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To be fuming with DP

(58 Posts)
Peonylover123 Sat 23-Jun-18 15:26:58

To start with, DP is not an alcoholic, not alcohol dependent etc

My issue is my DP doesn’t seem to realise what amount of alcohol will put him over the legal limit. Every Friday after work he has 2 beers and drives home. He’s quite thin and doesn’t eat that much during the day except crisps and chocolate. He always says he’s fine and can even have a third if he eats something but these beers are consumed in under 2 hours usually.

Right now he’s been in a pub waiting for his car to be fixed. He’s on his third pint and all he’s had to eat is some bacon and sausages 4 hours ago. I am fuming.

I end up being a nag or told I’m coming controlling but I think he’s putting someone’s life at risk as well as his own. Plus any form of DUI will instantly mean he can’t do his job and will lose his right to do his job (discredit to the profession, integrity etc)

Any advice? Am I being OTT?

GertrudeCB Sat 23-Jun-18 15:36:54

Yanbu, he is being an idiot.

Handsfull13 Sat 23-Jun-18 15:39:11

Buy a home breathalyser kit so you can prove to him that he's being an idiot. Remind him he'll loose his license and is risking other lives.

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb Sat 23-Jun-18 15:39:14

Yanbu. He is being a twat.

toolonglurking Sat 23-Jun-18 15:41:16

He is being a complete dick. Buy him a breathalyser and tell him to stop being such a selfish arse hole.

Jeezoh Sat 23-Jun-18 15:41:25

My advice? Call the police and report him when you know he’s on his way home. But then I’ve got no time for anyone who drink drives.

Janek Sat 23-Jun-18 15:44:03

he is wrong, particularly if you mean two pints when you say 'two beers'. a unit of alcohol is 10ml, so a pint of 3.5% beer is two units. a stronger beer will be more. it takes your body approximately an hour to process a unit of alcohol, irrespective of how much you have had to eat.

you could get those home breath tests for him to use to prove he's over the limit. he really is being very silly. and dangerous.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo Sat 23-Jun-18 15:46:12

I would like to introduce him to my cousin’s children. There are 3 of them. They watched their father die trapped in their family car because another man, like your DH, thought his need to drink was more important than my cousins need to live to raise his children. Yes they have a mother to raise them however the “accident” hmm has left her disabled for life so she finds it hard to raise three grieving children alone.

Peonylover123 Sat 23-Jun-18 15:50:48

Thank you for you’re replies - I agree with them all. I Find drink driving disgusting but DP doesn’t think he is.

Breathalyser it is...!

Peonylover123 Sat 23-Jun-18 15:51:25

Your* (sorry for typos but on the phone and web app is so glitchy!)

Fluffyears Sat 23-Jun-18 15:52:35

He’s a selfish arse and I just hope when he crashes whilst over the limit he is the only one involved and he doesn’t destroy other lives. I’ve seen the aftermath it’s fucking horrific!

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 23-Jun-18 16:05:34

Breathalyser is an excellent idea.

I don’t see my brother anymore but he will drink 3 pints over a couple of hours and then drive. I vowed the next time I’d report him. But as we no longer see eachother, there isn’t going to be a next time.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight Sat 23-Jun-18 16:06:52

Can you go and pick the car up so he doesn't drive it home?

Tell him you will report him next time you believe he is about to do it, and mean it.

Olddear Sat 23-Jun-18 16:07:05

Where is he? I'll phone the police for you.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight Sat 23-Jun-18 16:08:25

And actually, not being able to refrain from drinking - indeed having multiple drinks - when he knows he is going to drive shortly afterwards does point to an alcohol problem. You don't need to be having vodka for breakfast to have one.

Fluffypinkpyjamas Sat 23-Jun-18 16:12:22

I’d call the police and report him. He’s disgusting. You can stop him killing /harming someone. I suggest you do.

Kursk Sat 23-Jun-18 16:14:47

As you pointed out calling the police isn’t practical as I assume it would jeopardize the family financial stability, and it wouldn’t be sensible to do that.

I would get a breathalyzer kit and use it demonstrated experiment.

The number of people round her who drive WHILE drinking amazes me. I got a lift from a stranger when my quad bike broke down miles from anywhere. The nice guy who picked me up was chain drinking cans of Budweiser from a box on the back seat.

bsbabas Sat 23-Jun-18 19:44:12

Tell him to get him a taxi home

Olddear Sat 23-Jun-18 19:46:38

...jeapordise the family financial stability

Let him kill another wage earner instead.

SoddingUnicorns Sat 23-Jun-18 19:48:00

Tell him to get him a taxi home

This. Drunk drivers are the scum of the fucking earth.

As you pointed out calling the police isn’t practical as I assume it would jeopardize the family financial stability, and it wouldn’t be sensible to do that

And if he drunkenly smashes up a family car, killing or maiming the breadwinner? Or kills their children? Sensible is not getting drunk and then getting in a car, sensible is not condoning someone you know doing it.

I sincerely hope that whoever is fixing his car has more gumption than OP and the minute he gets in it, reports him for drunk driving.

Rocinante1 Sat 23-Jun-18 19:52:42

How are you going to feel if/when he smashes into another car, or runs a red light, or mounts the pavement, or hits a cyclist... and someone dies.

You know it's happening, so you are just as responsible. Call the police. You've chosen an irresponsible idiot to spend your life with, but there's time to change that. Your financial stability, his right to do his job... none of that matters when he is on the road drunk every night after work. Everyone says "it won't happen to us" but it does happen - people drink, crash and kill someone.

He's been doing it for so long that you buying a breathalyser will not make a difference. He thinks he is fine to drive, so he will keep driving unless he kills someone. Call the police next time, give them the car details and the details of his route home. Or have them wait to meet him when he parks up. If you don't and he kills someone then it's on you too.

SoddingUnicorns Sat 23-Jun-18 19:56:16

You know it's happening, so you are just as responsible

In literally every other example I could think of I’d be shouting that a woman isn’t responsible for the actions of her man. But this, I wholeheartedly agree with.

You are enabling his illegal, selfish and bloody dangerous behaviour OP. If you don’t report him you are complicit.

Kursk Sat 23-Jun-18 20:27:57

The number of people on MN who would willingly report a close family member to the police is amazing. It’s like Germany in the 1930’s. Although I do wonder how many would report in the real world.

Personally for me police and government have no place in the family environment. Any issues should be handled internally.

SoddingUnicorns Sat 23-Jun-18 20:30:40

@Kursk even if it was putting someone’s life at risk? I’m willing to bet if your life was directly affected by a drunk driver enabled by family your attitude would change.

Oh and I have reported a family member for driving when they shouldn’t. Because their selfish arrogance isn’t a reason to put lives at risk. If that makes me a cunt, so be it. I’d still do it again. And I told him to his face that I’d done it, and why.

Rocinante1 Sat 23-Jun-18 20:32:06


Drink driving on a public road with other road users, pedestrians, playpark he could plough into... That is not a family issue to be dealt with internally. He has taken his problem drinking and thrust it into a public environment. He is putting people outside of himself and family at risk. It is not a family matter. Its a public safety concern.

Drink drivers are scum - lowest of the low along with murderers, rapists and abusers. They know what their actions can lead too but they make a choice to do it anyway. And she's watching as he does it. If he won't listen to her pleading, then he needs to have the shock of an arrest.

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