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To think this is NOT a normal mother son relationship?

(53 Posts)
YorkshireTea90 Sat 23-Jun-18 22:09:27

Just that really. Been with DH for 8 years, mil is constantly here, nearly everyday. If they're not together, they're constantly texting.

Messages like " what did you eat today?", "what you've been up to?" At first I just thought they were just really close, but now I'm questioning it.

She tells him everything, when she was with her partner she would tell him every time they had an argument. I would know because he'd say "mum is coming round today, she had an argument with X.."

One time she wasn't speaking to her partner, and she told DH it was because he wanted sex the other night, and she wasn't in the mood.

AIBU to think this is not a normal mother son relationship?

DragonSnaps Sat 23-Jun-18 22:10:43

It does sound a bit intense to me.

ShawshanksRedemption Sat 23-Jun-18 22:14:06

It's not normal for many, but it depends on their dynamic eg if he's an only child and and his mum brought him up single-handed with no dad on the scene. Or if there were others family members, he was a sickly child and she spent a lot of time constantly worrying over him. Therefore their intensity was one of need and is now one of habit.

Dragongirl10 Sat 23-Jun-18 22:14:36

No not normal, why have you put up with this /him for 8 YEARS......!!!

Allthatglittersisgold Sat 23-Jun-18 22:15:30

Was she a single mum and him an only child growing up?

I think texting back and forth is fine. Talking about sex....nono!

TisNowt Sat 23-Jun-18 22:16:24

I think there are plenty of Mother and daughter relationship that are like this.

Fruitcorner123 Sat 23-Jun-18 22:17:17

not normal but you have put up with it for 8 years and married him at some point. not sure what the point of questioning it now is.

YorkshireTea90 Sat 23-Jun-18 22:18:04

@ShawshanksRedemption he's got two older sisters, but his mum is closer to him than she is to her daughters. And yes she brought him up on her own. But she has no social life at all, she spends her time at our house or her daughters. Other than that she stays home.

YorkshireTea90 Sat 23-Jun-18 22:20:09

@Fruitcorner123 I was stupid and young, I married him without getting to know him properly.

I don't understand why you'd speak about sex to your adult son hmm

ShawshanksRedemption Sat 23-Jun-18 22:20:40

She has a partner, so must've met him somewhere socially?

How does your DH feel about it all? If he's fine with it then I don't think it'll change and you have to accept it.

Greenyogagirl Sat 23-Jun-18 22:22:40

My mum and me are like this, I hope my son and I remain close as he grows up (however without the complaining about sex etc)

YorkshireTea90 Sat 23-Jun-18 22:23:23

@ShawshanksRedemption he's fine with it and doesn't understand what the fuss is about hmm, tbh I think he's just so used to it it's normal for him.

She met him online and the relationship lasted 12 months.

Dobbythesockelf Sat 23-Jun-18 22:23:58

Well it sounds intense and not something I could cope with however if your dh is ok with It, and it's normal for him I doubt there is anything you can do.

Piffle11 Sat 23-Jun-18 22:28:21

I don't think it's usual - I think 'not normal' makes it sound … well, you know. I wouldn't dream of talking to any of my children about my sex life: I never wanted to know about my DM's and I have no intention of discussing mine! But if your DH is ok with it, then I don't see a problem. Yes, it's not usual, but as long as neither of them is getting upset about it, then I don't think it should be a problem for you. Just ask him not to share any info with you!!

ThePeasantsAreAtTheGates Sat 23-Jun-18 22:28:47

Aargh! This winds me up so much. So many parents living vicariously through their children. You have children, they grow up, they have their own lives (with you very much on the sidelines). She needs to get a life. Parents like this are emotional leeches and pathetic IMO.

SleepFreeZone Sat 23-Jun-18 22:31:32

I think it sounds nice confused

Anon12345ABC Sat 23-Jun-18 22:32:08

I'd find it utterly suffocating and I wouldn't be able to put up with it. I got annoyed when MIL got huffy because DH didn't contact her whilst we were on holiday.

HollowTalk Sat 23-Jun-18 22:34:17

I'm trying to imagine what he is meant to reply in answer to the sex complaint.

Leeds2 Sat 23-Jun-18 22:38:59

I would certainly find that an unusual relationship.

I would be very worried as to what personal info he was sharing with her.

Brieonabagel Sat 23-Jun-18 22:41:47

Has she any daughters? I would discuss this stuff with a daughter but not a son confused

Kewcumber Sat 23-Jun-18 22:41:54

Was she a single mum and him an only child growing up?

Bugger off! People have an od idea of what single mum's with an only sone beahve like! I'm single with a 12 year old and I don;t text him (or ask him) what he had for lunch now - I certaily don;t plan on starting when he gets older.

I thinkthat is weirdly involved.

My mum was very involved in my life as she provided a lot of childcare for me so I saw her everyday and even took her on holiday with us - no discussion of sex or her asking me what I had for lunch!

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname Sat 23-Jun-18 22:42:08

Tell him the fact he discusses sex with his dm is dampening your sex drive....

G1ngerpig Sat 23-Jun-18 22:45:57

He needs to read the Toxic Parents book by Susan Forward - he is currently only existing as an extension of his mum. Or maybe you could read it first? It's a fascinating book.

QTQueer Sat 23-Jun-18 22:48:42

Wow this makes me sad. I hope my future daughter in laws don't feel like I shouldn't be close to my sons. Is it a problem because he's a Man? If a daughter called her mum everyday I doubt there would be uproar. It sounds lovely.

Skydiving Sat 23-Jun-18 22:50:23

Oh god the woman is not in her right mind.
What is it with obsessive Mils and their sons?
Do you two have any dc of your own. If not wonder what she will be like if you have a baby. I would bet it would step up a gear even more.

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