Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

AIBU?

To ask for support and reassurance about pursuing a career instead of being a sahm

18 replies

Moomoomango · 21/06/2018 20:20

I’ve been a sahm for almost 7 years, two children 6&3. I’ve done a small amount of part time work in those years. I am degree educated but have done nothing with it.

I’ve really enjoyed being home with my children. I kind of shut off any ideas / dreams about my career when I had kids.

Now, we are living with not a huge amount of money. Comfortable (as in not using food banks) but don’t really have any money spare. We own our own home with no mortgage, so no worries about roof over head.

So given that, I have been looking at getting a job and have secured an opportunity for an on job training position in a very up and coming sector. But it would be full time. I feel a great sense of guilt about not being there for my children (as I’m sure a lot of mums and dads do) so in just looking for some inspiring career after kids stories and reassurance it will be ok!

OP posts:

Report

LikeSilver · 21/06/2018 20:21

Following with interest!

Report

AutoFilled · 21/06/2018 20:26

My mum worked full time when I was young. We had a nanny. I turned out fine and didn’t feel I missed out on anything when growing up. There maybe benefits such as I got a large deposit for my house, a car when I start work and also no student loan. But some people get that from one working parent too.

I also work full time and have no such guilt. Probably because my mum did the same. I like being something that is not just a mum. Have my money to spend on things I like without having to ask for permissions. And the recognition on doing a good job at work.

Hopefully that’s enough reassurance?

Report

AutoFilled · 21/06/2018 20:28

Things meaning iPhones, handbags, cars. I noticed so many women drive the crappy car and have the crappy phone when their husbands have all the nice things.

Report

Gentlygently · 21/06/2018 20:28

The chances are your children are going to find themselves in a world where a household needs two incomes. They will find that world much less of a surprise if that what they are used to.

If you don’t like full time it is far easier to go from full time to part time than it is to go from nothing to part time in a ‘career’ job.

Report

DrunkOnCalpol · 21/06/2018 20:29

Out of all of my mum friends (mixture of income bracket) I know only one who has not gone back to work after mat leave. How can you feel so guilty about doing something which the vast majority of women do (and almost all men). Do you really think doing something outside the home = 'not being there for your children'?

Report

DrunkOnCalpol · 21/06/2018 20:30

My mum was a stay at home parent, she regrets it and I hate being the cause of her giving up her career.

Report

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 21/06/2018 20:33

You don’t have to feel guilty if you promise yourself that in the time you do spend with your children you are fully present and engaged, not staring at a phone or tv or distracted. Quality not quantity.

Report

HappySpade · 21/06/2018 20:34

Good luck!! I don't feel that I've missed out on my children after returning to work after DC2. DDs are 8 and 5. I'm much further along in my career having stayed working and trying for opportunities. I work in the public sector and do have a great work/life balance. Some things I miss out on a few school activities but DP and I do make quite a few of them. Plus, I like spending money on nice things and travel and DP's salary won't allow for that.

Report

Charliebob1337 · 21/06/2018 20:39

What is your degree in? As an NHS worker myself and a few weeks away from have my first child; I highly encourage people with children to look for work in the NHS if they can. It's a great company to work for, and not all roles are clinical. You get generous holidays, great parent protection (5 days paid cover if your child is sick or unwell), great pension and also flexible working hours for parents. If anything was to change you can request to change your hours and they rarely disagree. They do full and part time so just an option and they are quite willing to give people who have been out of work for a while a chance.

Report

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 21/06/2018 20:39

I have a career and I love it, work around 50 hours a week and still get plenty of time with my 3 dc's 13, 9 and 7. My husband is the one that actually stays at home, although this will change when our eldest leaves school as he has SN and my husband is the carer. All 3 of mine understand that in order to have nice things and holidays etc that I have to go out and earn it. I book time off for plays and sports day etc so I don't miss it

Report

tomhazard · 21/06/2018 20:39

I am returning to work full time in September- My DC will be 3 and almost 6 too.
I don't feel guilty - they love school/ nursery, We will all benefit from the extra money. Guilt is a wasted emotion - do what you think is best. You have already spent a few years st home which is great - your dc will be fine

Report

Hollybollybingbong · 21/06/2018 20:47

I have several friends who went into new careers after being sahm, the jobs were advertised as full time but they negotiated hours to suit their circumstances. Apply for anything you feel suits and don't be afraid to ask at interview, the worst they can do is say no. I volunteered at a school and applied as a role came up and worked my way up to full time there getting qualified as a ta on the way. The best of luck whatever you choose.

Report

AdoraBell · 21/06/2018 20:52

Go for it.

Report

Moomoomango · 21/06/2018 21:03

Thank you that is so reassuring to hear positive experiences! I guess it’s just such a jump I am anxious! But I’m sure I’ll get in the swing of things!

OP posts:

Report

hettie · 21/06/2018 21:04

Perfect time to do it. You can get established and then cut hours when your kids are teens (and need different, but important time/attention).

Report

suckonthatmaureen · 21/06/2018 21:11

Like a PP, I had a Mum who worked full time. This was the 1980's so I had a nanny, childminders etc. as there were few Nurseries.
My DM had an exciting, fulfilling career/life and that exuberance and enthusiasm fed down to me.
I look back and I know she maybe missed the odd sports day, but never once have I thought I missed out on anything. She was there when it mattered.

I now work full time with 2dd's and I've never felt guilt. I have a job with great flexibility and agile working, and my bosses are all parents themselves - so they get it.
I know very few mums who don't work in some capacity, but I see no difference between the kids who's mothers work and those who don't.

Report

Namechange128 · 21/06/2018 21:20

Congratulations!
I loved being at home with small kids and was sad to go back - but when DH became ill and had to stop for a while and then go part time, my income was a blessing. Having seen what could happen if we relied on one income I wouldn't stop now, even though I am already slightly dreading going back after maternity leave with DC3.
It's amazing once you get back to work, it might take a little time but you get back into the swing of it, and it's good if you can try to find the positives - for example I try to work exercise in that I couldn't do at home, by running to work or at lunch.

As your DCs get older the extra income will also mean more choices for you all - from extracurriculars to extra support at school, to being able to sometimes have exactly the trainers they dreamt about. Not to mention some extra babysitting and fun for you and DH!

Also, check out number 10 here 😊 www.independent.co.uk/life-style/science-parents-successful-children-13-things-in-common-list-a7711611.html