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AIBU to hate hen weekends?

(109 Posts)
Iseveryusernametaken Tue 19-Jun-18 23:01:45

When I got married, I had a hen night. To be honest, I hated every minute of it and only had it to pacify my DM. A friend is having a hen 'weekend' (why has it become a whole weekend?!!) 3 hours away. To join in the Friday night, I would need to leave by lunchtime which I can't do as I have no annual leave or childcare. The Saturday morning involves a hungover brunch so to join that would have to leave the house by 7am at the latest. I agreed that I would go to the afternoon activity because I felt guilty, but it means that I will spend at least 6 hours driving for an hour and a half activity and take a packed lunch to eat on the way because they're obviously not having lunch. AIBU after a busy working week to just want to spend the weekend with my kids rather than a load of people I don't know?

Durianfruit Tue 19-Jun-18 23:03:05

I’d skip it. You’re not keen, and the timings don’t work.

BabyTeeth Tue 19-Jun-18 23:05:07

YANBU.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Tue 19-Jun-18 23:05:12

No YANBU- they are hideous: expensive, time consuming, utterly self indulgent on the half on the bride. Loathe them- yet sadly this several day/ sometimes a local and a foreign “celebration” is becoming the “norm”.

Dobbythesockelf Tue 19-Jun-18 23:05:45

I'm with you on this. I've just been invited to one which started out as a all day Saturday thing but is now Friday to Sunday. Gonna have to be the miserable one that only goes on the Saturday as I have a 3 yr old and a will be 9 month old. I only know the bride and her sister so spending a whole weekend with strangers sounds like hell.

Honeyroar Tue 19-Jun-18 23:07:21

I hate them too. I didn't have one. I can just about bear a one day/night one, but would never go to a longer one.

Happygummibear Tue 19-Jun-18 23:07:32

I wouldn't go. I was specific that my hen should be local and not cost the earth cause it isn't fair to ask people to pay out or travel miles unless it's something you would really really really enjoy

ShirleyPhallus Tue 19-Jun-18 23:09:32

I fucking HATE them

I was recently MOH and the bride wanted an all-day thing in london, which was fine, but then she also wanted a spa weekend with just the bridesmaids. Which was not really ok because then she had her civil ceremony in the uk then the next weekend we all flew out to Italy for the wedding, and bridal party came a few days early.

The whole fucking thing cost about £1400 to attend in the end and I was exhausted with four weekends on the trot of wedding-y shit.

And I HATE hen dos. Especially when they involve penis models or life drawing or butlers in the buff.

What is it about grown women shrieking about willies in the company of their friends old work colleague’s mum?

KC225 Tue 19-Jun-18 23:12:14

Don't go. All the money spent on travelling and doing an activity you don't seem that excited about could be spent on taking her out for a nice meal just before the wedding.

Merryoldgoat Tue 19-Jun-18 23:12:52

Just skip it. I also hate them - they’re self indulgent twaddle. Especially the ones abroad.

Missingpate Tue 19-Jun-18 23:18:47

I generally dread them too, or at least how long and complicated they can get. The scale of what is the done thing seems to have got bigger and bigger and can be so costly. We eloped and I was so relieved to be able to forgo the whole thing!

Iseveryusernametaken Tue 19-Jun-18 23:29:15

I'm so glad that everyone doesn't think I'm being selfish and/or boring. I'm more than 10 years older than most of the hens who don't really have any responsibilities. They think I'm BU because another hen closest to my age is doing the whole weekend and has a child younger than mine. She leaves him all the time though with relatives or her DH to do what she wants to do. I'm divorced, my EXH has no input and I rely on Goodwill for childcare. I work ft so treasure my weekends... Oh and sleep 😂

GunpowderGelatine Wed 20-Jun-18 00:02:35

Sounds like utter hell. Why have hen did become like this, over indulgent forced fun?

Mine was a night away, we had food then went to a bar. No dress code, no silly games, no penis paraphernalia. Just women having fun, no more no less!

Flaminglingos Wed 20-Jun-18 00:10:28

Skip it and take the bride out for a meal if you must at another time.

sugarnotsweetener Wed 20-Jun-18 00:59:13

@dobbythesockelf I feel like you are me - I’ve just been invited to a fri-Sunday hen, when it comes around my DD will be 3 and my newest DD will be 9m!

OP yanbu I had a hen meal and drinks after and I didn’t want mine at the time either. I think it’s a big deal asking someone to give you their entire weekend for a hen.
I’m on a group chat and everyone else seems keen - I think I’m going to cancel. All the other hens are older than me so their kids are older than mine so they’re loving the prospect of a no child piss up whereas I won’t want to leave mine 😣

CoughLaughFart Wed 20-Jun-18 01:09:02

Can’t you just say you’re busy?

Motoko Wed 20-Jun-18 02:18:49

Just say you can't go, don't let them railroad you into going.

Why do people have such a problem saying no to these things? If more people said no, they might fall out of favour.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Wed 20-Jun-18 02:25:45

Your life, your money and most important of all YOUR kids that will be affected by this.
If you dont want to go, dont go & dont feel guilty for it. Hen do's are so demanding these days it's about time people took a stand on it! x

AltheaorDonna Wed 20-Jun-18 02:38:36

Don't go. I've never been to a hen weekend in my life and never will. A meal out or a piss up down the pub is ok (but not if there is dressing up and/or comedy willy type shenanigans), but beyond that I just say nope.

araiwa Wed 20-Jun-18 03:35:42

Shit hen dos are shit
Good ones are good

This one might be either but it seems a pain for you to attend so dont bother

Iseveryusernametaken Wed 20-Jun-18 07:23:21

The B2B is absolutely lovely and is a very dear friend. She's helped me out and always been reliable and this do has been in planning for at least 18 months. I did say initially that I couldn't go, but eventually got worn down into the Saturday day event, which I naively assumed would be the alcohol free bit and be a few hours. Turns out, it's lunchtime cocktails followed by 1 1/2 hr activity. I won't be drinking (I'm too old for daytime drinking anyway, I'd be asleep by teatime) as I have a 3 hr drive back. I did have a plan originally whereby I was going to stay locally with a friend with kids and DP but our circumstances have changed and one of us needs to be at home. My DP would look after my DD quite happily and she would also be quite happy with that, I'm torn between selfishly doing what I want and letting down my friend.

Member984815 Wed 20-Jun-18 07:28:51

I hate hen dos, I was asked to a friend's one , it involved a weekend away . At the time my brother had been unwell and I was taking care of his daughters sometimes and had just put in a new kitchen ,I had neither the time or money to spend on it. We were close but after that we are not really , she barely spoke to me on wedding day and I got the impression this was why . To be honest if that's what our friendship was based on it wasn't great anyway

calzone Wed 20-Jun-18 07:37:29

Honestly, be true to yourself and decline.

I hate hen do’s and baby showers......

A friend of mine is mixing all her friendship groups and her mum and MIL and booking a weekend in Reading with 2 nights in a hotel and naked drawing and cocktails and dinner etc etc

Another friend and myself are doing cocktails and dinner and coming home.

I’m not spending over £200 on this. Just not.

What happened to dinner and home time?

redcarbluecar Wed 20-Jun-18 07:41:06

I'm not keen on them either (a pricey way to spend time with a bunch of people you don't know), but have never had a problem not going to one. I think the best thing to do is just say you won't be able to make it (no need to make up a false excuse) and arrange a meal out with B2B another time - maybe treat her if you can. I think a good friend would understand that not everyone is up for an expensive hen do.

AnnabelleLecter Wed 20-Jun-18 07:52:50

I did one hen weekend. I was young free and single. It was fantastic.
In your situation not a chance. I wouldn't want to go half way through and
be bored to death hearing about 'last night'.
Just enjoy the weekend with your kids.

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