To Be Slightly Jealous - DP & ExW

[SlowlyMeltingInATent]

DP has been divorced for 4 years.
They have 2 DSs 20 & 18.

ExW has recently got a new DP.

Firstly DP made enquiries with a friend of his who works in the same field as the new DP to find out what he was like , career prospects etc.

He then checked every social media site trying to find out about him.

Last week he bumped into him for the first time & gave him a ‘talk’ about looking after his family.

I know he’s being protective so not sure why I feel a bit green eyed

[Justmuddlingalong]

He'll be protective of his kids, surely.

[LongSummerDays]

His DS's are adults at 18 and 20. Wonder what his exW thought about him stalking her partner on social media and then giving him a talk?

[ivykaty44]

He’s being territorial over his ex wife...

Not like his sons are children, they are grown up

I’d not be impressed with that type of attitude

[NewYearNewMe18]

Sorry Op - your DP is marking his territory, like cat does. He's letting another bloke know he's been there first. And frankly, it's very belittling towards his Ex.

[Nicknacky]

Fucking hell, that's not normal.

I think I would be feeling a bit more than green eyed, how long have you been with him?

[Mari50]

Very weird behaviour.
If my ex did this I’d be really pissed off. And our child is a lot younger. When my ex met someone else I certainly didn’t track her down, ‘bump’ into her and give her a talk about looking after my dd
Protective my arse.
Can you imagine this from his ex wife’s point of view as an AIBU?

[Olddear]

I wouldn’t call it ‘being protective’ controlling maybe......

[TragicBoozyFlaccidClown]

Wow that’s odd, your dp sees his ex and their children as his property.
I’d be re thinking a future with him

[Justmuddlingalong]

How long have you two been together?

[SlowlyMeltingInATent]

Thanks for the replies.

We’ve been together 18 months.
I’ve been stewing about for days & realise he is very much out of order.

[MarmaladeIsMyJam]

Your DP is a fucking weirdo.

His kids are adults, they done need looking after.

[C0untDucku1a]

Agree he sounds controlling.

[Nicknacky]

Did he tell you he has done all this stalking?

[AnneLovesGilbert]

That’s a bit weird OP. Don’t blame you for feeling icky or odd about it. My DSC are primary age and when ex got a boyfriend DHs only interest was that he was kind to the DC but he didn’t ask them anything about him, Facebook or other site search him. Why would he? He trusts his ex to choose a partner (the guy turned out to be a waste of space and they split after a year but he was always nice to the kids) and it’s her life. The DC being younger are much more dependent than yours but it’s still up to her what goes on in her home and her relationships. I have no idea if she googled me but that’s her business, I doubt you’d find much, and I’m DHs business, not hers. Yes I’m always nice to the kids

It is territory marking as a PP says. Do the DC live with her? They’re all adults, he needs to back off and leave her to it. He’s acting like her father not her ex! Career prospects? Has he also asked what the man’s parents do?

[Whocansay]

So out of order. Not normal behaviour. He had no right to do that at all.

Sorry OP. This doesn't bode well for you.

[Rachie1973]

Your DP is a prat. If his kids were 4 & 6 he'd have a point.

[SlowlyMeltingInATent]

At first he said I’m going to make enquiries etc & I said ‘ why on earth would you do that. You need to respect Ex’s new life’

It seems he didn’t listen to me

[KeepServingTheDrinks]

at best, it sounds like he's still very emotionally invested in his ex.

[Nicknacky]

I understand a bit of social media nosiness, I think most of us are guilty of that! But altogether doesn’t sound great or that he is over her.

[funinthesun18]

I’d be telling him to get lost if he’s still carrying a torch for his ex.
She does not need his blessings or protection and I would be very unhappy with his over investment in her life.

[happypoobum]

Yeah I would probably do some SM stalking to check them out. And that would be the end of it.

Making a point of asking around and then telling the bloke to look after his family is really weird on two levels.

1. XW has been seeing this bloke for five minutes yes, so it's a bit premature?
   

1. "Looking after his family" clearly relates to the XW as I can't imagine new DP has much to do with the DS's?
   

Have you ever had cause to think he is over invested before?

[pictish]

He’s simply asserting his stamp of ownership over his ex w and possibly kids. “I was there before you, make no mistake about that.”

I wouldn’t be happy.

[Ryder63]

He sounds like a stern Victorian father! it's weird. As pps have said, his DC are adults and don't need looking after. Way too invested in his ex wife's life.

[redshoeblueshoe]

I don't understand why you would be jealous. Annoyed yes, behaving like a stalker creepy.

[NotTakenUsername]

He sounds like a prick and it sounds like he was doing a bit of cock measuring.