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AIBU?

WWYD - landed with whole bill for cake.

193 replies

Halloolah · 24/06/2018 10:10

As title says, this is more of a WWYD but posting here for traffic...

My DH's BIL recently had a significant birthday. His wife (my SIL) organised a big party. She was let down quite late by the people sorting the birthday cake. My Mum makes cakes semi-professionally (i.e. she makes them properly, but doesn't advertise and takes word of mouth requests), so we offered to ask if she could help and explained that this way would be cheaper than going to a cake shop. SIL said yes please, my Mum offered to make it at cost price as a favour to relatives (although my parents and in laws don't particularly know each other well and have only met once or twice).

It then turned out that the cake needed to be huge (over 150 portions) and so more of a 3 tiered wedding cake size. Mum priced it as £120 (the cost of materials, icing, cake boards etc), DH and
I offered to pay £50 towards the cost. This is much more than we'd normally spend on a present but we figured that it was a significant birthday. SIL happy with this arrangement.

Mum made the cake, it took her about four days of intense, full-time work as was intricately decorated, it looked absolutely amazing, tasted great and very well received by everyone. However, at the party itself SIL kept saying 'thank you so much to you and your mum for the cake' as if the whole thing was a gift. BIL was also very grateful. Party was over a week ago and no offer of money has been made. As I didn't want my Mum to be out of pocket, we've paid her the full amount (our £50 plus another £70) and pretended it was from SIL.

But what should we do about chasing up the £70? My DH wants to have a word with his sister as he feels the arrangements were very clear and she's being a bit cheeky. I worry that this could cause a 'thing' in the family. SIL is lovely, so I think (hope!) this is a genuine oversight rather than CFery but it's all just very awkward. WWYD?

OP posts:
BarbaraOcumbungles · 24/06/2018 10:12

Let him send her a message saying that he’s going to be seeing MIL this afternoon and he’ll pop over and collect the £70 on his way there... or something.

Veterinari · 24/06/2018 10:13

Let you DH speak to his sister. It’s prob just an oversight but she needs reminding

Adambarlow · 24/06/2018 10:14

So? You’ve let them take it as a get without correct. Suck it up.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 24/06/2018 10:14

Let DH deal with his sister. If he thinks she's pulling a fast one then he''s probably right.

ItDoesMyHeadIn · 24/06/2018 10:16

I doubt you can forget you owe someone £70 it sounds like she's taking the piss to be honest. Just text her.

Slartybartfast · 24/06/2018 10:16

speak to your sil, or probably better, ask dh to speak to his sister.

Singlenotsingle · 24/06/2018 10:17

Send a bill/invoice?

Rocinante1 · 24/06/2018 10:19

The arrangement was clear. Do not stop your husband speaking to his sister.

Singlenotsingle · 24/06/2018 10:19

Can she do me one? Sounds like a bargain at £120

PinkHeart5914 · 24/06/2018 10:19

If I could afford it I really couldn’t be bothered for £70 and I’d just forget about it tbh. However if you do need the money then you’ll have to ask for it

pasturesgreen · 24/06/2018 10:19

Let your DH get on with it, I agree contacting SIL would be a good idea.

FuckPants · 24/06/2018 10:20

Send a bill/invoice?

To your own SIL? Hmm

Just let your DH speak to her.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 24/06/2018 10:20

How did you explain to her that she needed to supplement the £50 you were giving towards the cake? Were you absolutely, crystal clear? If she's a decent person normally that would probably mean there's been a misunderstanding rather than she's trying to pull a fast one. And it sounds as though she has been very grateful for what she has mistakenly seen as your gift...

DaphneDiligaf · 24/06/2018 10:20

If she has no idea about cake making I doubt she expected "mates rates" to come to £150.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/06/2018 10:21

They agreed you’d ask her to make it as it would be cheaper than a shop, not free.

Don’t feel awkward about it, assume the thanks at the party was for doing it at short notice and a family discount. You’re not causing anything by following it up as you haven’t had the money yet. Get DH to tell hi sister he needs the money owed and will expect it in the next day or two. If they don’t cough up then they’re not nice and they’ll be the ones causing an issue.

RestingBitchFaced · 24/06/2018 10:21

Let DH deal with her, it's his sister

CoffeeOrSleep · 24/06/2018 10:22

Let him ask his sister. He knows the relationship better than you.

It's also worth thinking if you don't ask and each time you meet up, you sit there thinking she's a cheeky fucker who's ripped you off, that will cause tension in the family, and you are being unfair not giving her a chance to fix it before that happens.

StillNoClue · 24/06/2018 10:22

Did you tell SIL her share was £70?, if you've not mentioned money at all she may have assumed that it was a freebie.

If you've not mentioned money at all she may have assumed your mum was doing her a favour despite the level of work and time that went into making the cake

If I was SIL I would have probably asked how much your mum wanted, even if I wasn't sure if it was a freebie or not.

Juells · 24/06/2018 10:23

Your DH has offered to sort it, so why would you not let him get on with it?

straw56565 · 24/06/2018 10:25

SIL knows full well she was supposed to pay, she can't be that dim. She's probably hoping you and your mum would think it was your idea to gift the cake.

TBF though, I had no idea a cake would cost that much to make so she probably doesn't either.

BlueJava · 24/06/2018 10:26

Personally I'd let it go because it has the potential to be "a thing". But if you need themoney let your DH deal with it (it's his sister) and keep out of it!

flippyfloppyflower · 24/06/2018 10:26

I agree this is one for your husband to sort out. She might have been so stressed about the whole thing that she genuinely forgot about it. Hopefully once reminded she will readily pay.

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theymademejoin · 24/06/2018 10:26

I don't think thanking you like that necessarily means she thought it was a gift. More that you got her out of a hole and she appreciated it. That said, she should have paid so just let dh remind her. There's no need for drama.

AForegoneConclusion · 24/06/2018 10:27

Just ask her outright. No faffing about with invoices, pick up the phone OR text if you feel awkward. 'Hi SIL, we had a great time at the party! Was nice seeing everyone. Your share of the cake bill is £70, DH and I have paid the rest. Please could you send this over ASAP so I can pay my mum. See you soon'

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 24/06/2018 10:30

Just let your DH deal with it, it’s his sister

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