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To be hurt by DH's comment?

(74 Posts)
Eden80 Wed 20-Jun-18 16:13:40

Okay so I am currently 11 weeks pregnant with baby number 3. I have a 7 and 2 year old. I have been exhausted and had pretty much constant nausea and felt absolutely awful since week 6. The other day my husband (who has been doing most of the housework and cooking) commented that this was unreasonable and I needed to do more it was ridiculous he was doing this much. I have washed up, done some cooking and still do all the primary care for the children, baths, dressing etc and two year old is still breastfeeding doing night feeds. I am also still doing shopping and I am working three days a week. I feel like he has no clue how tired pregnancy makes women and how days are spent just battling sickness and trying to do what you can when you can.

Am I over reacting? Is it the hormones?

Username8634721 Wed 20-Jun-18 16:15:32

YANBU. He’s a dick that needs to have some compassion for his pregnant wife.

Congratulations btw flowers

thedevilinablackdress Wed 20-Jun-18 16:15:36

Yanbu

Sounds like a reasonable split of workload even if you were not sick!!

thedevilinablackdress Wed 20-Jun-18 16:16:14

...so he needs to get his finger out and do more.

Shoxfordian Wed 20-Jun-18 16:17:21

He's a knob

Trinity66 Wed 20-Jun-18 16:18:43

You named out alot of stuff you're still doing, what does he do?

Beebiesandcheebies Wed 20-Jun-18 16:18:47

That is not on. Pregnancy sickness can be horrendous. Unfortunately though I think people just don't understand unless they've been through it.

JugglingMummyof2 Wed 20-Jun-18 16:19:06

It is quite telling that you say I have a 7 and 2 year old. Is it not we? I assume he is generally happy to let you do it all?

Footballmumofthefuture Wed 20-Jun-18 16:20:09

What exactly is he doing?

TheHodgeoftheHedge Wed 20-Jun-18 16:28:11

So if you're doing all that, what exactly is he doing?

Eden80 Wed 20-Jun-18 16:29:53

He is doing the hoovering of the house once a week, he does some food shopping too and the majority of the cooking. He also has been doing about 80 percent of the school pick ups. I deal with the toddler but he will occupy the seven year old and take him to bed, but I breastfeed the baby to sleep. Some days (at the moment three days a week) he plays tennis so I do the children's food and both of their bedtimes then. I normally do the laundry and he has done some of this since I have been pregnant. Now I feel like its all been resented. He is also working away this week and hasnt bothered to text or call, just left it on that note, that he was pissed off with it and saying it had to change.

SoyDora Wed 20-Jun-18 16:32:40

I have a 4 year old and 2 year old and am 12 weeks pregnant with crippling nausea and exhaustion. I’m a SAHM. Apart from looking after the children in the day, DH is doing pretty much everything. Cooking, cleaning, washing etc. It’s not ideal but it’s hopefully not for long and he is more than happy to step up.

DontMentionTheWar Wed 20-Jun-18 16:33:30

What a complete arsehole! Is he usually like this?

Thymeout Wed 20-Jun-18 16:37:40

Can he take over weaning the 2 yr old from night feeds? The toddler doesn't need them, and will most likely sleep through without them. Don't give them a bottle instead. It's easier for DH to make this his project since toddler will know there's no chance of a bf if DF is in charge of settling them back to sleep when they wake.

No - you're not over-reacting. You're doing more than your share, even without morning sickness.

Trinity66 Wed 20-Jun-18 16:37:45

He is doing the hoovering of the house once a week, he does some food shopping too and the majority of the cooking. He also has been doing about 80 percent of the school pick ups. I deal with the toddler but he will occupy the seven year old and take him to bed, but I breastfeed the baby to sleep. Some days (at the moment three days a week) he plays tennis so I do the children's food and both of their bedtimes then. I normally do the laundry and he has done some of this since I have been pregnant. Now I feel like its all been resented. He is also working away this week and hasnt bothered to text or call, just left it on that note, that he was pissed off with it and saying it had to change.

That just sounds like he's doing his share and before he wasn't doing much at all? Men like that make me so angry, like because you're a woman you need to be the servant

DarlingNikita Wed 20-Jun-18 16:38:22

he was pissed off with it and saying it had to change.

Tell him 'Me too and I agree, it does. Step up and support me and your child-to-be.'

Twombly Wed 20-Jun-18 16:39:03

I thought he was BU even before you mentioned that you're also working 3 days a week, so now I think he's being utterly useless. Not being in contact while he works away when you're at home with a primary age child, a toddler and morning sickness is just mean.

LanaorAna2 Wed 20-Jun-18 16:39:04

Breastfeeding when pregnant can make you feel worse - triggers nausea.

pinkyredrose Wed 20-Jun-18 16:40:03

Can you stop breastfeeding the 2yr old? It'll be quite tricky if they still expect a boob when you've got the new one. Your lazy fucker husband really needs to pull his finger out, when was the last time he looked after both DC on his own?

LagunaBubbles Wed 20-Jun-18 16:40:39

Is this out of character for him or he usually such a unsympathetic dickhead?

LanaorAna2 Wed 20-Jun-18 16:42:44

Your milk flow should dry up in a few weeks which will make weaning the toddler easier. You'll be much less nauseous, less tired and more able to cope.

Yes, DH should do more.

Lizzie48 Wed 20-Jun-18 16:43:15

It sounds like you're still doing a lot despite the constant nausea. I don't see what he has to complain about tbh.

We have 2 adopted DDs (9 and6), one of whom has SN. I'm a SAHM, as it would be unrealistic for us both to have jobs at the moment, especially as DD1 is going to be having therapy soon and has always needed regular appointments for her hearing and sight problems. My DH doesn't do any cooking generally, but he puts on loads of washing when he sees the need and cleans up behind himself.

Your DH doesn't have to do the hoovering every week, he could leave it if he's feeling too tired, or only do the stairs and landing one day, or wherever needs it the most.

He certainly shouldn't make you feel bad about it. I have depression and PTSD as a result of my past, and often lack energy. My DH never makes me feel guilty about it, he just does what he can. We both live here and we're both responsible for our DDs.

Eden80 Wed 20-Jun-18 16:43:20

I am also taking a career break once number three is born as he works away a lot and I would really struggle with three and work, and financially its not that viable. He made reference to the fact he wont be doing anything like as much as he does now when I am 'not working' and for me not to be saying I am 'too busy looking after the children' to do housework.

Veterinari Wed 20-Jun-18 16:44:35

Do what activities do you do on your 3 days per week? As I assume you have equivalent leisure time?
No?
You need to sit down with him and divide up jobs so you have equivalent time off - that’s parenting

Trinity66 Wed 20-Jun-18 16:45:49

I am also taking a career break once number three is born as he works away a lot and I would really struggle with three and work, and financially its not that viable. He made reference to the fact he wont be doing anything like as much as he does now when I am 'not working' and for me not to be saying I am 'too busy looking after the children' to do housework.

Was he this unhelpful and sexist before baby No3 or is this a new occurrence?

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