Terrible, terrible kisser

[TidyLike]

I went on a date with a guy from a dating website. We got on fantastically well before we met - top banter from the start. The date was great. But I don't think I want to see him again, and a large part of the reason is that he is a terrible kisser. Full on washing machine style sloppy with awful sound effects. I feel like such a bitch. Anyone else been in this situation?

Also, so as not to drip feed, he didn't keep track of his train times home and ended up staying at mine, which I found hugely stressful because I didn't want my kids to find a stranger in their home unexpectedly. I explained this and kicked him out before 6am and he was totally understanding about it. Lesson learnt (if this situation ever arose again I'd just say 'sorry but you can't stay because my kids don't know you') but it's possible that the stress of this in contributing to my feelings about him. A second date might help me decide but I don't want to lead the poor bugger on.

[CantankerousCamel]

I’ve only recently told my husband that I don’t really enjoy having someone’s tongue fully in my mouth and find it quite confronting/gross

He is happy to oblige with less awfully intrusive kisses and we get on well

Could you tell man the same? It’s worth being honest with him, worst that could happen is he buggers off anyway

[BlueNeighbourhood1]

I think you know in your gut if this type of thing will work out or not.

I remember a first kiss with an ex, we were drunk and it was washing machine like blah blah but I knew we were both nervous and my gut told me this person was right for me. Turns out the next kiss was awesome and every subsequent one for two years!

I don't like the whole train thing, to me that looks like he's angling to stay at yours by "forgetting"

I say go with your gut feeling which by the sound of it is saying to not have another date.

[Mimmim112]

I had the same issue. I really thought I might have to break up with him as it was so bad, even though I really liked him. I even posted on here! But within a couple of weeks of me drawing back when he kissed me, then kissing him back the way I liked it, he miraculously learnt and turned into the best kisser ever! There is hope!

[GonePenguin]

I could get over the kiss thing...largely by gentle instruction as Cantankerous says...

However, the train thing? He’s either disorganised (nnnnnope!) or was chancing it.

[CisTerfsAreDoinItForTheShelves]

Ewww.... I used to date someone like that. Great guy. Great job. Owned his own house. Really keen to settle down. A real catch BUT the worst kisser in the world.

He’s still single and I’m convinced the terrible kissing is the reason.

[TidyLike]

I don't like the whole train thing, to me that looks like he's angling to stay at yours by "forgetting"

This is my concern too. At some point in the evening he mentioned he would stay at a hotel, but clearly he hadn't booked anything. I didn't offer to let him stay with me. Later on he asked if he could stay. I felt a bit cornered because obv I wasn't going to leave him stranded. But why not ask ffs ... unless he thought I'd say no, in which case it's pretty manipulative. Before any of that happened I had texted a friend with an update saying how great he was, and that was despite the kissing.

Thank you all, this has helped me clarify my thoughts.

[ClandestineAdulation]

I dated someone like this once! I found it was a lot easier if I took the lead, but I found that quite easy and he was happy to follow. I’m sure it’s not the case in every situation but you should decide if it’s something that’s a deal breaker for you if things don’t improve!

[FizzyGreenWater]

He'd be out because of the train and staying over nonsense.

Totally manipulative. He angled and angled and oooh nowhere to stay and when you were CLEARLY not going to offer a bed to this virtual stranger, he put you on the spot by asking directly?

Nope. Binned.

[InTheLightOfTheMoon]

You let a stranger stay in your house with your kids? really not a good idea.

[annandale]

The kissing is sortable. The ignoring your boundaries isn't, particularly if you struggle to enforce them yourself. I wouldn't see him again and I would think twice about dating until you can cheerfully say 'I'll call you a cab' in that scenario.

[TidyLike]

You let a stranger stay in your house with your kids? really not a good idea.

Totally agree, and won't let it happen again.

[CaledonianQueen]

If you end up really liking him, I would stop him if he kisses like that next time and tell him to slow down and follow your lead. My first kiss was a full on washing machine and my goodness it was nauseating! Thankfully my second kiss partner was older, more experienced and did the above! So much nicer!

How old is he? I assume he is inexperienced as I can’t imagine any woman putting up with that for long!

[Imnotaslimjim]

The train thing would end it for me anyway bit as to the kissing thing, I fell heavily for a girl (I'm a girl too) when I fine I kissed her I was a bit full on and she pulled away and told me I was too much. She then went on to show me how she liked to be kissed. 12 months on, I still love kissing her.

If you think he is the man for you, you need to show or tell him but I'd be very wary after the 'missed train'

[FizzyGreenWater]

The ignoring your boundaries isn't, particularly if you struggle to enforce them yourself.

Yes, this, totally.

At some point in the evening he mentioned he would stay at a hotel, but clearly he hadn't booked anything. I didn't offer to let him stay with me. Later on he asked if he could stay. I felt a bit cornered because obv I wasn't going to leave him stranded.

No, at that point the totally reasonable thing to do would be to reply:

'Sorry, that won't be possible as my children are at home and obviously I'm not prepared to let a total stranger to them stay in the house - you mentioned a hotel earlier on - shall we google? There should be a reasonably priced one within a taxi ride's distance I should think.'

Yes, leaving a solvent healthy adult 'stranded' is a far better option than compromising your kids' safety. He knew that too - which is the reason he should be binned. You now realising that should be a total alarm bell - you can't let yourself be manipulated like that.

[CaledonianQueen]

I also agree about his being manipulative and ignoring your boundaries! You are not responsible for his welfare just because you went on a date! He could have been a serial killer! Thankfully he obviously isn’t or you wouldn’t be posting but you are right to say that it won’t happen again.

[The80sweregreat]

Couldn’t he get a cab home?

[TidyLike]

Couldn’t he get a cab home?

It would have been about 80 miles. But yes, I should have left him to get one. In general I should have said that whatever the options were, they didn't include staying at my house, as he could have discovered earlier if he'd asked about it. As I said, lessons learnt.

[SuperSuperSuper]

I wouldn't ditch him for the inept kissing (it is fairly easily resolved) but I would for the "missed train" cheeky fuckery. A decent man would not put you on the spot like that.