Separated parents and social media

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

This is more of a who is being unreasonable...

Mum has a new partner. Dad has a new partner. Relationship between mum and dad was short, child born while they were no longer a couple. Dad has been through family court as mum denied access for many months.

Mum and her new partner post photos of child on social media. Pictures including new partner holding child, pictures of her new family with partner holding the child (mum, partner and the 3 children they have between them). These pictures are on mum's and her partners social media accounts and are public pictures.

Dad posts pictures of child on social media. Pictures are of child, or of dad holding child while new partner and children are sat next to them. Mum reports them and they get removed with no right to reply for dad.

So mum and her partner are allowed to post pictures of child on social media.

Dad is not.

Obviously people have opinions on child photos on social media, so please don't debate that here (it's been done to death!).

Who is being unreasonable? And why?

I'm asking because I am struggling to see mum's objections given her own posting history. Both parents have blocked each other FYI, but it's easy to start a new account to find the other person.....

[stepmumlife]

Privacy settings should be tighter so that neither could possibly see anything that's posted on the others accounts??

[ChangeIsHard]

Your partner should speak to his lawyer and see about getting some agreement, it should either be a free for all for both parents or for neither parent.

[NomNomNomNom]

On what grounds was Dad's photos reported and taken down? It doesn't make any sense.

[WeShouldBeFriends]

Does Dad have parental responsibility?

[pacempercutiens]

They both are being unreasonable, it sounds like it's going to end up with the poor child in the middle of their games.

[C0untDucku1a]

Tighter facebook privacy is needed.

[elliejjtiny]

Mum ibu.

It's ok to post photos of your dc on line and tell great aunt Margaret that she can't. But the dad is different and has equal rights to mum.

[Fruitcorner123]

Dad should complain about mums photos too. Probably best neither of you post photos. You can set up a group with just relevant fanily members not everything has to be public.

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

The pictures on mum's and her partners are the profile, cover and feature photos.

Dad's are the cover and profile photo.

You can report a photo of a child. Facebook will delete it if you send a photo of a birth certificate, and write the name and age of a child, and a sentence saying it's your child basically. They don't look in to it. They take it at face value, and delete it with no right of reply for the other parent.

After the 3rd deletion Dad tried the reporting process on a picture but didn't actually finalise the report - to see exactly what Facebook require to delete a picture. And it's as above.

Mum has raised it with a social worker previously, and the social worker advised her that dad has the same rights as her to post.

Dad has PR.

[BewareOfDragons]

Is dad on the birch certificate? Does he have parental responsibility?

On the face of it, mum is being very unreasonable.

I think dad needs to consult with his solicitor.

[WorraLiberty]

Dad's are the cover and profile photo.

So he just needs to change those two photos then.

[VanGoghsDog]

It's not easy to start a new account and find them - my account can only be found by 'friends of friends', I've made it undiscoverable by email address or phone number, he needs to do that. And until I have accepted a friend request there's nothing to see on my profile except my photo.

He can presumably report her posts in the same way she is reporting his, if he wants to stoop to that. Though I'm not sure I understand on what basis the photos are being removed.

But really, he can take photos and keep them on his own PC, there's no reason to keep putting them up on social media, no-one cares.

[mamamagellanic]

It's none of your business.

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

Me and him have spent a week trying every googleable way to hide profiles. It's no longer possible. Trust me on this. I also remember a time when you could be not searchable. If you look at your settings now, you can only change your friend request settings to everyone or friends of friends. You can't change your search visability.

We've both changed names. You can still find the profiles under the original names. Additionally, if she can remember our friends names, she can find us through anythibg we have ever liked or commented on publicly.

It is VERY difficult to untangle social media once someone has been a friend with you or has stalked your profile enough.

Worra, why?

[WorraLiberty]

Why? Because those are the only two public photos.

All the rest will be set for friends only to view, so it doesn't matter.

Also, it's still perfectly possible to remove your names from the search engines/set your accounts so only friends of friends can add you/set messages so only those on your friend lists can contact you.

[WorraLiberty]

Additionally, if she can remember our friends names, she can find us through anythibg we have ever liked or commented on publicly.

Doesn't matter because she won't be able to view your photos, as they'll be set to friends only won't they?

Hence the removal of the kids from the profile and cover

[Raven88]

They both need to grow up tbh.

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

He shouldn't need to. If he wants to, sure. But deleting his own pictures to appease someone who isn't willing to do the same courtesy just feels ridiculously controlling.

He wouldn't report hers or his. He has no objection to them.

He has all those settings in your last paragraph.

[moodance]

Chose your battles ... this isn't one.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Either they both get to post pictures of the DC or neither do. And the social worker who may or may not know has said both. Facebook itself seems clear on the process to get photos removed so if he’s appealed then there’s not much you can do. Which sucks.

It is your business. And she has no more rights to the child or to post photos of them than does. She’s being ridiculous.

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

Moondance, I'm trying to understand her perspective. I just can't get my head around her issue.

Hence the post.

However, there are much larger battles to be fought, you're right. At the moment, this is one piece of the jigsaw I am wishing to get a bigger understanding of in order to talk to Dad about.

[HollowTalk]

Why doesn't he report the photos on hers, then, if she's done that to him? I know it's tit-for-tat, but that would really piss me off.

[carefreeeee]

Just tell dad to come off social media and then it won't bother him. He can show the photos to people in person when he sees them - much more fun.
Also tell him not to get dragged into this kind of trivial argument - he needs to get on with the mother of his child otherwise the child will suffer.

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

It's very tempting, but it won't do him any favours.

He's having to go back to court for enforcement after she broke the order over contact on fathers day (and other breaches of the order) . He needs to be the bigger person.

The two are very different people. He would never act in the way she has.