Annoyed With Tonight’s Dinner

[jamesk0001]

I am very overweight. It’s my fault. I can’t control my appetite and binge eat. I know it’s a problem and I am getting help. I have also been diagnosed with a heart condition and she knows I am not allowed certain foods – specifically mentioned – garlic bread – it’s a killer, curries – takeaway and restaurant amongst others.

I also work 14 to 16 hours a day and my wife has chosen not to work. As I don't get home till about 8pm, we have agreed that as I work, she will cook.

I have asked her to try and cook more healthily, her portion control is very poor (like using a pound of meat for 2 people) and I was brought up to not waste food - to the extent that I wasn’t allowed to leave the table without clearing the plate and being forced by my parents to sit at the table until I finished up or fell asleep and still now find it very difficult to leave an empty plate.

I have been away for a few days with work and got home to spaghetti carbonara made with a nearly a pound of fried bacon, parmesan cheese, fried mushrooms and two baguettes of garlic bread for 2 people!

I have actually accused her of trying to kill me and we had a row – last thing I need after been away for 4 days. I have a £650k life insurance policy so I am wondering now if she really is!

Feeling really low at the mo as she has stormed off to see a friend - so I may as well have stayed away with work.

[Sparklingbrook]

Could you not have just had a small serving?

[1stTimeMama]

How long would it take to kill you via large portions? She may be very patient, or she might think she's doing a great job at providing for her husband. Do you have children that she feeds at a different time? Is your wife overweight too?

I think she needs to be educated on what makes a healthy meal, and portion size, as food waste is incredibly annoying. For reference, I use the same weight of ingredients and quantity of garlic bread, to feed 5 in my house. It would be 6, but I'm a vegetarian. I don't think YABU in asking her to cook healthy and nutritious meals for you at all, she has taken on the role, so should listen to what it is you actually want to eat. Could you do some of your own research and suggest some meals?

[moreismore]

I see your point but you also need to take some responsibility. Ask her to leave food in kitchen for you to plate up and buy a bag of salad if necessary. Same meal with small serving of pasta, half a plate of salad and a couple of pieces of garlic bread would be fine. Especially as you are in control of your food intake the rest of the day.
Then don’t go back for more.

[PlateOfBiscuits]

Could you just tell her you’re going to plate up your own meals? Then serve yourself whatever portion size you feel is right and put the rest in the fridge. It’s not wasting food to save it for another day.

[1stTimeMama]

And by eating a smaller portion at the table, you can freeze the rest for future.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

Why on earth would she carry on making such high calories meals in such large quantities?

[Stroller15]

My husband also has massive portion distortion when he cooks for us. I take out half the portion and leave it for him for lunch the next day. I don't think your wife is trying to kill you slowly with food, she maybe wanted to treat you after being away a few days. I understand your frustration too though. Maybe talk to her about your health worries?

[KettleBells]

Just put out what you think you should have

[RedRedBluee]

I would be very annoyed at this too.
That sounds incredibly fatty and that’s okay every once in a while as a treat, but it is not acceptable for everyday cooking.
You need to talk to her calmly about changing her cooking habits to make it more healthy. It can’t be doing her health any good either.
And if she refuses look to alternatives like having part of the meal she cooks and cooking yourself extra vegetables or something.
Being dramatic and saying she’s trying to kill you is not helpful. That said she clearly doesn’t respect your health and attempt at weight loss so maybe talk that through with her.

[snowsun]

I know it's hard to refuse food or resit from eating it but you are transferring the blame for your weakness to your wife.
Yes she should support you but you need to take responsibility for what you put on your plate and in your mouth.
Maybe your wife also has an issue with food and healthy eating is very difficult for her too.
Buy a bag of salad and cover half your plate before dishing up.
You take control and she may follow.

[GuntyMcGee]

While her cooking is part of the issue, the other part appears to be your inability to say no or to stop eating when full.

You know you don't have to clear the plate.

Your wife is obviously used to cooking in this way and needs some guidance as to how to make healthy and tasty changes.
Ultimately if you don't like how she cooks you will have to take some responsibility and prepare your own meals. You are an adult too after all.

Shouting at her an accusing her of trying to kill you is overly dramatic. If you didn't want to eat the meal you didn't really have to.

How about being more constructive and maybe even trying to cook a healthier and tasty meal once in a while so you have more of a say in what's prepared?

[Sparklingbrook]

Who cooks at the weekend?

[Bobbybear10]

Remove some from the plate and don’t eat the garlic bread. It’s really not hard! Freeze what you don’t eat!

I have portion size problems and tend to over feed everyone. My DH will take off a bit and leave it for lunch the next day. If there is too much on the plate or there is food he doesn’t like/can’t eat he won’t eat it.

It’s like you’re not capable of taking responsibility for your own food issues! You don’t have to eat everything your wife puts on your plate. You are an adult take control of your own portion size.

[PonderLand]

Take some off your plate. You don't need to throw it away you can put it in the freezer. Your wife probably doesn't understand how serious you are about this diet/new portion sizes.

Would it be an option for you to prep your own food for the week when you have a day off?

[hididdlyhoneighborino]

I have a £650k life insurance policy so I am wondering now if she really is!

Wow. What a dick.

[Notevilstepmother]

Humans are not meant to spend 15 hours a day at work. No wonder you are over eating.

You need to learn that you are not a dustbin, and you don’t need to eat all the food. Maybe see about getting some hypnosis to help unlearn the bad habits from your parents.

Can you get a list of permitted foods and portion sizes for your wife? Probably easy to find something online or from the doctor?

[timshortfforthalia]

You can't freeze carbonara

[Notevilstepmother]

BTW I think you are being ridiculous saying that she is trying to kill you, no wonder she is upset and has gone out.

She probably wanted to treat you to your favourite foods becuase she missed you.

Can you honestly say you’ve been eating nothing but salad while you were away?

[FlyingElbows]

If you're serious about losing weight then you simply have to exercise some self control and take responsibility for what you eat. I say that as someone with very similar issues to you. But... I recognise it is to do it when you're married to a "fat feeder". Yanbu to be frustrated that your wife is not supporting you but you have to start by supporting yourself. Nobody is making you eat the huge portions any more. You are not that child, you are an autonomous adult and it's time to take control. You can do, one step at a time, and if you show you're trying maybe your wife will be more encouraged to take it seriously and get on board with you.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

My ex used to do this, it was a deliberate diet sabotage.

In the end, I just used to immediately and ruthlessly put half the dinner straight in the bin.

Do you think your wife might be trying to sabotage your diet?

[jamesk0001]

Could you not have just had a small serving?
It was all plated up.

Kids
They have grown up and gone to uni.

Is your wife overweight too?
Not really, perhaps a stone she has been going to slimming world for a couple of years so fully knows about healthy eating.

Why on earth would she carry on making such high calories meals in such large quantities?
That’s what I don’t understand – we have been down this road conversation wise loads of times and it gets worse!

I don't think your wife is trying to kill you slowly with food.
Not sure about that - £650k is a lot of money and no mortgage! 

[Sparklingbrook]

It was all plated up

So?

[Waterlemon]

Serve up your own portions! Take responsibility for your self and your own actions!

Regarding the having to clear your plate issue - I’ve been reading/listening to Paul McKenna, I can make you thin. He has 4 rules for keeping weight off. One of them is to never finish everything on your plate. My word!!! It is far harder to do than I’d ever have imagined!