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Should I let my mum kiss my baby?

(64 Posts)
birthofawoman Mon 18-Jun-18 20:41:46

I have a one month old baby and my mum's boyfriend has HSV1 (oral herpes). He gets lesions quite frequently, and seems to put a cream on his lip the moment he feels a tingling sensations before the lesion appears (indicating that he is 'shedding' the virus). My mum insists that she refrains from kissing him during his initial 'shedding' period and whilst his lesions are present (although I'm sure there's also a post-lesion 'shedding' period? My mum hasn't mentioned refraining from kissing him during this period, though). Whilst she has never presented with any lesions herself, I'm aware that she could be a carrier of HSV but just be asymptomatic?

I've seen what happens to babies that contract the virus, and it's quite disastrous. I also don't think it's fair that my baby should potentially have to live with the physical, medical and social implications of having HSV because my mum happens to have a boyfriend with the virus at this period in her life (and made her own decision to risk contracting it).

Am I being unreasonable to feel that my mum should refrain from kissing her grandson? I know it's a really unfortunate and quite impolite thing to request.

I don't at all look down upon people who do have the virus, it's just not an outcome that I think is ideal for a baby.

agnurse Mon 18-Jun-18 20:44:24

"No kissing baby on the face" is a completely reasonable directive. I also agree that she should not be kissing baby during the time her partner has a cold sore.

In fact, most adults do carry the HSV virus; it's just that the majority of them do not show active cold sores. My husband gets cold sores and so does my mother. I never have. It's quite possible that I have contracted the virus from one or even both of them (there are different strains) but I have never been visibly affected.

I definitely agree with you that herpes can be very serious in a young baby and definitely believe your concern is not unreasonable.

AllyMcBeagle Mon 18-Jun-18 20:45:38

YANBU. It can be deadly to babies and she ought to be content with lots of cuddles. Just have a blanket rule for everyone of no kissing until they are older IMO. Tell her this is the current medical advice.

kaytee87 Mon 18-Jun-18 20:47:20

I don't think anyone other than me or my DH kissed ds as a baby. Now he's a toddler he actively grabs his granny's to give them a kiss but not sure why anyone would kiss someone else's baby.
So yanbu

MotherofKitties Mon 18-Jun-18 20:51:44

You are not being unreasonable.

Just tell her no kissing your child whilst he's so young. You're putting your child's health first and foremost and she should understand that. If she doesn't she is being unreasonable.

Pikehau Mon 18-Jun-18 20:57:21

YANBU just don’t.

There was a thread here a short time ago about the same thing and a heartbreaking post. I remember well as the posters baby died on my daughters 3rd birthday only a few miles away. I cried reading it.

It was also informative in that another slightly older poster noted that in days past everyone was aware of herpes and kissing babies was a no no. Funny because my mother who is 80 now said how she doesn’t like kissing babies and now I realise why. She must have been taught or aware of this in the 1940’s

I myself didn’t kiss my firstborn for weeks as had my first ever cold sore come up the week before he was born.

ThistleAmore Mon 18-Jun-18 21:00:14

As a child, my mother, father, and sister all had cold sores, and my partner does, too.

I've never had any, or shown any symptoms, so I'm probably asymptomatic: doesn't mean that I don't carry the virus, though.

I think you're quite right in asking your mother to refrain, HSV1 can cause enormous problems for very young children.

Ohmydayslove Mon 18-Jun-18 21:02:09

Blanket ban and show your mum the research

pannikin Mon 18-Jun-18 21:02:46

Why have you posted this in two separate topics? confused

Nanny0gg Mon 18-Jun-18 21:03:13

I don't think anyone other than me or my DH kissed ds as a baby. Really? Not grandparents? Not aunts and uncles?

(I think the OP is perfectly justified in a ban in her case however)

Sprinklesinmyelbow Mon 18-Jun-18 21:03:43

I posted on your other thread. You’re wasting my time

NewBallsPrettyPlease Mon 18-Jun-18 21:05:50

kaytee87 Mon 18-Jun-18 21:06:43

Really? Not grandparents? Not aunts and uncles?

Nope, it's not something my family do I suppose. I wouldn't kiss someone else's baby. I didn't think that was unusual tbh.

GreatDuckCookery Mon 18-Jun-18 21:09:19

It's not the MN law that you can only post in one section is it?

Sprinklesinmyelbow Mon 18-Jun-18 21:10:05

It’s the exact same thread. It’s time wasting and rude

Pikehau Mon 18-Jun-18 21:12:17

Read This thread page 7 poster SH81- she is I would say sadly an expert on this don’t dismiss your instinct.

PrinceOfCheeses Mon 18-Jun-18 21:14:52

It’s time wasting and rude

Explain how it is either when you know exactly what it is from the title and do not have to post on either?

Rude! confused

PrinceOfCheeses Mon 18-Jun-18 21:16:00

OP YANBU. If you feel bad make a blanket ban that "no one" kisses the baby. (You can do it when she's not around obviously. Do explain why though and if she argues about it, don't give her the baby.

Sprinklesinmyelbow Mon 18-Jun-18 21:16:28

It’s pretty rude to demand explanations. I think it’s fairly obvious though- post on the first thread to help out as per the OPs request and the second to tell them
You’re annoyed with them for starting multiple threads

GreatDuckCookery Mon 18-Jun-18 21:16:49

Why are you answering both then? confused

Sprinklesinmyelbow Mon 18-Jun-18 21:18:07

What are you talking about?

GreatDuckCookery Mon 18-Jun-18 21:19:49

Why did you reply to both of the OP's threads?

If it's such a waste of your time.

Glassofredandapackofcrisps Mon 18-Jun-18 21:22:06

Absolutely not! I myself get cold sores and didn't kiss my own baby till she was around 6 months (although I'd never kiss her with an outbreak).
Hell would have broke loose if anyone else had tried to kiss her!

Crunchymum Mon 18-Jun-18 21:23:02

God, I'm in bits reading about poor wee Kit.


Thankfully my MIL (who does suffer from coldsores) is a nurse and knows all about the dangers. There was no baby kisssing for our 3 kids from anyone barring me!!!

Sprinklesinmyelbow Mon 18-Jun-18 21:23:07

Yeah, answered that ^^

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