Doing stuff is such a faff, isn't it? Or am I missing something.

[RantyMare]

I mean, I always end up lugging so much stuff about and It's so involved!

I am speaking about generally, but an example is, me and DP went to a party at an old friend's last night (friend had won a competition to have entertainment and was putting on a local band).

So we're to be there early evening. It's warm here yesterday so I am wearing a maxi dress. It isn't going to be warm later so that's a change of clothes to take. I couldn't face an hour's drive there in warmer clothes. We're staying over at a different friend's who's also attending the party, so I need another change of clothes as well as other 'staying over' stuff like make up and wash bags, toothbrush, hairbrush etc etc. All goes in a holdall.

We're trying to save money so don't want to eat out while away. I pack us some lunch, I don't know if the host friend is providing food and don't want to ask as it seems a bit CF.

So we're driving there and stop off at the supermarket. Get some flowers for the host (I would buy wine but given It's a party Id worry someone else would drink it). Also buy myself some prosecco and DP some beers. More stuff.

As we're staying a different friends (and will be drinking) I wonder if we should put the car there and get a taxi to party or drive to party and get a taxi back to friends and then have to go back to collect car in morning. If we dump car where we're staying It's paying for a taxi whereas we could walk to the car following morning if we put it at the party.

All such a faff! And lots of bags and 'Stuff' to lug about. But I never hear anyone else talk about things like this. In my head, other people would just arrive at their destination breezily in the correct clothes with everything they need and its all effortless...

It was a lovely fun gathering though. It's not a complaint, just wondered if I am doing something wrong or if anyone else ever feels like this!

[NancyDonahue]

Yanbu. Most nights out are a faff, especially if you're trying to save money so you need to factor in food and drink. I often book the theatre or concerts in London and get all excited but then have to decide between staying over or getting return train tickets or taking the car to outside London and staying in a hotel there. We usually need to leave straight from work so have to get everything ready the night before. And you never know what the weather is going to be so you have to pack more stuff. Then have to pack dcs stuff to stay over at grandparents.

Easier to stay home with a box set!

[JellyMouldJnr]

Do you have kids? Faff multiplied by 100 when you have to sort out clothes/food/entertainment for 4 people instead of two, especially when toddlers wander around making more mess while you pack.

[Sunnysidegold]

I was silly and organised two very different events over one weekend about one hundred miles apart. Big mistake. Five thousand items of clothing, food, present, work stuff, wash stuff, shoes for night one, different shoes for night two because it's a different style, trainers for a walk, work shoes, flip flops for the beach. These are all.the shoes I own practically!!

[Tortycat]

sometimes I'd rather not do things than be bothered with all the faff. I used to love being busy with things, but with toddler and preschooler even a picnic in the park is a faff. takes effort even to leave the house!!

[TammySwansonTwo]

Yeah, you don’t have kids do you?

I miss the days where I could say to DH “fancy going out?”, grab my handbag and a coat and just... go. Sigh.

[YayImALlamaAgain]

It’s even day to day life, though! I wanted to take some bottles to the bottle bank today - but DS was just in a nappy and tshirt so I’d need to dress him, arrange his nappy bag ‘just in case’, bring drinks and snacks, cool the car before we get in - and if I’m out I may as well pop into the supermarket so will need carrier for DS, bags, shopping list... so on...

I ended decided to stay at home as I couldn’t be bothered with the faff.

[MargaretCavendish]

I mean... if you write it all out in a long list like that it looks a lot, but it's not actually much faff, is it? I think if putting some stuff in a bag, an hour's drive, making a packed lunch, quickly popping to a supermarket and thinking about where to park a car seem like big challenges to you then the rest of your life is pretty easy!

[MargaretCavendish]

In hindsight, that was a bit unkind of me to say and I'm sorry. But I do think this is a mindset thing, rather than actually having to do something that's lots of hassle!

[SoyDora]

None of that sounds too onerous to me! Packing a bag, going to a supermarket and thinking about logistics for a couple of minutes? That’s all just part and parcel of life.

[GirlfriendInAKorma]

Do you have kids?

[Fevertree]

Agreement with Dora and Margaret. Also surely a maxi dress with a jacket/card over would have been fine for later in the evening?

[SoyDora]

Yeah, if I was wearing a maxi dress I’d just take a jacket to put on over the top in the evening.

[SoftSheen]

Wait until you attempt to go away for a weekend with a baby. Or even just out for coffee

[MrsLandingham]

kissthealderman

[NoSquirrels]

I’m with you, OP.

I love doing stuff. But fucking he’ll if it isn’t easier just to not bother at all.

It’s like when people say they’d only spend 15 minutes cleaning the house, when what they mean is 15 minutes cleaning the house PLUS dishes, a quick hoover, a load of washing, a quick mop, dishes, a quick wipe of the bathroom.

I’m sure it’s mindset. But it feels exhausting to me!

[EssentialHummus]

What they all said! Today with 9m DD:

Change of clothes for her
Spare top for me
Her water
My water
20 toys in various bits of the pram
Dentinox
Calpol
Child's Farm eczema cream
A banana
Quiche
All the rice cakes
Sandwiches for me
Those little Aldi Farley's Rusk knockoffs
Dummy
Four nappies, wipes, nappy bags, etc
A blanket
A jacket
Suncream
Emergency fiver
Sling
Hat
Coffee
Debit card

...and that's before you get to stuff that was in the fucking pram when I went downstairs.

Honestly, I didn't even carry a handbag before I had her.

[MadeleineMaxwell]

Sorry, OP, your title reminds me too much of this not to post it

[diddl]

A change of clothes because it's going to get cooler in the evening?

Never heard of such a thing!

Didn't anyone else used to go out on a night out with spare pants & a toothbrush??

[pictish]

Yes doing stuff is a faff. It does my head in. You don’t need a change of clothes for the evening though...a cardi will suffice.

[MaybeDoctor]

I hear what you are saying and things tend to get easier the more times you do them. I tend to:

Try to plan the extra layers onto the day outfit, so rather than a maxi dress I would have worn trousers or something knee length that would look ok with a jacket later.

Avoid buying flowers on a trip like that - would buy something boxed as then it can be bought in advance and put in your bag or case.

Take a bigger bag/holdall than I need, as then the additional bits I might acquire on the way can go into it and everything is neatly in one place.

Not trying to do too much at once!

[LighthouseSouth]

That's an invite I'd turn down on account of faff.

[ILoveMyDressingGown]

It's warm here yesterday so I am wearing a maxi dress. It isn't going to be warm later so that's a change of clothes to take. I would just take a cardie or something.

I need another change of clothes as well as other 'staying over' stuff like make up and wash bags, toothbrush, hairbrush etc etc. All goes in a holdall. I have a comb in my purse. I don't wear makeup. Spare toothbrush etc is already in a small washbag for just in case. That way you don't have to bother packing it. Apart from pants and socks, if it's not an overly formal do I'd probably just wear what I had on the night before if I'm off home early enough. I hate carrying stuff about for no reason so go as light as possible. I do this for my children as well as myself.

[AntiBi]

Serious question:

Do you think this is gendered?

I only ask as, in my experience, the mental load of all this prep typically falls to the female. My ex just came along for the jolly, really. I got sick of it in the end (hence my ex - and I just went out with the kids).

He still doesn't make an effort. Hasn't taken kids on holiday since (cause of course I was the one prepping and he didn't do anything and now doesn't know how to or can't be arsed).

Yes, it's a faff. YANBU. I like to think that the benefits are greater than not bothering .. though not sure this is right, the older I get.