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AIBU?

To never feed my mums cats again?

26 replies

CatLadyToddlerMother · 25/06/2018 10:42

As title says. Been feeding them for the last week as mum and brother are away on holiday. They are away for another 2 weeks (alright for some!).

I was told (not asked) that I was feeding them as my brother doesn’t trust anyone else apparently (he has serious mental health issues which include trust problems) even though a neighbour of mine is a petsitter and would have done mates rates for them I was handed the keys and told to deal with it. My brothers met the sitter but “doesn’t trust her” despite her having all the relevant DBS checks, and also being insured.

I can’t afford to pay the sitter myself so stuck with two cats, one of whom is elderly and vomits regularly. I also have my own cat (whose thankfully not bothered by anything), and am a single mother to a disabled 3 year old (she turns 3 next week). I drive but don’t own a car and mums taken hers on holiday (with my DDs carseat in!) so I’m having to walk down twice a day as the elderly cat of my mums can’t cope with one meal a day as she’ll overeat and vomit. It’s only 15 minutes away but with DD it can take double that and on Nursery days we’re in the complete opposite direction to mums house so it’s taking up to an 2 hours a day just walking there and back.

I am also recovering from the breakdown of my marriage in March (see other thread) and have appointments all over the county for both myself and DD. I am also terrified that the elderly cat (whose must be around 15 now) is going need vets treatment while they’re away - I have insurance for my cat before anyone points out I have a responsibility to my own cat, mum has no insurance for any of the cats and I couldn’t find the money upfront by myself to pay it.

WIBU to tell my mum next year she will need a sitter even if my brother doesn’t trust them? I can’t do this again, it’s messing with DDs routine which is really important to her due to her particular SN.

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Judashascomeintosomemoney · 25/06/2018 10:48

Of course YWNBU to not do this again. But in the mean time can you afford to get a cat feeding bowl that has a timed opening device? That way you would st least only have to go once a day as you could fill it in [
the morning and set it to open that evening. Happy birthday to your little DD! CakeBear

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Crunchymum · 25/06/2018 10:53

Can you contact your mum and get her to ok the petsitter (and transfer you the money to pay for it!!)

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Crunchymum · 25/06/2018 10:54

I'd also be inclined to go once a day and feed them dry food. Cats don't tend to overeat that?

(I say that as owner of a sicky cat!!)

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CatLadyToddlerMother · 25/06/2018 11:00

Elderly cat has no teeth so can't have dry food. I've asked about the petsitter but she doesn't want to go behind my brothers back.

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missedith01 · 25/06/2018 11:05

YANBU. I would explain, at some suitable interval after they get back, how difficult it was for you to do this and that you're glad they had a good holiday but that you can't do it again. Then if they hand you the keys another time just hand them straight back.

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FizzyGreenWater · 25/06/2018 11:09

Wow - never again.

Handed the keys and told to get on with it?

Your problem is drawing boundaries.

'Sorry, you'll be wanting these back (hands over keys). I've got far too much on my plate, plus no transport and DD to take care of. I am not adding hours onto my day so that you can avoid paying for a pet sitter. Ask next door, and can you get DD's carseat out while you're at it?'

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Birdsgottafly · 25/06/2018 11:31

Would you do it if it was one well cat?

The elderly cat may not be here for the next time they want to go on holiday.

It's that cat that has made it such an issue. That and your DD's conditions.

If your Mum helps you out, I would leave it when they first get back and after about a week tell her that you won't be able to do it again, at least whilst the elderly cat needs such care.

I can understand her not wanting to break your DB's trust, that would make life very difficult going forward.

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Birdsgottafly · 25/06/2018 11:34

Don't take FizzyGreenWater's advice. If your Brothers issues are genuine.

Just explain to your Mum that without a car it's too much. It isn't nice that she may have to forgo holidays for a couple of years (whilst Elderly Cat is still alive), but unfortunately that's what caring for someone with MH issues can entail.

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JustJoinedRightNow · 25/06/2018 11:34

Does your brother live in the house? If so, surely he can feed the poor old things.

If not, it really doesn’t affect him if you use the pet sitter.

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Frogscotch7 · 25/06/2018 11:36

Just give away the cats. He’ll never trust you again, problem solved.

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itsBritneyBeach · 25/06/2018 11:39

@Frogscotch7 Grin


YADNBU, I'd be so annoyed if this happened to me! Make it clear you are definitely not doing this again when they come back

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CatLadyToddlerMother · 25/06/2018 11:45

I'd never give the cats away as I'd be devastated if someone did that to me.

My brothers on holiday with my mum, they're abroad so not even as if they can cut it short by a few days/weeks.

It's the elderly cat that's the worst yes, I can handle the other younger cat as she just sleeps and eats wet food so I'd just give her two pouches in the morning or evening and be done with it.

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MariaMadita · 25/06/2018 11:46

Explain to your mother that it's to much. She could maybe facilitate (=pay for...) Regular meetings with petsitter. Might build trust in your brother's side of things...

If that's impossible... Well, you might calmly explain that you'll need the car. Well, if you're sure you're up for it thaf way.

"Only" one week with you having the car might be worth a try?

But I'd clearly and calmly communicate that (probably to your mother) this wasn't an acceptable solution for you.

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Babynut1 · 25/06/2018 11:47

If people have pets then they need to arrange adequate care for them.
They’re not your problem so tell them you’re not doing it.
My brother goes away all the time and expects every tom dick and Harry to sort out his bloody cats. I refuse to do it.

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MariaMadita · 25/06/2018 11:50

It seems like you currently have to continue doing this...

But yes, YANBU to say never again. At least not for 2 weeks and without a car. (Imo...)

I do believe that trying to get your brother to trust the sitter (regular meetings, having the sitter sit the kitties for a day or two etc... something your DM or DB would obviously need to pay for...) would be a good idea.

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CatLadyToddlerMother · 25/06/2018 11:53

Brothers problem is genuine (although I'm sceptical about the severeity). He has met the sitter a few times, and I have used her for my cat in the past. He doesn't have friends, at all. The only people he trusts are me and my mum, he sees our dad regularly but doesn't trust him apparently.

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SoupDragon · 25/06/2018 11:56

An automatic pet feeder may help as you’d only need to go once a day.

I use one for my cat so that I don’t have to feed him breakfast or lunch. I set. It u at night when I give him dinner. He’s an over eater so has 3 small meals a day.

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Singlenotsingle · 25/06/2018 11:58

Wondering why it takes so long to walk when DD goes with you? Hasn't she got a buggy?

Just say no next time. She'll have to put the cats in a cattery.

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SugarIsAmazing · 25/06/2018 11:58

I'm sure it's annoying but I'd literally either do it and not moan or ask a neighbour to do it and then just pop in on the last day to check the place etc.

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DarlingNikita · 25/06/2018 11:58

I've asked about the petsitter but she doesn't want to go behind my brothers back.

Take matters into your own hands and engage the petsitter (if she's available) yourself.

This is clearly too much for you to take on and you shouldn't have done so in the first place. If someone handed me keys and told me to deal with it I'd drop the keys on the floor and say 'Deal with it yourself' and walk away.

If your mother kicks off about going behind your brother's back, tell her all you've told us here about how much time and hassle it's costing you and why you really don't need it, and tell her you'll not be doing it again anyway, so either she'd better get used to going behind your brother's back or they should work on his trust issues.

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WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 25/06/2018 12:03

Could you get one of those timed food dispensers? My friends had one for their cat. Though I don't know if it would work with wet food. I think theirs ate biscuits.

But YANBU to never do this again. It sounds like a nightmare.

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Branleuse · 25/06/2018 12:08

cats with no teeth can still manage dry food.

My cat has hardly any teeth and still manages dried food once a day and tinned the rest.
My dps dog has only got a few teeth but still manages dried food. Their gums get hard and its fine.

Id go once a day, put a bit of wet food and a bowl of dried food.
Twice a day is silly if you need to go so far to do it

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Myotherusernameisbest · 25/06/2018 12:17

Can you take the cats to yours? I know you have a cat already but some cats get on ok so might be worth a try.

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Myotherusernameisbest · 25/06/2018 12:18

Or find out if there is a teen/child living in the vicinity who would happily feed the cats for £10 a week? I know my dd would jump at the chance. Then just don't tell your brother.

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Apehouse · 25/06/2018 12:21

I’m also thinking, why not take them to yours and keep them in the bathroom or wherever is feasible. It’s not like they would have palatial surroundings if they went to a cattery as many do.

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