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MIL and childcare

(15 Posts)
fuckoffnicely Mon 18-Jun-18 10:57:09

NC so I'm not outed.

So my son is due to start nursery in September Monday-Wednesday whilst I go back to college. All great, he has a place and settling in will begin in August. I've also put in applications for finding that I am entitled to because of my age etc.

Now the issue is MIL (boyfriends mum but I'll just say MIL for ease) keeps banging on about having him instead to save us money. This would be fine but for a number of reasons this cannot work.

1. MIL lives 60 miles away and isn't sure if she would have moved back by then (been the plan since FIL left)
2. MIL and boyfriend are not welcome in my home (my parents house, long long story which I cannot go into) so care would have to be at her brothers, who I have met once
3. Nursery will be good for my little one as I believe the interactions with other babies etc are beneficial
4. I've already paid to secure his place
5. She undermines my parenting
6. Nursery is literally 5 minutes away so very convenient etc

I have tried the nice approach of saying, it's all sorted etc and we're okay for childcare but she won't stop going on and on. How do I put an end to this and effectively tell her to fuck off nicely?

Hortonlovesahoo Mon 18-Jun-18 10:59:05

Can’t you just say: childcare is sorted, thank you. We’ve decided what we’re going to do and the nursery is our option

fuzzyfozzy Mon 18-Jun-18 10:59:16

We've made our decision, he's starting nursery. If he doesn't settle we'll let you know (and never mention anything but happy thoughts)
And repeat.

BottleOfJameson Mon 18-Jun-18 11:00:32

YANBU. Don't back down. Thank her for her kind offer but you're really looking forward to DS attending nursery. You look forward to her spending more time with DS when she moves back blah blah blah. Be very polite and grateful but firm.

AdoraBell Mon 18-Jun-18 11:04:24

Agree, tell her it’s sorted and repeat like a broken record.

GreatDuckCookery Mon 18-Jun-18 11:05:25

60 miles away?!

Get your boyfriend to speak to his mum to explain that it suits you both all round to have DS in nursery and leave it at that.

Freetogo Mon 18-Jun-18 11:05:58

Tell her it all organised.

fuckoffnicely Mon 18-Jun-18 11:06:02

So general consensus is just repeat repeat repeat until she gets the message. I am having to bite my tongue not to be rude.

Fruitcorner123 Mon 18-Jun-18 11:06:08

have you called her out on her undermining you? I think it would be good to let her know that you dont accept that.

Hissy Mon 18-Jun-18 11:08:53

5. She undermines my parenting

This right here is the one thing you have to cling onto to remind yourself that your decision about your LO childcare is YOUR decision and it's final.

Thanks for the offer MIL, I've sorted childcare already, but it'll be lovely to spend time together sometimes when you've moved.

Hidillyho Mon 18-Jun-18 11:09:29

Ask her how it would work as she lives so far away. Is she going to travel each day to look after DC?
Tell her that once she has moved nearer to you that you will review the child care arrangements (but say you are not promising to take DC out of nursery)

Hissy Mon 18-Jun-18 11:10:24

Yup, rinse and repeat smile

BottleOfJameson Mon 18-Jun-18 11:12:13

I wouldn't even give her your justifications, Be vague and repetitive. "Thanks but we've decided Nursery will be good for him". Just repeat ad nauseum. If you give specific reasons she'll pick them apart. Just repeat repeat repeat.

Starlight345 Mon 18-Jun-18 11:14:19

I would get your b. Friend to talk to her. She isn’t listening to you . But no sounds like not a lot to gain and a lot to loose

Piffle11 Mon 18-Jun-18 12:27:24

God no don't let her do it. As others have said, just keep saying no. There are too many things that could go wrong too: she lives so far away, what if she couldn't get to you? What if brother needed his house one time? What if she was sick? But don't actually mention anything like this to her as she'll see it as a 'maybe' and never quit.

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