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To ask which solution is less awkward?

(25 Posts)
homelyhomer Thu 21-Jun-18 11:11:36

We're planning our wedding. For various reasons DP doesn't speak to my parents and vice versa, it's been this way for a while so nothing new.
Either way parents obviously want to be there when I get married just like DPs parents want to be there too. DP and my parents will most likely ignore each other which is awkward in itself on an occasion like this but I've got two options and wondering which one might make it slightly less so:

Option 1) small intimate wedding, parents, ILS, siblings on both sides and a few friends - risk is that it will be extremely obvious that DP and my parents don't speak to each other especially since they'll be so few people and it might make it very awkward for everyone present - worth noting that PILS speak to my parents so the NC is purely between DP and them. Pros are that it might potentially avoid some of the drama around planning since there's a strong drama streak running through my side of the family and the NC will serve to aggravate it.

Option 2) wedding of about 60 people from both sides of the family in the hopes that the numbers will have people socialising together and mingling and it's not going to be so glaringly obvious that the groom and PILS are ignoring each other. Potential con is that there might be drama during the planning as mentioned before but this could possibly be minimised by just giving people the bare minimum of info on any plans/decisions.


windowing Thu 21-Jun-18 11:14:09

Definitely B
Less obvious. More options for people to talk to. Hopefully the presence of other non family people will restrain the drama.

easterholidays Thu 21-Jun-18 11:15:24

Will your parents definitely come, if they don't speak to your DP? In your position I think I'd elope, but of the options you present then definitely B for me too.

Pebblespony Thu 21-Jun-18 11:15:41

I'd say B too. A sounds like it could be awkward.

Flowerpotbicycle Thu 21-Jun-18 11:15:43

I’d personally go for more people, they have more chance of ignoring each other without it being awkward.
If you didn’t like someone would you rather be stuck in a room with them with just a few people or would you rather be at a big party with lots of other people to socialise with?

Spaghettijumper Thu 21-Jun-18 11:16:15

Why don't your DP and parents speak to each other?

Pebblespony Thu 21-Jun-18 11:16:23

On second thoughts the eloping idea is better.

Jeezoh Thu 21-Jun-18 11:16:36

Option B but keep it simple so less room for drama

Spaghettijumper Thu 21-Jun-18 11:17:31

I'm not asking to be nosy btw - it's to understand what's going on as it's easier to give an answer then.

Ideally you should go for whatever you want, without having to cater to a silly fall out. But if there's real bad blood there then that's a different matter.

Crunchymum Thu 21-Jun-18 11:18:37

Why don't your parents and partner speak?

(There is a poster who posts about her DP and DParents being NC, I think due to something money / business related? Are you this poster OP?)

SuperSuperSuper Thu 21-Jun-18 11:21:08

Option B.

Hopefully they'll all grow up and resolve their differences before then, for your sake.

MyOtherUsernameisaPun Thu 21-Jun-18 11:28:04

B sounds less awkward to me - hopefully having a crowd will mean your DP and parents don't noticeably have to interact!

HandJobInTheToilet Thu 21-Jun-18 11:30:34

Option B but don't get anyone involved in any decision-making or planning so there can't be any drama. Once you and DP have planned everything, just tell people how it's going to be.

I, however, would elope or just do a register office job with a couple of mates as witnesses

KM99 Thu 21-Jun-18 11:30:54

Honestly, the less awkward solution is starting a married life with you DHTB at least on civil terms with you parents. I'm sorry you are in this position, is it totally irreversible?

I would say Option B too, but I'm not sure how easily you can put to one side you are at an event celebrating your love for someone who is not on good terms with your parents. What will you talk to them about? Will they be putting on a pretense they are happy for you?

You wedding day, of all days, is one where you deserve to be happy. I hope you find a solution that works for you.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Thu 21-Jun-18 11:31:46

The Father of the Bride speech should be fun!

Depending on what the falling out was about, if rather things were resolved before the wedding so they could at least be civil to each other. It can't be something too horrendous otherwise you would have picked a side.

SomeKnobend Thu 21-Jun-18 11:33:34

They want a wedding invite but don't speak to your dp? Are you fucking serious? Tell them to fuck off. Why on earth should they be there rudely ignoring him, at his considerable cost, on his wedding day?! Cheeky bloody fuckers!

Blondebakingmumma Thu 21-Jun-18 11:41:42

The wedding is about you publicly committing to your DP. If your parents don’t support that they shouldn’t be welcome at the wedding. Simple as that

VimFuego101 Thu 21-Jun-18 11:44:03

What Blonde said. Do you really want them there? I would expect them all to put their differences aside on a day like this to at least exchange a few polite words. I would be telling whoever started the rift to grow up and act like adults.

heateallthebuns Thu 21-Jun-18 11:55:26

B but a wedding abroad or just you dp and witnessed sounds a better option.

TeeBee Thu 21-Jun-18 11:57:56

Just don't invite any of them, end of problem. Does the problem lie with your parents or your DH? I can't imagine ever not talking to a partner of my DCs unless they had done something really bad.

homelyhomer Thu 21-Jun-18 12:08:32

I won't go into reasons as that won't change anything and won't affect what we will do.
To clarify it a bit more it's more my DM and DP that won't speak, my DF is very much of a "leave it in the past and move on" type of person. It won't clear up before the wedding it has gone on for long enough now to become our normal (talking years).

We won't be eloping and won't just have us and witnesses as that's not what we want for our wedding so it's either option 1 or 2.
From what I gather most pps are veering towards option 2?

Jeezoh Thu 21-Jun-18 12:12:12

Actually I’ve changed my mind, I’d go with Option C of asking your partner what he’d prefer seeing as it’s his wedding day too. What would you say if his answer is “not invite your parents”?

Ribeebie Thu 21-Jun-18 12:18:10

I’d say option B. More people for your DPs to mingle with so will be less awkward. We had big issues with DH’s parents not talking to each other at our wedding so each parent had their own family table rather than a traditional top table which worked really well.

mumsastudent Thu 21-Jun-18 12:26:44

option b with noisy disco (showing age but get the gist!) have yourself and husband on lead table with bridesmaid & best man and put ur family one table & his family separate table near u

PorkFlute Thu 21-Jun-18 13:13:05

I wouldn’t have anyone at my wedding who was going to ignore me or the groom for the whole day and cause an atmosphere on our big day. If they don’t approve of the groom to the extent that they can’t be civil then they shouldn’t be invited - family or not.

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