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What do you say to family/friends who are right wing?

(214 Posts)
ChocolateRaisin09 Tue 19-Jun-18 11:47:25

It gets me down. I don't feel like I can discuss with my parents, in laws etc because I get too emotional, and they get defensive, but when I hear them say things like "Trump is what we need", and some frankly racist comments, I feel so helpless. They're not going to change. But I want to challenge them. It's no excuse that they're from another generation, there ARE older people who are not racist!

I wish I could stop them reading the Daily Fail (have wondered about gifting a subscription to a different paper) and broaden their minds somehow.

I am still so bitter that my parents, my in laws and people I work closely with all voted for Brexit. How do I stop hating them all?!

Sorry, bit of a rant. Wish I could let it wash over me, but honestly I don't want to be around these people sometimes and would consider limiting my daughter's time with them.

gower4 Tue 19-Jun-18 11:48:55

I'd challenge racist comments without fail, but voting for Brexit is a completely different issue.

Tallyhooo Tue 19-Jun-18 11:57:12

Are they making actual racist comments, or just agreeing with certain right wing policies you disagree with that you find racist??

Politics is a difficult one, Racism is a different issue and should always be challenged....

baxterboi Tue 19-Jun-18 12:02:33

Our family had to agree to stop all political talk (especially around Brexit) because we all had such different opinions. It was going to cause massive fallouts which is silly IMO.

Racist remarks are a bit different though and I'd pull people up on that.

ChocolateRaisin09 Tue 19-Jun-18 12:02:48

They're just generally a bit thick. The reasons they voted for Brexit are racist, as it is with a lot of DM readers it seems. So it all ties in for me.

So how do you challenge racist comments without getting into a fight?

eightfacesofthemoon Tue 19-Jun-18 12:05:03

Don’t bother. It’s not worth it. Really it isn’t. They’ll never agree with you, you’ll never change them.
I know it’s not the done thing. But honestly life is too short. You’re better off helping the young to not turn into racist arseholes.

ChocolateRaisin09 Tue 19-Jun-18 12:05:54

Yeah, thank you, we try to keep away from talk about politics but when they say something inappropriate at the moment DH and I just go quiet and let the tumbleweeds fly.. but later I wish I had said something to make them think a bit.

ChocolateRaisin09 Tue 19-Jun-18 12:08:15

You're probably right @eightfacesofthemoon, I need to let it go and concentrate on what I can change.

Hidillyho Tue 19-Jun-18 12:08:22

These are 2 different issues.
You can be a Tory voter and not be a racist twat. You can also of voted leave in Brexit and not be a racist (the NHS reason was why people I know voted leave).

Your issue is the racism part of it which I do think needs challenging. Not sure how you would go about it though as the family I know who spout bullshit racism are too dumb to listen to a reasoned argument and honestly think that everyone who comes to the UK are here to steal our jobs (ok auntie, you have no job and you think they are stealing your surgeon job 🙄) or that they are only here for the benefits (this coming from my cousin who won’t let her boyfriend move in because she’ll lose her benefits)

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Tue 19-Jun-18 12:10:13

I think you are confusing right wing and racist.

ChocolateRaisin09 Tue 19-Jun-18 12:10:28

Exactly! I guess hitting back with the facts would be one way, and looking at it with humour! Oh that did make me laugh out of recognition!!

ChocolateRaisin09 Tue 19-Jun-18 12:11:41

I think I know very well what I meant.

treesforesthappy Tue 19-Jun-18 12:13:12

you can't fix their views, you need to stick to neutral topics or keep ignoring. I'm not RW, but I loathe Corbyn and the SNP and I can't tell you the amount of friends and family I've got that love them and I have to keep very quiet.

Politics shouldn't be talked about unless you have prior knowledge that you broadly agree. They're your family, presumably they care about you and your DC etc?

nervousnails Tue 19-Jun-18 12:14:34

Aren't you a delight! What about rabid left wingers who call right wingers racist?

ShackUp Tue 19-Jun-18 12:16:10

I would just say, 'what is your evidence for that assertion?' every single time they say anything.

ChocolateRaisin09 Tue 19-Jun-18 12:17:05

Whenever it's in the presence of my daughter I have to say something, I really don't want her to grow up thinking immigrants are bad, and black people take drugs and steal, and people on benefits are scum, and refugees deserve to die.
Ah I'm just venting, had a long weekend of fathers day gratefulness for these wise old men!

Amanduh Tue 19-Jun-18 12:17:37

Right wing and racist are not the same thing so I can see why people are asking you!

ChocolateRaisin09 Tue 19-Jun-18 12:18:32

If you don't like being called racist, why defend it?

ChocolateRaisin09 Tue 19-Jun-18 12:19:26

hard right, better?

NewGrandad Tue 19-Jun-18 12:20:59


the NHS reason was why people I know voted leave

In what way did voting leave help the NHS?

Hastalapasta Tue 19-Jun-18 12:21:05

I agree with the pp, ignore them and change the subject.
There is no arguing with stupid.
I did pull my DM up on who exactly ‘they’ are, and I got a lecture about the pressures on the nhs. Ironic, as she is using the nhs a lot more now that she is getting older.....

Succulentest Tue 19-Jun-18 12:21:59

I would just say, 'what is your evidence for that assertion?' every single time they say anything.

This. It's boring as fuck, but either they will realise that the Daily Heil isn't a credible source, or they will simply get so sick of being asked the same question they will start talking about the weather or some criminally stupid reality TV programme instead.

musicinthe00ssucks Tue 19-Jun-18 12:22:18

You are taking a massive leap from right wing to racist. Not everyone who reads the DM and voted Brexit is a racist. Sorry but that is very insulting thinking.

AsleepAllDay Tue 19-Jun-18 12:23:49

I honestly just don't do it any more. My family are socially conservative otherwise liberal & I just will not change the minds of grown adults who want to cling to certain beliefs and ideas. I save my breath and my well-being. I do step in when something particularly extreme is said but if I called out every questionable thing a family member said I may as well draw a copper's pay cheque

Mumto2two Tue 19-Jun-18 12:24:10

I’m sorry but you’re not making sense. What has anyone voting to leave the EU got to do with racism? I narrowly voted remain, due to a myriad of conflicting thoughts and uncertainties at the time, but am wholly in support of leaving now. The EU model is highly flawed, and completely unworkable for our country. And yes immigration is a huge issue too. It’s undeniably obvious. And trust me, I have seen the changes over time that you are probably far too young to ever appreciate. Does that make me racist??? Not sure what you are implying here...

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