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To think dd shouldnt let him?

(76 Posts)
upsideup Mon 18-Jun-18 16:50:33

For sports day each class splits into random teams who practice together and then vote for which member they want to compete in each activity. Everyone in the team gets a prize if they win so you vote for the person most likely to. For one race another boy (B) said he thinks he should do it but when they practised dd was faster, all his friends voted for him anyway but dd got the most votes. DD is already doing another activity which no one else in her team wanted to do it and she has been picked to do this race for the last 4 years. B and his friends were really angry that dd was picked and have been really nasty to her since. Lots of saying she was cheating, 'but shes going to run like a girl/girls can't run', they all pointed and laughed at her legs saying they were too skinny for her to be able to run fast. When practising B grabbed both of dds plaits from behind and pulled her to the ground, he immediately started apologising and saying it was an accident (it clearly wasn't) so he was just told to sit out for the rest of the lesson.

Also since then B has just generally been a lot more bother in class so more stress for the teacher, constantly complain that its not fair he didn't get to do a game, He told dd that his mum was going to come in a complain, I don't know if she has but the teacher told dd today that its up to her what she decides but she wants to her to go home tonight and think about if she thinks it fair Or if she should give the boy a chance! DD doesn't want to let him do it but feels the teacher basically just told her she should (it sounds like that to me too).

KirstenRaymonde Mon 18-Jun-18 16:53:07

Of course she couldn’t let him. She got the spot fair and square - by being faster and being voted for. What does it teach the boy that he can get what he wants by being mean to others instead of winning on merit. I’d ask the teacher if that’s actually what she said and if it is, what is she trying to teach both of them.

ReservoirDogs Mon 18-Jun-18 16:55:08

Tell DD to tell the teacher.

A. I was quickest.
B. I was voted by the group to do this race.
C. I can't believe that you (teacher) think it is ok for a boy to bully a girl so he gets his own way.
D. If he does want to do something he can do the event I volunteered for because everyone else refused to!

I think it might be an occasion where I was prepared to be that parent!!

ReservoirDogs Mon 18-Jun-18 16:55:39

Kirsten got there first

AgentProvocateur Mon 18-Jun-18 16:55:41

So, because your DD is doing two activities, does that mean that B isn’t doing any?

Screaminginsideme Mon 18-Jun-18 16:56:18

I’d offer to give up the other race/activity but not the one in question.
It sets a very bad tone that a child can be allowed to bully another child to get their own way.

mikado1 Mon 18-Jun-18 16:56:34

What?! The whole system is a disaster really but DD needs to stand tough now. Feck those boys! And I hope the mother knows better. I would role play the scenario with DD and have her practice her no apology decision to teacher tomorrow-"I have thought about it and I am going to run as the person fairly voted in.' Rooting for her.

DearMrDilkington Mon 18-Jun-18 16:56:49

How old are they all?

Why is the teacher encouraging bullying behaviour? Yanbu at all.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 18-Jun-18 16:56:55

The boy is behaved by badly but I guess from his POV - 'is it fair one child gets to do two races at sports day and I get to do none?'

Myotherusernameisbest Mon 18-Jun-18 16:57:44

well by what you've written he sounds like a bit of a bully. Who has told you about the nastiness and bother in class though? Could it be a case of 6 of one and half a dozen of the other here? Also, with your dd doing 2 activities does it mean this boy gets to do none? Are other children doing more than 1 or none?

Sounds like a bit of a crap way of organising sports day by letting the kids decide as of course they are going to vote for the ones most likely to win which does mean that anyone not so good at sports will get a look in. I'd have a word witht he teacher about the situation and try and get a better idea of whats going on.

upsideup Mon 18-Jun-18 16:57:45

This is year 6

acornsandnuts Mon 18-Jun-18 16:58:44

Tell her to remind the teacher that we live in a democracy. Also that being harassed because she is a girl, and the teacher hinting to enable this, is a disgrace in 2018.

Sounds like the teacher wants an easy ride.

Screaminginsideme Mon 18-Jun-18 16:58:58

Hopefully he’ll be in for a nasty shock in secondary school then.

kitkatsky Mon 18-Jun-18 16:59:13

Had he not been a little shit to your DD I'd say she should give up something if she has two games and he has none especially if they're primary age. No child or parent wants to feel excluded from an event all their friends are part of. But I think it would set the wrong tone to let him have his way after being so vile. In all honesty I think the school should change their rules so every child participates in one race- then the kids can learn more about inclusion and negotiation and nobody feels left out

Bloodybridget Mon 18-Jun-18 16:59:26

Of course your DD should run in the race, and I'm pretty shocked that the teacher suggested she should give bully boy her place.

Trialsmum Mon 18-Jun-18 16:59:29

It would be so wrong to give him his way. If he doesn’t have any races, your ds can give him the other race that she’s only doing because no one else will.

rosesandflowers1 Mon 18-Jun-18 16:59:29

If your DD is bold enough to say that she got the spot fair and square and isn't giving it up, tell her to do so.

DD1 would never have done that at that age though, so if she won't go and speak to the teacher yourself. "Hello Mrs X, I think there's been a bit of a misunderstanding. DD came home under the impression that she was bring expected to give up her spot just because B is having some behavioural problems!"

Definitely don't allow B to get his way. A bad lesson for both him and your daughter.

upsideup Mon 18-Jun-18 17:00:49

Theres less games than there is people in a team but obviously not all the team want to have to do these games anyway.
There is also lots of group or whole class games where anyone who wants to can join in.

TheBigFatMermaid Mon 18-Jun-18 17:01:22

I think this boy has his mum fighting his corner, so the teacher has caved. You need to fight your DDs corner too, go in and say the boy bullying her, then the mum going in to essentially bully the teacher is not on and that giving him the place, is giving in to bullying. She did not cheat, she got the place fair and square. Tell the boy to practice over the next year, instead of being nasty and he might get to do it next year!

MatildaTheCat Mon 18-Jun-18 17:02:55

Good grief, your dds theacher is 100years out of date. DD could remind her that girls can compete and win in races, elections and in life.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt Mon 18-Jun-18 17:04:03

If she gives in, she's also allowing him to bully all those who voted for her to do it.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 18-Jun-18 17:05:12

It's a really really strange way to run a sports day. There'd be threads aplenty on mn from mums whose dcs don't get an individual, with the 'usual ones' doing them all. (Not that your dd is doing anything wrong here I hasten to add!)

rosesandflowers1 Mon 18-Jun-18 17:05:17

There is also lots of group or whole class games where anyone who wants to can join in.

In that case he won't be sitting on the side all the time.

Definitely don't allow your poor DD to be pushed into giving up her place !

ProudThrilledHappy Mon 18-Jun-18 17:05:17

I’d be emailing the head or the teacher stating that your daughter has told you she was assaulted and bullied by a class member because she was chosen to participate in a race, and ask what they will be doing to make sure dd is safe and that this boy is reminded of appropriate behaviours with his peers.

Dont even mention her stepping down, because that is not the solution. It will only teach him that bullying works

TERFragetteCity Mon 18-Jun-18 17:06:34

What is the point in voting someone to represent the team when the boys can just bully the girls into not competing?

They need pulling up on this not capitulating.

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