Neighbours making life hard.

[Cheeseandcrisps]

Hello everyone it's more of a wwyd. I live in a masonette been here for just under 2 years with my dh and dd. We have a woman that lives next door we have always been polite to her my dh has never really liked her but has always been polite and o tried to be friends with her but whenever we spoke I always felt she was trying to intimidate she also once for angry at me as when we moved in we got new carpet my dd was 8 weeks old at the time she felt we shouldn't have carpet because she couldn't afford any and her dd is older. She also told me the plans I got given by the council outlining where my garden is was a load of rubbish and whole lot was her garden I called our housing officer and had her come out to explain whos garden belonged to who.

This woman fell out with another neighbour who I happen to get along with but I made it clear from the start I didn't wish to get involved in any arguments they were having we all have to live there so we should all try and rub along. Since this fall out she had with the other neighbour I've heard her outside with the man that lives in the flat underneath her masonette bitching about me and the other neighbour. Dh and I previously got along with the man who lives under next door but all or a sudden he stopped speaking to us and started being horrible to our dd.

I have trouble with my breathing so need to leave my bedroom window open at night to get the fresh air and keep it moving especially when its not all my neighbours know that and they have always been very understanding the man downstairs has now taken to lighting bonfires at 2am then he's outside again at 6 stomping around and talking loudly.

I've stopped speaking to the girl next door I was getting tired of the way she speaks to me anyway and fron her past she causes trouble nearly everywhere she goes in her last property the neighbours hated her and her then boyfriend so much they drove her out which im not saying is right but a lot of people have warned me about what a nasty piece of work she is I've always given her the benefit of the doubt and always made it clear i dont want to be involved in arguments I'm out most days and usually home for tea time and I'm pretty much in for the night so i really dont know how all of a sudden I've fallen out with 2 neighbours.

Since the garden situation ive been moaned at for several things including opening my front door too loudly with the key il admit the door is a little stiff but the latest time I open my door is anout 8pm and I always try and do it quietly I have a dd in bed I wouldn't deliberately make noise im really not that sort of person just don't know what to do now it's getting to the point were it feels like bullying and my other neighbours have agreed.

Sorry for waffling on I have anxiety im also pregnant at the moment after 2 miscarriages this year so this extra upset and stress is doing me no good at all. If ive mafe any mistakes or the post is hard to follow please just let me know and I will clarify. Many thanks for reading!

[Singlenotsingle]

WWID? I think I'd move out!
Seriously, at the very least try to speak with the man downstairs and see if you can clear up any misunderstandings. Otherwise I don't know. Hopefully someone else will have some useful ideàs.

[Butterflykissess]

this is why i dont bother trying to be friends with my neighbours. personally i would just ignore.

[Cheeseandcrisps]

I already tried that I even said to him if he's falling out with us because of the girl upstairs we haven't had an official fall out but she will happily watch him fall out with everyone and when he isnt around she tries to talk to all of us.

I forgot to mention that in my op if the man downstairs isn't home she tries saying hello and being friendly but if he is home and then i come back she doesn't speak and she deliberately blocks the way so i can't get to my house. I've stopped talking to her now even if she does speak I just ignore her but it's getting harder and harder it's social housing we were saving for a mortgage but a sudden family emergency meant we has to spend our savings we are in a better position financially as in we can afford another child so I'm not just having babies willy nilly but I could not afford private rent.

[Cheeseandcrisps]

Hard to ignore when you wake up at 2.30 am fighting for air

[LostInShoebiz]

If you can’t ignore then the answer is to move. No one here can wave a magic wand and make them all play nice.

[Steeley113]

Sounds like you all need to stop living in each other’s pockets. Polite nods to neighbours is all that’s needed. TBH as awful and judgey as it sounds, it’s very typical ‘council flat’ behaviour so you either move or deal with it until you can.

[Takfujuimoto]

There really isn't anything you can do but save, save, save and move as soon as you can afford to.
You say you can afford another child, but not to save up, well if it really is this dire where you live then I wouldn't want to have another baby whilst living there.
Put the ttc on hold, be sensible and save up so you can find a better environment for the child you already have and any future siblings she may have.

[Butterflykissess]

no point reporting it either as the council wont do anything. i had much much worse in my old flat and the council werent interested (accussed me of making it up to get a move!)

[Twooter]

Tak, she’s already pregnant!

[ilovesooty]

The OP's pregnant so a bit late to advise delaying additions to the family.

[Mollie85]

Takfujuimoto - the op states she is pregnant at the end of the post.

Only advice I have is to keep a distance and make sure you don’t say anything to anyone about anyone. If neighbors try to pull you in to that just refuse to engage.

Bonfires at that hour - that surely comes under anti social behavior? That’s a call to the council, I would assume.

Keep to yourself is the best strategy.
Good luck for the pregnancy.

[Cheeseandcrisps]

I'm already pregnant. I didn't say I can afford to save up I said I can't afford to pay private rent in this part of the country for a property the size I would need id be looking at over 1000 a month not inc bills and utilities. Thing is all the other flats and masonettes along here are privately owned it's really not a bad area at all. Also i dont live in anyone's pocket I'm out almost every day (working) I get home around tea time I'm in my hoise for the night the only time I go outside once I'm home is to take my bin down I've always said hello to any neighbours I've seen. I get on with one neighbour very well she is much older and I've known her for a good number of years so occasionally I might stand a bit longer and chat with her we have a shared hobby so that's usually what we discuss I really wouldn't call that living in anyone else's pocket.

[Juells]

could you do a swap? I've seen a documentary about people swapping council flats/houses and it seemed to work out well. You're obviously a quiet non-confrontational person, which makes it difficult for you to deal with this kind of nonsense.

Move. Or rent privately.

[Juells]

Bonfires at that hour - that surely comes under anti social behavior? That’s a call to the council, I would assume.

^^ This. Bonfires at 2am is batshit behaviour.

[Cheeseandcrisps]

I wouldn't want to see any neighbour in trouble with the council anyway id like to avoid that altogether. It is such a shame though it makes me dread coming home and although I dont socialise a lot with them it does feel very isolating I dont feel comftable letting dd use the garden as the man downstairs has been so horrible to her she's 2 ffs! I have asked him nicely to stop taking whatever this is out on dd she's a toddler she doesn't understand and if she sees him she beams and starts waving like crazy at him as before all this he used to chat to my dh about football and quite often used to chatter to dd if she was outside with dh.

[Juells]

Every time I post I think of something else I meant to say 😁

Get a fan and an air purifier to help your breathing so he can't mess with you. If he sees your bedroom window closed every night he'll stop bothering.

Dyson do one, expensive but worth it not to be victimised by CF neighbour.

[Cheeseandcrisps]

I'm not confrontational at all but at the same time I'm not a total walk over either. The bonfires at this time are new he's always been partial to a bonfire but usually early evening and he always used to knock the doors first and just let is know so we could her any washing in or close the windows I've never had a problem with him having his bonfires though its his garden after all I just can't help but think these 2am ones are out of spite.

[Cheeseandcrisps]

Yes I think I will need to invest in one of those instead i had a decent fan but it wasn't doing the job properly it was just moving old air around the open window isn't ideal anyway as I'm terrified of spiders

[witchofzog]

"Just move " People who say this don't seem to understand the huge expense involved in moving, the fact that the op would probably be giving up social housing and then paying significantly more to rent privately with less chance of saving for a mortgage.

Op the situation sounds awful and your neighbours are bullying you. Especially the bonfire thing. Who lights a bonfire at 2am anyway?

Keep a diary of everything that happens. If this escalates or you want to take it further later on you will need this. If she had been evicted before are you able to log the behaviour with the housing association so they have a record, again in case tbis escalates?

A swap sounds like a good idea or could you ask the housing association about the possibility of being rehoused? If you are moving to a similar property I imagine it's no skin of their nose which one they re-let to a new tenant.

Good luck

[holyshitdude]

If moving isn't an option, have you thought about meditation, I know some councils offer it when there is tension between neighbors.

[BlankTimes]

Can't help with much for you OP, but this is easy to fix.

opening my front door too loudly

Rub all round the door with a candle. The wax will make the door 'slip' into its frame easier and quieter.

[Butterflykissess]

she could join the list but she certainly wouldnt be priority for a fall out with neighbours so will be waiting years. a swaps not easy either my sisters bern trying for 3 years and she lives in a house with nice neighbours.

[Butterflykissess]

yep the councils more likely to offer mediation than evict the neighbours (very difficult to do.)

[Cheeseandcrisps]

I think I need to ask about moving I want to get past the 12 week mark with the pregnancy before i take on that sort of stress its just a little upsetting I'm not the sort of person that falls out with people or has enemies ofcourse you can't be best friends with everyone but I usually get along with people well im just really surprised this has happened.

[LexieLulu]

I think you need to get the male neighbour solo. Nothing can be resolved without talking to eachother x