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To make dd give up her room if she can't look after it.

(136 Posts)
Donthugmeimscared Sun 24-Jun-18 18:18:58

I am so sick of dd 13 living in filth. She is disgusting. We are in a three bed house and her brothers 7 and 10 share. I'm so fed up with her mess that I've told her that if she doesn't sort it out she's sharing with her 7 yr old ds and her 10yr old ds can have her room as he will actually appreciate it.

By disgusting I mean gross she couldn't give a toss what she leaves on the floor including underwear where her San pro has leaked. I've helped her many times to clean it only for the floor to be covered in crap by the next day. Even worse if I take clean clothes in for her to put away she just chucks it on top of the mess. It's only a small box room so gets bad fast and according to her I'm stressing her out telling her to clean it and it's her human right to have a room for herself.

Wibu to actually follow through with this?

OP’s posts: |
SmashedMug Sun 24-Jun-18 18:21:25

I think yabu. Shut the door and ignore. It'll click eventually.

Pebblespony Sun 24-Jun-18 18:22:22

It's her room. Does it matter if it's messy?

upsideup Sun 24-Jun-18 18:23:33

YANBU
If I didnt have enough rooms for each child to have their own, then the child who most deserved it would be getting their own room not the one who was born first. I would be worried about making 7 year old ds share with her though as hes probably happier sharing with his tidy brother and it wouldnt be fair for him to be punished

Chocolatecoffeeaddict Sun 24-Jun-18 18:23:50

Yabu, you can't expect a teenage girl to share with a younger boy. And it's not fair on him to have to put up with her mess. I would help her clear her room and then it's up to her to keep it tidy after that. I would do weekly checks to help her keep on top of it. But really you should be helping her keep it clean.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 24-Jun-18 18:24:00

Work out what is actually your issue and what is her issue.

Dirty plates cause pests. Dirty underwear cause smell. These are your business and should be tackled.

Creased clothes cause no issue for you whatsoever.

PalePinkSwan Sun 24-Jun-18 18:24:16

Really don’t think it’s fair on your 7 year old to see dirty underwear etc, so I’d look for another solution.

I was a very messy teen - one thing I remember is my parents nagged me to tidy or sort it out but didn’t actually teach me how. Having an organised space with a place for everything and getting into the habit of keeping it tidy is a skill she needs to learn.

Could you spend some time reorganising her room with her, and make clear this is her last chance to keep it nice?

MereDintofPandiculation Sun 24-Jun-18 18:24:25

Why should DS7 have to put up with her untidiness?

Donthugmeimscared Sun 24-Jun-18 18:24:37

It bothers me as we are getting flies and when she has friends round tries to take over my room. I wouldn't mind the mess just the lack of throwing things away that then go rancid.

OP’s posts: |
ZoeWashburne Sun 24-Jun-18 18:26:04

Give her actual tasks to be done before she goes to school:

- floor must be clear
- bed must be made
- laundry done every Sunday

She doesn’t do it 5 times she loses her room.

ZoeWashburne Sun 24-Jun-18 18:27:29

Meant to add- might be easier to lose privileges than the room. Her room is untidy? No friends over. 2 days in a row? Loses her phone.

Donthugmeimscared Sun 24-Jun-18 18:27:38

I do help her to tidy it but she just can't be assed to do it. Even when I help her she's half assed about it. We only recently moved here and before the three where sharing. While they were all together she was never like this.

OP’s posts: |
Metoodear Sun 24-Jun-18 18:29:03

I think taking away her phone until the roof is tidy will make her into a moly maid you will find
But don’t let the younger suffer her filth

SmashedMug Sun 24-Jun-18 18:29:14

When friends come round, she has to take them in her room or they don't come round. Won't be long before it's more tidy.

adaline Sun 24-Jun-18 18:30:57

Aren't most teens messy?

Surely making her share with her brother is punishing him, when he's actually done absolutely nothing wrong?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 24-Jun-18 18:31:23

When friends come round, she has to take them in her room or they don't come round. Very clearly this.

Natural consequences.

Rocinante1 Sun 24-Jun-18 18:35:25

I had a messy phase. Not as bad as dirty clothes left everywhere, but my room was disorganised to say the least. My mum started coming in when I was at school and anything I had left on the floor or piled on the bed was put into bin bags. Everyday. It only took a couple weeks of all my stuff getting put into bin bags for me to change my ways!
She didn't get rid of anything, but I didn't get it back unless it was school uniform. Once I kept everything organised, I got my stuff back.

Bluetrews25 Sun 24-Jun-18 18:37:05

Close the door and leave her to it. Her mess, she needs to tidy it, and friends go in there when they visit. The only way she will learn to keep it tidy is if she has to do it ALL herself. She knows how, it's just easier to let you do it when you 'help' her.
She will run out of undies at some point and have to pick up and put in the laundry basket. If you run out of plates, put her food direct on the table until she brings some plates down.
Tell her you will treat her like an adult - her room, her space, her job to tidy.

gryffen Sun 24-Jun-18 18:38:15

Very messy kid myself but leaving obvious blood soaked items bout the place is rancid and she needs a mental kick up the ass.

Strip her room down, no tv, phone, Wi-Fi, music etc.

She has chores to do each day in room and if not done then no Wi-Fi code or phone charger (that will make her sweat as she sees the battery die).

Friends do not go into other rooms - if she wants them over her room or outside.

No pocket money, she has do chores for that.

Introduce her to Napisan for blood on clothes - cold wash then wash with napisan.

If all else fails then the camera comes out.

Family health over her personal room is a must - if she can't see that then she needs lessons.

Jamiefraserskilt Sun 24-Jun-18 18:39:21

When she leaves home and pays her own rent then she can do what she wants. Until then she abides by the rules and respects her allocated space in the family home. Her brothers have to share their space so she should consider herself lucky she has a room to herself. And ban her from your room. If she can't entertain in her own, she doesn't get to have mates round.
(Braces for a flaming)...

Nanny0gg Sun 24-Jun-18 18:43:21

You stand over her every day to clear away dirty clothes and plates. (Plates she has to wash up).

If she doesn't put clean clothes away she wears them creased (and you don't iron - she's old enough to do that if necessary). I wouldn't buy her anything other than necessities if she can't care for them

Friends don't come round if the bedroom is a mess.

And don't punish her little brother, he doesn't deserve her.

By the way, if the room is tiny, is there space for everything to go away?

Catchuptv Sun 24-Jun-18 18:47:49

This will go on till she's older - best thing is to get used to it - it doesn't get any better - sorry.

LM1970 Sun 24-Jun-18 18:51:57

YABU to make a teen share with a 7 year old. That’s just going to be embarrassing for both of them.

YANBU about the mess though.

My DD1 has very very bad periods- she has to set an alarm to change her pad twice in the middle of the night. When she was younger and she leaked, she was expected to wash her underwear and bedding in the sink before school and put them in the wash- and she started at 11. So at 14 there is zero excuse. If she’s leaking badly you need to a) encourage to get up in the night and change her san pro/ensure you remind her to take enough to school and b) to clean up after herself.

I’m assuming you do her laundry for her? Stop. She’s at an age when she’s more than capable of doing it herself and she will soon realise when she doesn’t have a certain top or pair of jeans to go out of a weekend.

If she’s leaving food in her room- ban food upstairs until she learns. Does she have a bin in her room? If not, try that first. Bin is emptied before she goes to school each morning.

If she can’t follow the rules then start removing privledges- no WiFi for 24 hours, no friends round for a week, two weeks and so on.

But as I said YABU to make a teen share with someone half their age.

mumsastudent Sun 24-Jun-18 18:56:31

I am awful parent smile when teenager cont to do this I got cross went into bedroom tossed everything off bed including mattress and pillows in a heap on the floor - didn't say anything to dc when dc came in …. it did work as when dc complained I said that if it was left like that again that's what would happen...it did work...it also meant I was quite calm...very therapeutic smile

fleshmarketclose Sun 24-Jun-18 19:02:33

I go in once or twice a week to clean in dd's room. The rule here is that if it isn't tidy enough for me to clean then she loses all gadgets until she has tidied and cleaned the room to my standard. It's always tidy enough that way because she gets to avoid cleaning.

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