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To find this odd? MIL gave DS's gifts and money to give to DH for Fathers Day

(30 Posts)
Igorina Sun 17-Jun-18 20:36:06

Let me just start by saying I have no intention of causing any trouble over this I just wanted to know if anyone else finds it strange.

MIL is lovely but has, in the past done things that I have personally found undermining and a little hurtful.

This afternoon DH and our 2 DS's went to visit FIL and give him some nice cards and a gift. I stayed home because I'm not feeling the best.

When they got home I asked if they had a nice time and if FIL liked his stuff, DH replied "Yes, Mum also got presents and ten pounds for the boys to give to me"

He has already had two personalised cards and a bunch of gifts which I bought for the boys to give their dad. He always gets something for Fathers Day.

She has never done it before - AIBU to be the tiniest bit annoyed? Apparently, she made a big show of them giving the stuff to DH.

Myotherusernameisbest Sun 17-Jun-18 20:37:52

YANBU. That's a bit odd, yes.

Hisnamesblaine Sun 17-Jun-18 20:40:13

She sounds like a control freak

Daddystepdaddy Sun 17-Jun-18 20:42:22

Has something happened between MIL and DH? Has the hallmarks of a guilty reaction as it isn't the norm.

SparklyLeprechaun Sun 17-Jun-18 20:42:54

Is it really that odd? I fondly remember my grandad giving us money and taking us shopping for mother's day. I never thought it was strange.

raisedbyguineapigs Sun 17-Jun-18 20:44:49

Yes that sounds odd. Why would she think her adult DS would need a tenner for a start?? Was it a pointed dig at you for not going to see them?

Ragwort Sun 17-Jun-18 20:47:49

Honestly, does it matter, perhaps she wanted to spoil her own DS as a 'father' and better to give her grandsons something to give their Dad and all 'enjoy the moment' than if she had just given something direct to her own son to acknowledge he is a Dad (if that makes sense confused).

I think in the past my own mum has given me something 'from DS' on mother's day, just because she loves me and thinks I am a lovely mum.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

toomuchfaster Sun 17-Jun-18 20:49:54

I feel your gob-smackedness, OP. MIL has done the same to me this year and I don't want to bring it up, but am hurt she doesn't trust (?) me to sort it out with DD.

ThreeIsACharm Sun 17-Jun-18 20:52:52

My mum always get me a little something from my dc on mothers day as she knows my dp is a bit forgetful. Plus I was a single parent with my oldest dc before I met dp so this has always been a thing my dm liked to do.
It is strange though if she just started it this fathers day though and it's is not a yearly occurrence.

Igorina Sun 17-Jun-18 20:54:51

Nothing has happened between them, no.

She didn't know I wasn't coming until the last minute so it couldn't be that.

The only thing I can think of is that last year DH 'only' got handmade cards and a nice meal made for him because money was tight. We never go overboard on Fathers/Mothers Day, to be honest, but this year DH got much more than usual.

As I said, I'm not going to make a big deal out of it at all but it did ruffle my feathers a little.

Igorina Sun 17-Jun-18 20:59:07

I normally never sweat the small stuff when it comes to MIL, Rag but I think this is just yet another thing in a long line a small stuff.

I'm also feeling like crap so maybe that is making me a bit sensitive.

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

EmpressJewel Sun 17-Jun-18 21:02:10

I don't think it's hugely off in itself - she is probably proud that her son is a father and if she knows money was tight, wants to spoil her son.

It sounds like there is back story though.

sockunicorn Sun 17-Jun-18 21:03:09

YANBU. its weird. its overstepping and its not her place. My MIL did this one year. I always bought lovely gifts for DH for fathers day (aftershave/shoes/theatre tickets) so its not like he was hard done by or ignored! but a few years ago she raided poundland and gave DC a pile of socks, mugs, pint glasses etc. all emblazened with "SUPER DAD" to give him. he was confused (not my usual style of gifts) so i told him it was his DM. she never did it again so no idea if he spoke to her or if someone else pointed out it was weird.

Marriedwithchildren5 Sun 17-Jun-18 21:09:42

Really? Don't sweat it. I've always been a father's day is home made gifts. Card. Cakes etc. If someone chooses to spend money. Does it affect you?? Your dh and dc were pleased. No issue smile

llangennith Sun 17-Jun-18 21:12:21

Just shows she loves her DS as much as you love your DSs.

Birdsgottafly Sun 17-Jun-18 21:12:49

"The only thing I can think of is that last year DH 'only' got handmade cards and a nice meal made for him because money was tight"

That's why. She didn't want FIl to have stuff and not DH. He is still her Son.

I do it for my DD on Mother's Day. I get something that a bit of a luxury, for her budget, but what she would want.

She's wanted your boys to give their dad something and you all celebrate together.

I'm so glad I've had Daughters, I can treat them without suspicion of ulterior motives.

Guacamoledip Sun 17-Jun-18 21:13:50

Oh my life, get a grip

Igorina Sun 17-Jun-18 21:33:19

DH was thrilled with what he got last year, Birds.

He has an expensive hobby so gets plenty of luxury for birthdays/Christmas and all throughout the year - MIL knows this.

Fathers Day just fell on a bad month.

On a side note - I personally would never buy either of my son's gifts from their children knowing that my DIL couldn't because they were struggling for money. Not without involving her in some way.

Marriedwithchildren5 Mon 18-Jun-18 02:53:28

Really? This is an issue for you?? You need to get out into the real world!!

Pikachuneedshelp Mon 18-Jun-18 02:59:07

He is her DS, she did a nice thing. I really wouldn’t be looking for hidden meanings.

R2G Mon 18-Jun-18 03:05:51

I dunno sounds like as he was there on his own on this particular year she'd make a big fuss, and with you being unwell just in case you'd been too unwell to organise anything? Better safe than sorry?

Candyflip Mon 18-Jun-18 03:12:36

It’s really really odd. Especially giving money to an adult, who presumably has their own money. So not only odd, but lazy too.

Copperbonnet Mon 18-Jun-18 03:51:43

I might bite my tongue but politely but firmly tell her well in advance next year that I had Father’s Day in hand.

fawkesAgain2 Mon 18-Jun-18 03:53:22

I think toxic femininity is at play here.

I can' imagine for a second that any son would be finding offense had their FiL done something similar.

Copperbonnet Tue 19-Jun-18 05:41:34

Fawkes my first Mother’s Day MIL took it upon herself to buy presents for me on behalf of the D.C.

My DH who is both organised and competent was very annoyed. A word was had and it has never happened again.

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