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to want to leave

(15 Posts)
UnicornShapedCloud Fri 22-Jun-18 01:38:05

I have been with my partner 7 years, when I met him he smoked cannabis and I was fine with it at first but after a while I asked him to stop as it seemed like after work etc he just got stoned and zoned out but he started again in the last few months

I am so unhappy, he comes home from work and rolls his joints puts on documentary's and stares blankly at the tv, i speak to him and he does not answer and then says he didnt hear me, I do love him but im so unhappy and when I try to speak to him about it he says things will change and I have to stop acting crazy.

I love him and want to be with him but im so unhappy, im 33 he is 36, I work monday to friday and he works 4 days on 4 days off, on his days off he does homers, he does work hard but uses as that as an excuse, he says he works all the time so deserves to be stoned and chill out when he is off work so I pretty much spend my weekends indoors sitting with him while he smokes cannabis,

I have told him how I feel but cannabis seems to be more important, I dont know what to do

Imbluedabadee Fri 22-Jun-18 01:42:18

I would leave, this will be your life forever if you stay with him

Aquamarine1029 Fri 22-Jun-18 01:45:36

You have every right to be so unhappy in your relationship. You can't possibly be happy with a partner who is stoned and emotionally not present most of the time. I would lay down an ultimatum because I don't see any other option - he either stops the constant smoking or your relationship is over. Please don't settle for this. You deserve a lot more.

LankinMcElf Fri 22-Jun-18 01:54:17

I don’t know how old you are but 7 years down the line this not acceptable.
Having the odd spliff when you are going out with someone is one thing, but there comes a time to grow up.
You have said twice that you love him and also that you’re unhappy, very unhappy.
You really can’t plan a life with this guy. Kids? Commitment? Actually, forget all that, how about a normal evening with someone who isn’t so stoned out of their head that they are incapable of even having a normal fucking conversation with you?
Get out, end it, leave him to his dope.
You are 33 ffs, think of your future

LankinMcElf Fri 22-Jun-18 01:56:45

Sorry I do know how old you are, too old for the above shite

Italiangreyhound Fri 22-Jun-18 02:13:13

I don't blame you for feeling unhappy or wanting to leave.

Do you have kids? Do you want to have kids?

If you do not have or cannot imagine having the life you want with this man then I would leave and look elsewhere.

You are 33, a young woman. Do you want to stay like this for another 7 years until you are 40?

Please take control, you work hard and it sounds like your life is far from how you would like it to be.

thanks

FastWindow Fri 22-Jun-18 02:19:50

You should stay with him. He sounds like the perfect man. No one wants a bloke who takes them out in the evening to a restaurant or stuff. Or in the future, sorts out the kids uniform, homework etc, dinner money envelopes.
Who'd want a responsible man like that when they could have an amazing dopehead? flowers

AlonsosLeftPinky Fri 22-Jun-18 02:28:53

I'd leave. Sounds like a boring, monotonous and tedious life and I wouldn't want that.

KC225 Fri 22-Jun-18 03:31:49

He is not going to change. His first relationship is cannabis. You may love him but he loves cannabis more. Go find yourself a relationship where you are number one.

Graphista Fri 22-Jun-18 03:49:10

Ultimatums don't work with addiction.

Leave, it'll never change, he cares more about his dope than you.

dundermiflin Fri 22-Jun-18 03:59:28

Yanbu. Leave and don't look back.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish Fri 22-Jun-18 04:29:47

What he is doing is illegal, not to mention a waste of time and money...how can you ever plan a life with this guy when he chooses getting stoned over using his free time to go out and do couple stuff with you...and the whole working hard so deserve to get stone is crap...you work more than him, I'm sure many people on mums net work long hours and don't get stoned...

I would drop the waste of space and go stay with a friend and go no contact and see how much effort he puts into trying to reconcile...I imagine getting stoned would be his main priority....you can't plan a life with him...imagine having a baby with him, you can't leave a stoned person in charge of a baby, you couldn't have a baby in the same house breathing that air from his cannabis smoking...he's a dead end...if you want a future, drop him and find someone better

MyOtherUsernameisaPun Fri 22-Jun-18 06:33:43

YANBU - to him, weed is more important than your feelings and there is no future with a man like that. I'm so sorry. But you are young, and there is so much better out there for you.

ConciseandNice Fri 22-Jun-18 06:38:19

At 36 he shouldn’t be wasting his years doing this. At 18 it would be a waste, so he should know better. I know you love him but rest assured he won’t change because as a stoner, without reason to, he won’t. There is no push to change. Maybe if you left him he would but he’s an adult. So are you and you realise as you head towards 40 that years are short and you’ll regret the waste. Live! Don’t wait for him! Good luck!

maras2 Fri 22-Jun-18 07:03:31

unicorn
Sorry but you'll always come last with a stoner.I think that you know this. sad

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