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To despair at how helpless some people are

(442 Posts)
ThankYouVeryMuch Sat 23-Jun-18 20:22:28

You see it on here all the time, poster says they’re in a difficult situation and lots of people respond with sensible advice and details of organisations they can call for help and there’s always a reason why they can’t ask for help.

I saw a job at a local hair salon advertised on Facebook, 1 person posted “interested” underneath so the salon owner responds with their contact details (that were in the ad) and asks for a cv and the person responds “I don’t have a cv, nevermind” or someone else put on my local Facebook group saying she was new to the area and asking if there were any new mums in the local area, so I responded that there was a lovely, free mum and baby group in her village the next day and I knew the organiser so if she wanted to go along I’d make sure she got a warm welcome, and the response was “I can’t go to a baby group, what if none of the other mums speak to me”

Some people just seem as if the world owes them something and they should get what they want without putting in any effort.

lulu12345 Sat 23-Jun-18 20:29:21

I totally agree, I just can't understand the mentality of these people. I wonder what causes it.. i think it must be in part related to the overprotective parenting trend that's been reported in the papers recently.

QuoadUltra Sat 23-Jun-18 20:31:34

Yeah, I agree people can be pathetic.

However, I also know there are times when choosing between tea or coffee has felt beyond me, so I cut people slack.

Bananalanacake Sat 23-Jun-18 20:34:52

Interesting discussion. Could it be to do with over protective parents doing everything for their dc. My example is an ex dp taking all his washing for his mum to do. He didn't live with her and had a washing machine in his house. He was just lazy.

AnalUnicorn Sat 23-Jun-18 20:40:11

I think many people lack confidence and/or social skills. But shutting themselves away from the world by avoiding situations they are not comfortable with is not going to help them.

Unfortunately the current culture is that you “don’t make anyone do anything they are uncomfortable with”, and this is the inevitable outcome.

RickyGold Sat 23-Jun-18 20:41:52

Frustrates me too, yes we are not dealt the same hand in life but we have control over how we play our cards, frustrates me also how others are almost encouraging of people not pushing against circumstance.

ThankYouVeryMuch Sat 23-Jun-18 20:42:37

@Bananalanacake I wonder if it is to do with overbearing parents, mine said I was always very independent from a young age and they never did anything for me, if I wanted something they’d support me but I had to do the hard work myself.

NewYearNewMe18 Sat 23-Jun-18 20:46:28

People have lost the ability to assess and take risk. The whole world is one big giant bubble wrapped ball.

kello Sat 23-Jun-18 20:46:30

Agree, on my local Facebook page there are often posts from mothers looking for work for their adult (twenties) children. Nothing would put me off employing someone more than their parents job hunting for them. No wonder some people are used to being spoon fed every little thing.

Bananalanacake Sat 23-Jun-18 20:48:24

Yes I think you're right. There was a good thread over a year ago about parents doing everything for their adult kids, they never got a chance to do anything themselves and it was stifling and controlling.

AForegoneConclusion Sat 23-Jun-18 20:48:35

I agree. My gran has a good bout of the martyrs -I swear she just loves being miserable. You can give her fifty thousand solutions to a problem and she has an answer for every single one as to why she can't possibly do that. She will then continue to moan about the problem and how hard her life is until the next problem comes along. Absolutely adore her, but frustrates the life out of me. I have a friend who enjoys being feeble. She can't POSSIBLY go to Ikea without her husband! What it she can't park?! What if she gets confused at the checkout?! She is perfectly capable and NOT anxious, she just likes to be looked after.

HildaZelda Sat 23-Jun-18 20:49:32

They're only 'helpless' because they know someone else will always do it for them. DH has a 'helpless' brother. He's 53 hmm

wibblywobblyfish Sat 23-Jun-18 20:51:42

Frustrates me too. I'm trying to fill some vacancies at work and when I call them in for an interview I get all sorts of quite lame excuses - as in having a eyetest booked at that time or they ask me which bus they need to take to get them there etc. If you want the job (bearing in mind they have applied for it, not forced) you cancel anything non life threatening and make your own way there surely?!

NewYearNewMe18 Sat 23-Jun-18 20:53:07

The threads that really make me go really hmm are the ones that go …. "I'm going to Aldi/Lidl, what should I buy?" … seriously, you got to 47 years of age and you don't know how to shop in a supermarket?
Christ on a bike Either that or it's code for "look at me, shopping with the poor people" .

lulu12345 Sat 23-Jun-18 20:53:23

The local Facebook pages seem to be the worst for this.. as a PP said mine is full of mothers looking for work for their university age children. I can see the temptation from the parents' point of view (especially if the child is being lazy or disorganised) but surely this does the opposite of build independent and resilience in the child.

ThankYouVeryMuch Sat 23-Jun-18 20:56:09

I don’t think of myself as a particularly confident person, I’ve got a quiet voice and people often have to ask me to repeat myself and I’m not very good at small talk, but I understand that if I want outcome Z then I have to do X and Y to get there, I’m just never sure what these people expect to happen other than someone saying I’ve waved my magic wand and made the problem go away.

Ploppymoodypants Sat 23-Jun-18 21:04:15

Yep, as someone who used to work in recruitment, nothing would make me reject a potential applicant or CV faster than ‘their mum’ asking for them. We had vacancies at one place and I remember A mum coming in and asking for her son, I told her that someone who would allow his mum to job hunt on his behalf was not the sort of quality what we were looking for in our staff. She looked completely baffled by this (I did check he didn’t have any disabilities requiring reasonable adjustments or support first, as that might be the only reasonable excuse).

ThankYouVeryMuch Sat 23-Jun-18 21:10:38

Wow, I can’t believe that parents actually apply for jobs on their adult children’s behalf?? How could anyone ever think that’s ok, it sounds like the plot of a bad sitcom!

MereDintofPandiculation Sat 23-Jun-18 21:11:54

I think many people lack confidence and/or social skills. But shutting themselves away from the world by avoiding situations they are not comfortable with is not going to help them. On the other hand, people nowadays are much less tolerant of lack of social skills, much more ready to be upset and less likely to say "he/she didn't mean it, they're just not much good at expressing themselves". So coupled with ones fear of social interaction is the fear that you'll unintentionally upset someone. I think it's much more difficult than it used to be for someone without social skills to try to learn them by interacting with other people, and there are far fewer jobs around for such people to hide themselves in.

lulu12345 Sat 23-Jun-18 21:12:38

I remember representing my firm at a graduate recruitment fair c. 15 years ago and being gobsmacked to see one poor chap being led to the stand by his mother, who proclaimed him to be very intelligent, hard working etc. I gave them both the spiel while the son stood there looking cowed and mortified - the whole time I was talking to them I was thinking he had no chance of getting a job with us if his mum had to do this for him. That has stuck in mind for 15 years as being so surprising at the time.

Oakmaiden Sat 23-Jun-18 21:13:15

I accompanied my son to ask about his first job. But I did make him do the actual asking. And he was only 13 and asking for a paper round. I helped him work out what he was supposed to be doing the first two days too.

Now, 10 weeks later, he gets himself up early in the morning and trots off happily on his own to get it all done before school.

LighthouseSouth Sat 23-Jun-18 21:15:18

I read in a psych journal (abbreviation)

"The advantage of not doing anything is not doing anything - that person usually has someone who will do it for them".

At uni - talking years ago - I had a couple of hapless people like that to shake off, and I think they went through life expecting their partners to do everything for them. I don't know if it's become more widespread or not.

Random thing that bugs me - I know someone who will never Google anything, so if you chat via text with her, she asks "what's that" if she misses a reference. I now just don't answer that bit, I'm not a search engine!

Ploppymoodypants Sat 23-Jun-18 21:16:19

Oakmaiden - perfect training for the next generation of the workforce. Thank goodness for parents like you. Your son might not thank you now, but he will later on.

ThankYouVeryMuch Sat 23-Jun-18 21:17:14

@Oakmaiden I think at 13 it’s probably ok to go with him, if you’re still doing it when he’s 18 then something’s gone wrong 😂

Oakmaiden Sat 23-Jun-18 21:18:30

He is very fond of being paid. smile

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