Advanced search

to ask for your best insults/put downs?

(74 Posts)
qazxc Sun 17-Jun-18 21:03:37

I'm not the best at sticking up for myself. Can never think of what to say when something happens so just freeze.
For example, this saturday:
I was working as box office at a maritime event.
Several of the boat owners were coming back from spending day in pub and were walking past me and colleague in a marquee near the gate. Most of them were fine, a few "come and join us for a party!" but not nasty and moved along when told no thanks.
Then this bloke and his mate came along. They tried to chat us up, we said no, we're married. he didn't want to take the hint, he went on and on about how I was stunning but not looking after myself. That I needed to lose 2 stone and if i went out with him he would "work them off me even though he is 70". He wouldn't move on, he eventually did after i made a point of ignoring him.

But yeah i need to practice some fuck off responses so that i can deliver if or when next twunt comes along.

Fluffyears Sun 17-Jun-18 21:06:27

‘Wow who put 50p in the dickhead!’ Look around floor ‘ach gimme a minute i’m Just looking for a fuck to give’ ‘wow that would have been insulting if your opinion mattered, good try.’ When people are being all one upmajship such as ‘i’ve been in since 7.30’ ‘oh wow I want to be you!’

qazxc Sun 17-Jun-18 23:07:54

thanks, I like them.
I'll have to practice, for some reason I am a magnet for drunken elderly letches.
No idea why, I'm an average looking and overweight 40 yr old.
I'm starting to think it's because they sense weakness.

Myotherusernameisbest Sun 17-Jun-18 23:43:15

fluffyears brilliant!! gringringrin

SneakyGremlins Sun 17-Jun-18 23:45:11

I've met some pricks in my time but you are the fucking cactus.

MrsMoastyToasty Sun 17-Jun-18 23:45:39

My particular favourite is "if pigs could fly, you'd be Wing Commander "

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS Sun 17-Jun-18 23:48:16

"Darwin said that we all sprang from monkeys, but you didn't spring far enough"

DragonScales Sun 17-Jun-18 23:53:12

I'm guessing as you're working you can't just tel them to fuck off

Please stop, you're embarrassing yourself <stony faced look>

Are you really saying that? I'm young enough to be your daughter! Gasp <implies they are old, which no me likes to hear -works very well on men who are actually quite close to your age. If they then say no I'm only 48 look very surprised>

I said NO <loudly enough to get other peoples attention>

Please walk away before you lose any more of your dignity.

ItDoesMyHeadIn Sun 17-Jun-18 23:54:32

"If I wanted to listen to an arsehole I'd have farted"

CantankerousCamel Sun 17-Jun-18 23:56:00

‘Are you actually writing these words’?

‘For more information, please reread this post’

Uhuhhoney Sun 17-Jun-18 23:57:19

Oh the besssst in front of a group of guys is "do you really need to show off in front of your mates?" Makes them feel pathetic.

When i volunteered at glasto a man kept asking for my number and saying i had a killer arse and that he wouldn't mind doing me from behind. Cue the above response. Cue him turning bright red.

R2G Sun 17-Jun-18 23:57:41

Well I can lose this weight but you'll always be an ugly bastard won't you. So it certainly won't be done 'working out' with you dickhead. Move along grandpa..

NT53NJT Sun 17-Jun-18 23:58:09

You rate the guy that highly he's worth a 50p slot? 20p is more than adequate. 😂

If he'd of said to me I needed to lose 2 stone I'd of replied have you looked in a mirror ?

People are fucking idiots sometimes there's no need to be abusive to anyone we are all human and deserve to be treated equally.

DrDoMore Sun 17-Jun-18 23:58:10

Sorry but most of these are cringe. No one says these in real life surely.

Rednailsandnaeknickers Sun 17-Jun-18 23:58:29

"Now now Grandpa, did we forget our meds today? Is there someone looking after you? Can we get you back to the Home safely?" All delivered with a sickening, there there you deluded old fool smile and a head tilt. I'm not one for ageism, teetering on the edge myself, but if he is going to pride himself on making out he's some sort of Tom Jones era stud, he needs to have the wind taken out of his sails. Ghastly creep.

Rednailsandnaeknickers Mon 18-Jun-18 00:00:42

So what's your best one then Dr since you're so brilliant?

EvilMorty Mon 18-Jun-18 00:02:04

Depending on how awful they are, I just say “fuck off, old man” with as much disdain as I can muster.

If someone asks me to something I really don’t want to go to, I say “sorry, I’m busy that night shaving my armpits”

Or “I’m so sorry but your breath smells and I feel quite sick now. Please go away”

MrsPlodds Mon 18-Jun-18 00:05:05

Just smile and wave saying bye now, bub bye now till they go.

Surely you can't be rude if you are at work?

Agree whilst these look good written down would sound a bit plebby said out loud

ilovesooty Mon 18-Jun-18 00:07:26

Since the OP was working I think an appropriate response was to tell him to go away and stop harassing her then if he didn't to call on someone to have him removed.

Clever responses are rarely as clever as people think they are - in my opinion anyway.

DrDoMore Mon 18-Jun-18 00:09:02

I didn’t say I was brilliant. I don’t know what a good put down is. All I know is that I’d cringe myself inside out if I witnessed someone try to be funny with “I’m just looking for a fuck to give” outside of a sitcom.

twinkletwinklelittlerainbow Mon 18-Jun-18 00:09:53

I bet your mam wished she'd swallowed

gryffen Mon 18-Jun-18 00:10:20

Just look at them and say

Do you want a textbook to combat the feeling of stupidity?

Or Bolt ya nugget, I've seen body farms better than you!

Mymycherrypie Mon 18-Jun-18 00:10:34

Ah well if you are working

“Oh, I hate to tell you this but you have a bogey.”
Do I? Where? (Point randomly at his face) Did I get it?
“No it’s still there” (point again)
“No, perhaps you need to visit the toilets for a mirror”

DrDoMore Mon 18-Jun-18 00:11:13

I work with a girl who uses what she believes are clever put downs like the ones above. General consensus is she’s a bit of a dick

Fadingmemory Mon 18-Jun-18 00:19:31

Yes, sir, but I do have impeccable manners. I would be delighted if you would leave as I am working. Do have a lovely day. Goodbye.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: