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Am I crazy or should I be worried?

(302 Posts)
flydojd Sat 23-Jun-18 17:51:02

I can't actually believe I am writing this, I've been with my fiance for eight years and always trusted him. We've had our problems, but I've never thought he would cheat or anything like that.

He has a rather unusual hobby (can't say what it is as it's so unsual it would be outing), which takes up 2-3 weekends a month. Sometimes he has to travel around the country for it, which means he's away for the whole weekend. This used to be rare, but now it's happening more and more often.

This weekend he's away. He left very early in the morning, and he's staying overnight in a Travelodge (he says). He says he's staying in the same room with a man who also does this hobby. What's really odd is the Travelodge is only 15 miles away. He said he's staying over as there's no point coming back for the night, but the hobby activities finished at about 4pm.

I'm finding this really, really odd, and confronted him about why he's staying at the hotel. He said it's easier for everyone, but I just don't get it?

Wow, maybe I sound crazy. I think this is more of a problem because our sex life has been very infrequent over the last year (once a month or so). I don't even know what I think he's doing, I just think it's odd he's staying at the hotel and questioning everything. Am I insane? Should I push this further with him?

HollowTalk Sat 23-Jun-18 17:53:08

Is he definitely at the Travelodge? Does he pay via his online banking and can you check that?

HollowTalk Sat 23-Jun-18 17:53:33

Why would he pay to share a room with a bloke when he could come home?

flydojd Sat 23-Jun-18 17:55:01

@hollowtalk he says it's Travelodge. I'm going just on what he tells me :/

flydojd Sat 23-Jun-18 17:55:50

He also has his own bank account (we have a joint account and then separate ones for ourselves)

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname Sat 23-Jun-18 17:57:09

Turn up.

Ring him when you get there.

TheFirstMrsOsmond Sat 23-Jun-18 17:59:04

Could you drive to the Travelodge and settle the issue of whether he really is there or not once and for all? His car will be in the car park if he is.

LockedOutOfMN Sat 23-Jun-18 18:01:08

Are they going to have a boozy/fun dinner/drinks that go on until really late?

Stephisaur Sat 23-Jun-18 18:02:02

It’s weird, but there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation. They could be having drinks etc on the night, which he wouldn’t want to be excluded from just because he has to get home.

I agree with PP though. Go to the hotel and see if his car is there.

HollowTalk Sat 23-Jun-18 18:02:13

I'd definitely be doing a drive-by to see whether his car's there.

araiwa Sat 23-Jun-18 18:02:40

Remember a recent thread similar in nature

Take a boatload of salt about advice received here- that op completely humiliated herself

Emma198 Sat 23-Jun-18 18:03:06

Maybe he just wants to get drunk

FaithEverPresent Sat 23-Jun-18 18:04:58

How far is it from home? And is the activity physical? I can understand him wanting to stay over if he’s travelled miles, been very active. Could be nice to unwind and have a few beers then travel home the next morning after a good kip, especially if things are a bit strained at home...but equally I do believe in trusting your instincts. Do you have any other reason to be suspicious?

byanyothernamerose Sat 23-Jun-18 18:05:44

He may just want to carry on the banter with his mates after the hobby finishes? It could be something else but what does your gut tell you? Be honest with yourself and then see if there is more evidence before considering confronting...

Lilacwine1 Sat 23-Jun-18 18:06:02

You don't think this friend is his "Best Friend" do you?

LastOneDancing Sat 23-Jun-18 18:06:13

I'd assume they're all having drinks or whatever after, which he wants to stay for. But if so, why doesn't he just say?

Is it just him & the guy? Do you think they're going out on the pull?

flydojd Sat 23-Jun-18 18:08:40

I don't think they're going out drinking, it's just the two of them apparently (everyone else went home and most people are only going tomorrow's event).

The only reason I have to be suspicious is he's very secretive with social media/his phone/computer. He goes mad if I touch it and always locks his computer.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname Sat 23-Jun-18 18:09:00

Stephasaur the perfectly reasonable thing would be to tell the truth then....

flydojd Sat 23-Jun-18 18:10:01

It's 15 miles away.

It's not the kind of place people would go out on the pull (if they're even at the place he says)

toolonglurking Sat 23-Jun-18 18:14:10

I drive 15 miles to the local shop (rural living!) so I can't believe anyone would want to pay to stay in a hotel for the sake of not driving 15 miles.

Littletinyraindrops Sat 23-Jun-18 18:15:44

15 miles is nothing for a 4pm finish, so I'd probably be turning up to say hello and have a quick drink, especially if he's been acting suspiciously too.

Lifeisabeach09 Sat 23-Jun-18 18:16:02

Trust your instincts.
I find it weird he is so secretive about his social media especially as you've been together 8 years.

Banana8080 Sat 23-Jun-18 18:16:48

Very weird, something it up - no idea what.

When my suspicions have been raised the FBI couldn’t compete - investigate!

byanyothernamerose Sat 23-Jun-18 18:16:51

Protective over his social media/phone etc...classic sign really...again, I'd be looking a little closer and see if there is anything to be found out...

SongforSal Sat 23-Jun-18 18:16:55

Sorry. This sounds very suspicious OP. For reference, I work and socialise 15miles from my home. Think my Dp would find it very odd if I booked a random night in a travel lodge rather than make a short taxi trip home. I'd turn up early evening and meet him. See what on earth he is hiding.

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