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AIBU?

Mums disappointed that I don’t want takeaway, WWYD?

189 replies

DinosaurAgain · 20/06/2018 12:22

Name change for this.

It’s my birthday today. I had nothing planned for today and have gone to work as normal.

Mum decided she was going to take me out for a meal on Sunday as a belated celebration along with my DD (3), my brother and my granddad. Mum then decided she couldn’t afford to pay for everyone so asked if I could pay for mine and DDs. Said I could and we chose a local pub which suited the budget.

Just had a call from my mum to say she’s changed her mind as the footballs on so she’s not taking us out anymore but is instead going to get a takeaway. I’ll still have to pay for mine and DDs meals.
I don’t want a takeaway. For several reasons, a) I’ve never found one that I like as much as restaurant cooking or my own, b) I don’t like the salt content for either DD or I and c) I can usually make the same cheaper at home. Also it was supposed to be a treat for my birthday; I can get a takeaway any day of the week – there’s a Chinese and a fish and chip shop at the end of my road. I rarely go to restaurants as it seems such a waste just going me and DD so was looking forward to it. I’m also not bothered about the football.

So I said that I’d rather make my own at home and they could enjoy their takeaway while watching the match. I actually save myself money this way as I already have a chicken and a shoulder of pork in my freezer so I’d just need vegetables.

Mums disappointed apparently, says it’s not fair and I need to celebrate my birthday somehow. She has also text me since hanging up saying that she was looking forward to a “chilled” day with me and can’t I compromise this once?
I really am not bothered about a takeaway, to me it’s not a treat it’s a meal that you have when you don’t want to cook/haven’t got the time to cook. I rarely have one and DD has never had one (to my knowledge she may have had one when she goes to her dads/grandparents – she’s got some SN so probably won’t be able to tell me).

WWYD? Do I go and have the takeaway or make my own at home?

OP posts:
reallyreallyreallytired · 20/06/2018 12:24

Don’t have the takeaway but why not text to say you are looking forward to seeing her and ask her to pick up a cake and some nice wine or something like that to celebrate?

Bridechilla · 20/06/2018 12:25

It's your birthday, do whatever the hell you want. She sounds awful.

witchofzog · 20/06/2018 12:25

What? Why is your mum paying for your brother and grandad but not you when it is a treat for YOUR birthday? It's not a treat for you if you then end up paying and doing something you don't want to do.

She is making this all about her. Yanbu

dinosaursandtea · 20/06/2018 12:25

How was she offering you a chilled day when she’s trying to do something you don’t want and she isn’t paying for?!

DinosaurAgain · 20/06/2018 12:25

Sorry should of made it clear, she wants me to go to her house, she won't come to mine if the footballs on.

OP posts:
HarshingMyMellow · 20/06/2018 12:25

I agree with you totally.

Your mum saying 'it's not fair' is ridiculous, it's YOUR birthday celebration. You should get to do what you want to do.
A takeaway at home isn't a birthday treat for me - especially not one YOU have to pay for.

It's about you, no one else.

Ellendegeneres · 20/06/2018 12:25

So it’s your treat that you have to compromise on when you won’t enjoy it?? Yanbu.

Frosty66612 · 20/06/2018 12:26

It’s your birthday so I would do want you want.
It’s a shame you don’t have any nice takeaways you like nearby as they can be great for a treat if you find a really nice one (the chinese by mine is incredible, but the one near my mum’s is rank and overpriced).
Could you compromise and have dessert/cake with them instead?

Ellendegeneres · 20/06/2018 12:26

And the you pay for your own treat thing sucks too.

Rocinante1 · 20/06/2018 12:26

Just arrange another day. Explain to her what you have here - that's it's not something you want to spend your money on so you're saving your money to go out for food when they are next free.

Racecardriver · 20/06/2018 12:26

This what deliveroo is for.

SnapAndFart · 20/06/2018 12:26

I would suggest you go out for a meal some other time, maybe once the world Cup has finished.

Its not much of a birthday celebration eating food you don't want while other people watch football...

junedaze · 20/06/2018 12:27

Well if it was me, i'd rather the takeaway, it's not a treat to have to make something yourself. Even something from the chippy?

GuntyMcGee · 20/06/2018 12:27

I think your mum is being unreasonable. She can't surely think it's appropriate to make a fuss of giving you a birthday treat and then change her mind because it suits what she wants to do.

It's either your birthday treat or it's what she wants to do, it can't really be both. It's your birthday, she doesn't get to dictate, especially when she's expecting you to pay for yourself! It's not treat at all really is it? It's your mum pretending she's doing something for you, yet doing nothing.

I'd be inclined to tell her that if football is more important than celebrating her daughters birthday then just don't bother to pretend about it.

junedaze · 20/06/2018 12:28

I don't think i'd want to go to her house though, i hate football.

notanurse2017 · 20/06/2018 12:29

So it's your birthday but she's telling you to do everything she wants to do? And you are having to pay for it?

I'd honestly just not bother.

Happy birthday by the way!

DinosaurAgain · 20/06/2018 12:29

It's not a landmark birthday and I really do enjoy cooking so it's not a problem for me to do my own.

OP posts:
Ellendegeneres · 20/06/2018 12:30

Yeah, whoops, happy birthday!

ReanimatedSGB · 20/06/2018 12:30

Also, unless you like football, this is the opposite of a birthday treat for you, surely.

Jammycustard · 20/06/2018 12:31

Your mum’s treat doesn’t sound like one; cancelling the meal out, not paying for the take away, not going to yours.
Also, is she saying she wants to sit in and watch the football when you’re sat there? Bit rude tbh.

Jammycustard · 20/06/2018 12:31
Cake
ginghamstarfish · 20/06/2018 12:31

Not much of a 'celebration' for your birthday if you have to pay for yourself/DD and have food you don't want. Obviously the football is more important Confused to your mum so tell her you'll be having your own celebration with your DD (and a nice home-cooked meal too). Agree with you that takeway food is not at all a 'treat'.

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StormTreader · 20/06/2018 12:32

"Can't I compromise on MY birthday when you're already asking me to pay for my share? No."

She wants to not feel guilty that shes doing nothing for your birthday, while not actually having to do anything. Her doing what she would normally do but just you also being present is not a birthday celebration for you.

Newtothis2017 · 20/06/2018 12:33

I am sorry but I am failing to see how buying yourself and your dd a takeaway and watching football is a birthday treat from your mum!!!

DinosaurAgain · 20/06/2018 12:34

Neither like nor dislike football. I don't choose to watch it at home and don't have Sky Sports, but if it's on when I go to someone elses house then I don't complain. Couldn't tell you the scores though.

OP posts:
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