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Men don't leave their family for no reason?

(160 Posts)
Havethewishiwishtonight Thu 21-Jun-18 14:56:41

AIBU to think that a man wouldn't leave his marriage, children, home and comfortable lifestyle for no good reason? There would have to be some major problem, ow, etc before 99% of men would do this?

QueenofmyPrinces Thu 21-Jun-18 14:57:34

Im inclined to ageee with you.

user1499173618 Thu 21-Jun-18 14:59:01

Of course.

Most people who leave marriages/families do so because they feel they are getting a worse deal than their partner.

Dergadgeghead Thu 21-Jun-18 14:59:29

Also agree. In my family, OW and disappointment with DC were key for my DF.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds Thu 21-Jun-18 15:01:53

Do you mean no reason or no good reason? An ow is a reason, but following your dick isn't a good reason to ruin your children's stable family life. Yet an ow serms like reason enough to some men.

Havethewishiwishtonight Thu 21-Jun-18 15:02:13

And of course, financially, I might add.

HuckfromScandal Thu 21-Jun-18 15:03:30

And neither do women!!
It’s not just men.

Namechangedforthispost18 Thu 21-Jun-18 15:03:41

I mean, if you think getting your sexual needs elsewhere is a good reason, then yeah sure.

Havethewishiwishtonight Thu 21-Jun-18 15:03:49

For instance, would a man really leave everything simply because he was 'unhappy'. I don't think so.

DontThinkTwice1 Thu 21-Jun-18 15:04:12

You could say women don't split up their family for no good reason too. smile

HollowTalk Thu 21-Jun-18 15:04:33

In my experience they leave when they are behaving badly and are told to leave.

flamingofridays Thu 21-Jun-18 15:06:30

For instance, would a man really leave everything simply because he was 'unhappy'. I don't think so

dp did. they had been together since they were teens, they hadn't been in love for a long time and he was only staying for the kids.

he was miserable, left, still saw the kids, still paid the mortgage and maintenance on top. he is much happier now.

QueenAravisOfArchenland Thu 21-Jun-18 15:07:19

Well, no, no-one leaves "for no reason". They always have a reason. They think they'll be happier going than staying.

Often the reason is an OW but IME some men just can't hack the responsibility of family life and nope out of it, because they are weak and cowardly.

BartholinsSister Thu 21-Jun-18 15:07:55

There are a lot of people who stay unhappy in unsatisfactory relationships to avoid the fallout of splitting up and hurting others.

PinkHeart5914 Thu 21-Jun-18 15:08:01

I think some people do just leave because they are unhappy/don’t want to parent etc. People will only take so much unhappiness before they snap and have to get out imo.

My nephews mum left when he was 3 days old, has never seen him, never paid maintenance and there was no OM or anything she just didn’t want to be a mum, she wanted a career. Makes no sense to me as my brother does the same job as her as a single parent confused

Singlenotsingle Thu 21-Jun-18 15:08:51

They get bored and want to go back to the single life

SlothSlothSloth Thu 21-Jun-18 15:09:57

Anecdotally, it appears to me that women usually leave because their husband has been treating them badly for a sustained period (some women have affairs, of course, and I have seen this - but not as many as men).

Meanwhile, I’ve never personally known a man who left his wife without having another partner lined up. Not even one.

That’s just my experience. Not sure if reliable research exists on sex differences in motivation for divorce.

TheHodgeoftheHedge Thu 21-Jun-18 15:24:26

Yes, let's blame the people left behind shall we? It's obviously their fault every single time.

Dmacka75 Thu 21-Jun-18 15:24:56

@Havethewishiwishtonight
has your husband left after you spoke to him?

TooTrueToBeGood Thu 21-Jun-18 15:29:12

I would say the majority of men that I've known personally who have left their families have done so, IMO, because they couldn't adjust to no longer being the focus of their wife's attention due to the kids taking priority. There was often an OW involved but that is a symptom and a catalyst (again IMO), not the real reason.

HildaZelda Thu 21-Jun-18 15:33:30

OP, do you mean that most men won't leave unless they have someone else lined up to go to? Possibly, but I think finances play a big part too. DH has a friend who's in a miserable marriage (no one else involved on either side as far as anyone knows) but he and his DW have an amazing house which is worth a lot and he has told my DH that he won't leave in cases he might lose the house.

U2HasTheEdge Thu 21-Jun-18 15:34:58

IME I have never known a man to leave unless there is another woman. I am sure there are men that do, of course there are, but it is very rare.

My poor friend's husband recently left her. She couldn't work out why and it was obvious all along that he had someone else.

I have known plenty of women to leave relationships because they are unhappy without another man being on the scene, but not a man.

Cath2907 Thu 21-Jun-18 15:35:40

I would leave my husband if I felt I'd be happier on my own even if there was no "siginificant" single reason e.g. DV, affair, etc..

This is something I discussed with my husband when I felt undervalued, under-appreciated and just generally miserable. We were no longer working together to create a happy life for the family. He was living his own life and I was propping everything up. He committed to working to change things and has done so but had he not I'd have left him. I didn't want to spend another 40 years feeling dissatisfied and grumpy!

fourpawswhite Thu 21-Jun-18 15:37:25

Family Court solicitor here. 15 years practising. On day 1, boss said to me a man will never ever leave unless he has someone else to go to.

15 years later, I have yet to see a man leave without there being another person to go to.

Now, I am sure occasionally it happens!! but I have never ever come across it. Even the cases where they swear blind there is nobody else, it later emerges there is somebody else.

Racecardriver Thu 21-Jun-18 15:37:50

People often do leave for no good reason. Men in particular seem to gave a tenancy to think that if they are unhappy their relationship is to blame.

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