29:30

If I liked a name I’d use it, and that’d be end of it
Conversely anyone can chose my kids names without it causing consternation

user1499173618 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:30:24

Yes, because you lack any kind of normal human empathy.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:32:33

Do one?dont actually know what that means, as you were
I won’t be beholden to a notion of etiquette about names.
I don’t have to fret about what ifs of manners,trust and dreams
Conversely I don’t expect my kids names not to be replicated if someone likes them

smallchanceofrain Thu 28-Jun-18 21:32:51

It depends how thick-skinned you are.
You might have to live with relatives being angry and upset on her behalf.
She might feel obliged to choose another name and be angry or sad about that.
She might even never have a longed for baby and spend the rest of her life seeing and hearing your child being called the name of the child she wanted.
If none of that would bother you - go for it!

NobodysMot Thu 28-Jun-18 21:33:13

Either you're a bit of a psycopath or you stole your babies' names?!

EdWinchester Thu 28-Jun-18 21:33:26

Whilst I think sharing a name of a child that hasn’t even been conceived yet us a bit daft, she’s told you now and it would be rotten to use it.

PatchworkGirl Thu 28-Jun-18 21:33:37

Wouldn't bother me in the least but I can see I'm in the minority. You know your cousin. How would you feel if you do it and she takes it as badly as many of the response on here suggest she will?

user1499173618 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:33:52

Which means that the only person’s feelings you care about are your own. How unpleasant.

WonderTweek Thu 28-Jun-18 21:34:09

I wouldn’t do it if I were you. It’s not the worst thing on earth but it’s still shitty. Can you think of a modified version of the name?

PatchworkGirl Thu 28-Jun-18 21:35:03

Sorry, just re-read and saw that it's your husband's cousin.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:35:08

Human empathy is complex and situational
A tizzy about ownership of names is superficial and petty
I definitely don’t get vexed about the what ifs and ownership of names

chezare84 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:35:45

Tell us the name so we can all steal it 🙄

BlueBug45 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:35:50

Lipstick when someone is trying to concieve, maybe having difficulty, and you are pregnant already you don't rub salt into their wound by choosing a baby's firstnane as the one they want to use.

Btw to other posters never discuss names you like with family and friends' who are also pregnant, TTC or likely to TTC in a couple of years if you are at that stage yourself.

moira123io Thu 28-Jun-18 21:36:26

Don't do it. It's mean, and it's something that's ultimately going to cause a rift. My aunt stole her sister's baby name almost 40 years ago and still bring its it up when they see each other.

I'm sure you'd be annoyed if she did it to you.

user1499173618 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:36:35

Human empathy is quite straightforward actually. Unless you are a complete novice, like Lipstick, who seems to be reading from a textbook.

PuddlesOfBud Thu 28-Jun-18 21:36:46

Do one?dont actually know what that means, as you were

You do though. I'm not even from this country and I've heard it in books and films. It doesn't make you sound clever to pretend you have never heard a specific phrase.

anyway, I call reverse as if the OP had posted the other way around people would without a doubt say "yabu, you don't own a name!". Because that's how AIBU is nowadays. Whatever the OP says people with disagree with for amusement.

Tiredtomybones Thu 28-Jun-18 21:36:59

I wouldn't do it.

DailyMailFail101 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:37:15

It’s a little bit on the mean side, somebody ‘stole’ my baby name I never said anything to the couple but I haven’t met up with them since, is it worth losing a cousin?

PuddlesOfBud Thu 28-Jun-18 21:38:44

OP if this isn't a reverse just tell us the name so we can find you one similar?

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:39:31

Actually no,empathy part of human condition so not simple at all
Empathy is cultural,psychological and gendered
It’s only simple if you don’t understand

MrStarkIDontFeelSoGood Thu 28-Jun-18 21:40:16

Can you imagine this thread from the other side?!shock

DH and I have been TTC for a while and it hasn’t happened for us but I’ve had names picked out for ages.

I shouldn’t have told her but I did mention it to my cousins wife in an attempt to show an interest in her pregnancy

She has now used the name on her baby

I know I don’t own the name but it actively feels like she did it out of spite and I’m devastated

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:41:30

I don’t know anyone who would say do one. Evidently people say it. Just not in my social milieu

user1499173618 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:41:57

It’s straightforward (not simple) if you are an evolved and experienced adult. Pretty hard if you have relied on memorising a textbook as your guide, Lipstick. Get out a bit more smile

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:42:46

And from other side,I’d congratulate on pg and reassure that one can’t steal a name,and to move on.not to fixate on a minor point

user1499173618 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:44:43

Get out a bit more, Lipstick, and move beyond your narrow social milieu and your vocabulary will increase, and with it your understanding of human emotion.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:45:03

Thank you for enquiring after my well-being and activities user1499
I have a balance of individual and family activities

user1499173618 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:45:46

You sound more and more like a text book shock

strawberrypenguin Thu 28-Jun-18 21:47:06

I think it would be a pretty crappy thing to do. Especially if it's an unusual name.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:47:13

My social milieu is wide,but interestingly no one feels inclined to suggest anyone do one

TheClitterati Thu 28-Jun-18 21:47:31

Don't be a dick op.

chipsandgin Thu 28-Jun-18 21:47:43

Absolutely shitty, especially under the circumstances, she will never forgive you (rightly so) had it done to me, I know about these things..

biscoffbaby Thu 28-Jun-18 21:48:37

I'd be really pissed off if I was her

PuddlesOfBud Thu 28-Jun-18 21:49:46

I don’t know anyone who would say do one. Evidently people say it. Just not in my social milieu

Oh so you have heard of it? Because you have ranked it on the social scale and you knew it wasn't a typo, so you must have heard it.

If someone said something that made no sense whatsoever in a very short two words, I'd assume they'd made a typo. I certainly wouldn't assume it was some strange phrase only uttered by people not of my social milieu and risk humiliating myself by then announcing that I had never heard of such a thing.

Unless of course, I had heard the phrase, and wanted to give the impression that I had never heard such a word while clutching my faux pearls in my hand.

hazeydays14 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:49:58

Whilst I agree that no one owns a name, I think that given the circumstances this would be a shitty thing to do.

What does your DH think?

Hidillyho Thu 28-Jun-18 21:50:38

If you liked it before and said you liked the name before then fine. If you have only decided on it as she mentioned it then it’s shitty.

PuddlesOfBud Thu 28-Jun-18 21:50:38

Have you never watched a fim or read a book about people not of your "social milieu"?

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:51:09

Yes I have heard it puddles,here. Were evidently it’s a thing.to do.Once?

PuddlesOfBud Thu 28-Jun-18 21:51:11

I bet you love a good Martina Cole when no one is looking.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:53:08

I have read numerous books,for pleasure,for work.a plethora of topics

SamanthaH92 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:54:29

If i was them i would be pissed. My sister has done this to us. I made it clear i would be really angry should she use it. Wish I'd of kept my mouth shut. I think its a horrible thing to do.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:55:06

Crime, definitely
I recommend Clare Macintosh
I’ve Never read martina Cole,reckon it’d be like Peggy Mitchell with a pen

PuddlesOfBud Thu 28-Jun-18 21:56:53

Crime? I've never heard of such a thing. No one in my social milieu commits crime, how could I have ever heard of it?

Somewhereovertherainbow13 Thu 28-Jun-18 21:58:11

My sister just stole my baby name and one that came with lots of personal reasons behind it. I’m not angry just sad about it, I loved it for all its meaning and now i can’t use it.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Thu 28-Jun-18 21:58:18

Fair enough puddles.if you have no experience of it,I understand

PurpleRobe Thu 28-Jun-18 21:59:08

A friend did this to me.

I Told her my 2 names (1 boy and 1 girl).

She for pregnant (I never ever did) and she used the boys name. it's quite an usual one also.

I've not met another baby with the name, except for hers.

Breaks my heart

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