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To go ahead and quit my job... ??

(29 Posts)
Donatello68 Sat 23-Jun-18 13:28:39

I had been successfully self employed for 10 years. However, during my difficult divorce, I wound my business up for a couple of months to concentrate on the children/divorce/housemove etc. When I set up again, I took whatever clients I could and ended up with some real dodgy characters!

A full time job was advertised locally which seemed perfect and provided financial stability so, I took it. It is a horror story! The bloke that had the job before me worked there for 9 years and they worshipped the ground he walked on. He had left by the time I started so there was no hand over or notes. Everything had been set up his way and was hideously complicated. He didn’t even leave login passwords and there were absolutely no workings for anything!! I have tried my best, working 50 hour weeks but, even now, after 7months, all I get is ‘well when your predecessor was here....’.It is the most demoralising job that I have ever had!! I dread going to work.

I have been offered some more clients to set up on my own again...

I resigned on Friday verbally. The external agent who manages the site and has been pretty evil was more than happy to accept my resignation but, said that I had put it in writing, which I agreed. I have to work 3 months notice. His parting shot was ‘well, you have been fairly good at your job, I suppose!!’ If I wasn’t planning to leave beforehand, I would be after that conversation!!

I had to have a meeting with my immediate boss and the external agent. The external agent completely changed his tune and they said that they wanted me to stay and would change things to keep me??!!! They have asked me to keep my resignation a secret. I suspect that they contacted the bloke who had the job before me and he wouldn’t come back....The ball seems to be in my court. It is difficult as I feel that I have failed and what with the fairly recent divorce, mY self confidence is at an all time low...Shall I just resign?

Aquamarine1029 Sat 23-Jun-18 14:10:48

Just get the hell out of there. There is nothing worse than working at a job that makes you feel horrible. I just quit mine and I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders. Like I've been set free from a lunatics asylum.

Donatello68 Sat 23-Jun-18 14:20:01

Thanks Aquamarine! I have really started to question my judgment. It has knocked the stuffing out of me...

ThistleAmore Sat 23-Jun-18 14:32:38

Totally agree with @Aquamarine - it's astonishing how a bad job can knock your confidence and self-belief, and you don't necessarily realise it at the time, because you develop some weird version of Stockholm Syndrome.

I was fortunately made redundant from an awful job last year (which I was thinking about leaving anyway, but the severance package gave me the luxury of a few months' breathing space).

I actually hadn't realised how it had damaged my nerve until I started a new job a few months ago, and spent the first couple of weeks on a state of high alert.

Fortunately, my new position is with a super company with excellent management, and I was able to explain how I felt and be listened to.

I am actually exceptionally good at what I do (#humblebrag), but it was very affirming to be told that by people who didn't, at that point, know me very well - so they were genuinely impressed, and not just placating me! - and I felt much more able to demonstrate my strengths and do my job to the best of my ability thereafter.

Never underestimate the effect a job can have on your mental health and overall happiness. If you can leave without too much impact on your finances, then please do so.

LookAtThatCritter Sat 23-Jun-18 14:50:33

Life is too short to spend 8 hours a day (at least) somewhere that makes you unhappy!

badgerread Sat 23-Jun-18 14:55:33

I'm so glad I'm not the only one! I've been in a job for 18 months that has completely destroyed my confidence and made me question my ability. I had a dreadful review yesterday in which he gave me a formal warning as my attention to details isn't up to scratch. Because I've made 3 mistakes in 6 months (at no detriment to the company I might add). I can't wait to leave as it really is having a severe effect on my mental health and life in general...

Donatello68 Sat 23-Jun-18 15:01:38

Very true do feel that you need to keep working hard to prove them wrong. I have lost faith that I can go self employed again.

Sorry that you are in the same position Badger. Your company sounds bloody awful. It must destroy your confidence.

Onlyoldontheoutside Sat 23-Jun-18 15:02:49

Is this a job you could change and have you doing a standard 40hrs.?How much of a patriae are they offering to pay you?
Just things to consider while you crank up your own business.But if you're really unhappy leave.

chickenowner Sat 23-Jun-18 15:04:25

I agree with PPs, leave!

There are many other jobs out there, and as you have already said, you can set up on your own again.

No job is worth being made to feel so stressed and unhappy. Work to live, not live to work!

Onlyoldontheoutside Sat 23-Jun-18 15:10:08

That should say payrise .
Also youust be doing your job better than you realise or they wouldn't want to keep you.The balls in your court.
You have run your own business successfully before so deep down you know you can again.Maybe start with a few clients,gain a bit of confidence and then leave your job.And if you do stay at your job don't do the 50hoursflowers

ChorleyFMcominginyourears Sat 23-Jun-18 15:12:32

I had to give notice at my last job, I tried quitting but got the whole contract speech so went to the doctors and got signed off with stress for the whole notice period cos I was so miserable!! I started looking for something else and got a different role in the same sector while I was off and got the job which started after my notice period finished and I absolutely love it! I work more hours now and am actually happy to and when something comes up and they ask me if I fancy overtime I happily take it! They appreciate me and they love how quickly I've picked everything up, next Friday I will get my 3rd wage from this company and I feel so much better about everything, I look forward to work instead of dreading it now and my self confidence has gone from non existent to through the roof! OP only you can decide what to do, whether to see what they suggest in terms of making it easier and better for you or whether to give them the finger, just don't settle for less than you're worth, trust me!!

Sparklesocks Sat 23-Jun-18 15:14:31

My DP is in a similar position - been in a job 3 months with a completely toxic workplace - everyone is overworked and stressed so everyone snipes at each other, he wasn’t given proper training and just expected to pick it up so made mistakes which he was chastised for. He is working 10-12 hour days hasn’t got another job lined up but he needs to get out for the good of his mental health. He will get something else but it’s not worth the stress - we will scrimp if we have to.

Work isn’t everything and its important to take a step back if it’s too much flowers

Donatello68 Sat 23-Jun-18 15:41:17

Blimey Sparkle, that sounds like where I work. It is soul destroying and sucks the life out of you.

Great to hear that it worked out so well for you Chorley.

They haven’t offered a pay rise, Only, just more flexible hours and to offer my assistant more training so that she can help with the work load.

The whole work culture is to work really long hours. They all happily work evenings, weekends and bank holidays. They had a 17 year old trainee in another department and in his first week, they got him to work 75 hours. He left the next week....

ForalltheSaints Sat 23-Jun-18 16:57:49


No job is worth your health, which this would be if you continued.

Sparklesocks Sat 23-Jun-18 17:03:44

Thanks Donatello - he has handed in his notice so already feeling better!

I know it’s scary but agree it’s not worth your health over.

Donatello68 Sat 23-Jun-18 17:06:31

That is really good to hear, Sparkle!! It is only once you take steps to leave that you can see how bad it is!!

grannybiker Sat 23-Jun-18 17:24:14

Considering we spend a huge proportion of our waking hours at work, if it's miserable, then the impact is huge.
It can be very difficult to resign with no secure jib to go to, but nowhere near as awful or demoralising as being in a toxic work environment,

NC4Now Sat 23-Jun-18 17:38:44

I totally understand losing confidence in going self employed. I’m in the same boat, divorce included.
But there’s nothing like having to make it work to motivate you.
I’m teetering between staying and quitting as my department is lovely, but the job is demanding and no better paid.
How easy is it for you to drum up clients? Could you start putting the feelers out now, ahead of leaving?
Good luck.

Donatello68 Sat 23-Jun-18 17:44:55

You are right Granny...

It is tricky NC4Now to make the right decision. A friend has too much work and is happy to hand over a few clients to get me started... It is just the confidence thing...

BristolThenSome Sat 23-Jun-18 18:00:19

Go and don't look back ....onwards and upwards

cashmerecardigans Sat 23-Jun-18 18:24:25

This happened to me, the man before had been there for ever and left me virtually nothing. I thought it would be a brilliant job but it nearly broke me, horrible, horrible toxic environment. I realised early I'd made a terrible mistake and put all my efforts into moving. I got another job and left within 8 months, still can't bear to go anywhere near the place!
It took me a while to forgive myself and realise I couldn't have known when I took the job. It's given me a better understanding of how unwell work can make you, I lost huge amounts of weight very quickly.
If I were you, I'd leave as soon as you can. They were shocked when I said I was leaving, but I felt like I'd taken control back and there was no way I was staying. My career has gone from strength to strength since then, so keep the faith and do what's right for you - you owe them nothing.
Good luck!

Tomselleckhaskindeyes Sat 23-Jun-18 18:30:54

Say your notice still stands but if you see the changes promised you will stay.

Chesntoots Sat 23-Jun-18 18:52:20

I would leave, in your shoes.

I have been in a job over ten years and am only just starting to realise how badly it has affected my heath, both physically and mentally, and also my self-confidence. They treat staff as though we are stupid with no skills whatsoever..

I am completing a degree now so that I can leave.

No job is worth your health, as I have found out to my cost!

Donatello68 Sat 23-Jun-18 19:19:28

Sounds very familiar Cashmere...I thought that after the divorce, everything would settle down!! Doing such long hours, I have hardly seen family and friends for the last few months. It is just not worth it.

cashmerecardigans Sat 23-Jun-18 19:48:21

i literally read your post and thought this was me! The whole experience made me think hard about where I work and I ask questions about the culture at interview. I'm massively relieved I got out of it, it took all my strength to go to an interview and put on my best performance when I was feeling rubbish but it was sort of do or die at that point.
They are probably panicking, don't worry about them , please do what's right for you. It sounds like you've got a brilliant opportunity to start again, do go for it, I'm sure you'll smash it.

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